Rick couldn’t sleep this morning, either. So, by 4:30 a.m. we are both sitting here talking and thinking about everything …
wondering what this storm will leave … will there be anything but destruction and damage? Will it somehow work to our good?
He read the devotional for the day. I shared with him what I had written here earlier this morning. We cried. And cried. Both of us shaking with sobs and tears. This is so hard! To leave this house … to leave our church … to leave this area. It feels as if we are in some kind of enormous vacuum – and all the hope and joy and peace and life is being sucked right out of us!!!
As we were holding tightly to one another, we agreed to just hold to one another hard and fast thru it all. Praying for God’s wisdom and His divine protection as well as intervention. Just keep us safe and together thru this storm God!
We enjoyed a walk in the early morning light. What a beautiful sunrise it was.
Breakfast. Then begins another hard part…packing. Everything I touch reminds me of something connected with this place …
Movies that we have watched with the kids and grandkids. Books that I have read to the grandkids. Games we have played. A rock that Kyla picked up when we walked together. A book bought at “my” bookstore (that I will sorely miss!) … decorations that were bought at a flea market … how much can my heart take??? I know that the “things” I will carry with me no matter where I go … and I know the memories are seared upon my mind and heart … but – still … just having to leave. The struggle lies in focusing on going TO something not AWAY. Do you know how hard that is?
I had to make a hard phone call. Called Joshua. We are only 1 1/2 hrs from there here … once we get moved, we will be 3 hrs from them. Not that much difference – but it feels a lifetime away! I already miss Joshua, Dessie, Shell and Kyla. We haven’t seen them much these last couple of months – they and us have been short of money or travel. But, just the “knowing” they were close. Sigh. And now … Course there is the fear that we won’t be able to afford the trip back very often. I
have already lived that “season” of only seeing them once or twice a year … I don’t want to go back to that!!! O GOD deliver this momma and grannee’s heart from having to endure that again. Please.
Rick’s dad got here just a bit ago. His mom didn’t come. Rick and his dad have gone into town to pick up more boxes for me, and a few odds and ends at Wal-mart. Of all the Wal-marts I have been in across this country … this one in Stephenville
is my favorite. I know it is silly (I guess) but I just could not bring myself to go with them.
I sat in the swing for a few minutes after Rick and his dad drove away. I thought about calling someone – just needed to hear a sweet voice telling me that all would be well. That all this storm would pass on by and we would be ok. I sat there
and scrolled thru the phone book of my phone. Sadly, I found no one to call. No one that I could think of that would have an inkling of what I am facing in this day and tomorrow. Yet, my spirit and my soul cry out for someone!
The one “knot” left … we are moving closer to Mandy and that set of grandkids for a while.
I have missed her and the grandkids. I know she is busy with work and school, and Roger’s work, and the kids’ school activities. So, not sure how much time we will be able to spend together. But, she remains the strength I hold onto at these moments. Going TO.
I sit here looking around at this house … literally looks like a tornado has struck! So many boxes in various stages of packing. Almost too much to bear.
O Sweet Jesus, pray for me.