Life is a struggle. I know this is true for everyone. And that everyone has their own lonesome valley to walk thru, their own mountains to scale. And I realize that we are not alone in our trials and struggles. But I also know that in the long and quiet days, in the dark and lonely nights - it sure feels like we are alone!!!
Hours turn into days ... days into nights ... and the nights become day again - a cycle of being alone, lonely. Wandering thru this house, wondering what we are going to do, when we will know, and how in the world we will. Sigh.
We know that worker's comp will not carry Rick a long time. They have a cut off. We just don't know when it is. Will he be released to work? Released to full disability? Or just released on his own to figure it all out?
Lord, help us!!!
We try not to stress. Just to trust in the Lord with all our heart. But the thoughts come ... and thoughts tend to become anxious thoughts when we find no answers. Course, then the anxious thoughts become worries and worries turn to fear. So, yes - it is a battle of the mind and the heart.
We know that God is God. And HE is our Provider. HE is the one that takes care of us. No matter who signs a paycheck - GOD is our Provider. Lord, help us believe. In the darkest of times, help us to believe. When we have no sight for our faith, when the worries and fears threaten to overwhelm us - Lord, help us trust in you all the more.
God, forgive me - but I do not like this house!!! It is so big just for Rick and me. Way too much for us to clean and to keep and to fix - especially as we deal with all the health issues.
And sadly, unless God does an absolute miracle in our bodies, these are CHRONIC conditions. Not something that we will just "get over". Kwim? Which that seems to be the hardest thing for some people to really get ahold of. This is not like a cold or the flu that we will get over and get back on our feet. These things that we are dealing with? For the most part? We are struggling to learn this way of life. Oh we know that God can do anything - and sometimes He chooses to. But what if the healing doesn't come? What if this is the way of our life from here to then? We have to understand that for His own reasons, sometimes He doesn't heal. At least not to our standards.
And if the healing doesn't come? This house and place is more than we can handle. That is a proven point to us these last few months.
We are praying about what to do. Trying to look at all things in a mature way, realistically. Trusting in the Lord and His wisdom, His will, His way and His time.
All these hours alone are teaching me to call on Jesus ... more and more. He is my Ever faithful Friend. Ever present One. He is teaching me to walk with Him and talk with Him on a level that I have never known before. Pretty cool, really. I will be sharing more about that ...
Due to income being so small, and expenses being so great - we have lost our phone service, and our internet service. We do have a phone - thank you Joshua. (Shell had his phone that he wasn't using, and Joshua sent it home with us - so that he could talk to us and keep up with us. =) )
I will once again call the phone company (Verizon) but I do not have a lot of hope that they will work with us. They have in a small way - but not in a major way. ???
We are looking at and thinking about Smart Talk. Not sure yet. Still divided.
We don't want to get into another contract with another company and find out that we cannot afford it either.
Course, the contract with Verizon was way too expensive for dealing with on worker's comp. We went into the contract when Rick was working 6 or 7 days a week and bringing home a good paycheck. Sigh.
Praying for wisdom and direction.
The Lord is good ... always.
Just glad we don't have to have a phone to talk to HIM!!! =)