just as i am.
the only way i can.
just as i am.
all things are open and laid bare to your eyes. there are no games to be played.
there is nothing hidden from you.
i believe that you not only read these words, but you know my heart - the heart of these words.
there is so much pain and grief in this life.
i know that I am blessed beyond what i deserve, blessed more than money can buy. Father, forgive me - but for a moment, i am tired of counting those blessings back.
i know that sounds so self centered.
i don't mean it that way.
but this warrior is a child,
and i am so tired,
so very weary.
I feel so alone in all of this.
it's like i can feel myself crumpling beneath this load of care.
I try to speak positive, sharing the negative/bad - only as it seems appropriate.
when maybe it will help someone else that is going thru "life" as well.
but the loneliness is overwhelming to me.
no one knows how bad it is in this life that I am living ... and sadly it often seems that no one cares, either.
and if the bad/the negative begins to seep thru more - i always feel like i am whining.
i don't want to whine.
the loneliness is still overwhelming.
God, i am at the end of myself in all of this.
i am so empty.
i have bills that i cannot pay.
rick's funeral cost weighs heavy on me still.
groceries that I cannot afford.
things that my car needs.
things that I need to get thru this coming winter. (winter clothes)
God, you say that you will meet all our needs according to your riches in glory thru Christ Jesus. All I can do is trust in Jesus. You are faithful. You will care for me - somehow.
God, there have been times we were in great need, and often the "needs" were only wants. And yet, You have never left us. Never forsaken us. You always gave Rick an answer .... You provided. But now, without Rick - I struggle with fear and worry. Will You do for me alone what You did for us together? I trust in You when I am afraid.
The loneliness, the grief, the sorrow - You God, YOU are my Comforter, my Strength. You are my Provider. You are my HOPE. O God, our Father.
This song God - this song is my song to you today ... Please Lord, move ... or move me.
in Jesus' Name ... thank you. i do love you so.