...My relationship with God ... marriage ... kids ... grandkids ... house & home ... work ... church ... friends and family ... just my "life".
Finding myself in a place of great change.
A place where I feel lost and lonely.
A place that I don't know the way thru.
A place with few to any dreams ... with every day seeming to eat away at the hopes.
Did I not "plant" those hopes and dreams in the good soil of the Lord?
Or were they "my" hopes and dreams? Not Jeremiah 29:11.
So, I think a lot ... I pray more.
And I begin to realize that what "was" is not what "is" nor what is to "be".
There is a certain amount of sorrow and grieving that goes with this, a place of getting to the end of yourself, the end of your hopes and dreams, the end of all that you can see with your eyes ... and then there is a point of moving into acceptance and going forward. Doing the best with what we have, where we are.
Right now? I feel caught somewhere in-between.
Still with the feelings of extreme sorrow and sadness, the deep seated grieving over what has been lost. But with a faint glimmer of light beginning to creep under the door.
Life from this point forward will never be the "same". It will not be what I had hoped for, dreamed about, lived towards. It will not be the answer to my prayers - or at least, not the answers I had thought I would have. Life is unchartered territory.
From this heartbeat forward, it has not been lived, it has not been walked upon. New and fresh.
What will I do with this hour? With this day? Will I do my best with what I have and where I am?
Or will I stay locked in the past with ghosts of dreams that have died?