Rick took me out to eat last night. It was raining and cool. We went to the Brazos Catfish Café - oh my! Such good food! And if you like the 50's and Elvis? Well - this is THE place for you!!!
And in trying to make better food choices - we chose the 5 piece catfish plate (knowing that we would have leftovers for Sunday :) ), I had the mixed veggies, Rick had the roasted corn on the cob, we both had a salad, pinto beans, and 3 hush puppies. Then, we splurged and got dessert - Rick chose the cherry cobbler with one scoop of vanilla ice cream (that we shared) and I chose the Sawdust pie. Oh my! The food was AWESOME!!!!!
Not that I am glad to have had this tummy "episode" - but glad for the quiet time to work on some things. A quiet morning to pray and seek God's wisdom and direction.
And a quiet time to listen - for in the quietness God speaks.
--I have been struggling with living a life that is honoring to the Lord. Struggling with the difference I find between the humanity of "me" and the desire for it no longer to be I who lives, but Christ who lives in me. Struggling so much that it seems I spend more time second guessing everything I say or do, that some days there just is no peace or rest. (Ever do that?)
Well, this morning I was praying about all this, writing it out in my journal. Actually, been praying and writing about all this the last couple of days. Just being brutally honest with God and with myself. Then, this morning I prayed and wrote this ... not really realizing the truth of it all until I went back and re-read it -
I still have those second guesses, the questions, the confusions - all that we talked about yesterday afternoon. ---thank you for that conversation with you. Cause even tho I still have all this - the weight of it is gone. Kwim? I no longer carry it. I bear it, I must find your way thru it all - but I don't carry it. Thank you!!!!! Never realized what a difference there is in that. Thank you!!! I love you!
We live in such an "instant" world - makes it hard to be patient and wait things out. Please continue to pray for him (and for me).
Not saying either one of us is right or wrong - but we are different. We look at things different. We deal with things differently. But sometimes, more than we like to admit, those differences make for rough days. Sigh.
The nurse held the phone to Momma's ear - and I told her just how much I loved her and that it was ok if she couldn't hold on, but I was on my way! No sound. No acknowledgement that she had even heard. We hung up.
I looked at Rick and God love that man -he had done his best to get me to Momma. We were too far to turn back, so on we went. Me driving this leg of the trip.
5 p.m. leaving York, NE. Heading to Sulphur Springs, TX. Knowing that Momma won't be there when I get there - no matter how hard we had tried, no matter. Sigh.
Just as I got on the road and up to highway speed - 2 white trucks passed me, Texas license plates, and hauling butt! Rick said to fall in behind them. I did. And a few minutes later, looked down - 90+mph! Rick said hold fast. I did.
When they slowed down, I slowed down. And when they sped up, I sped up. 3 times in that trip we thought we had lost them - because either they got off, or we did. But all 3 times, we were either found by them, or found them.
Rick took over driving when it got dark. And he stayed with them. All the way to the Texas line!
Then, from the Texas line to the nursing home - I was on the phone with family and with the nurse. Momma was still there!
We pulled into the parking lot and I rushed into her room. 11:55 p.m. November 23, 2006. She was still with us. I leaned over, gave her a kiss, smelled deeply of her -- and stood there, holding her hand, talking and laughing with my kids and my sister.
A little bit later - Bettie called my attention to Momma. She was gone. 12:37 a.m. November 24, 2006 -- Momma walked into Heaven and rested in the arms of Jesus.
I loved you Momma -- and I still do. Just as much, no - MORE than I ever did. I miss you Momma. More today than I ever thought possible. Oh to be able to pick up the phone and call you - hear your voice. To be able to drive to you, walk into your room, hug you, get a sugar from you, and smell you deeply once again! Oh how I love you Momma!