Day 1

​“With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love” Ephesians 4:2
“Love is patient and kind” I Corinthians 13:4

Love is patient.

It’s hard to be patient and kind to myself. 
It’s so much easier to see my faults and flaws, to complain (even just to myself) about my shortcomings. 
I feel the words of Paul when he said,
“For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing that I hate.” Romans 7:15
And his words again,
“For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. for I have the desire to what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing.” Romans 7:18-19
Then, these are the words that I feel deep within my being,
“Wretched man that I am!”  Romans 7:24

I remember Rick when I read these verses. 
His heart was to walk worthy of the name “Christian”, but he struggled (like we all do) with stumblings and failings. 
Whether it was a “bad” word he had said, or eating too much, or maybe not taking the opportunity to tell someone about Jesus - we all face hundreds of these moments (and regrets) every day. 
Rick was very hard on himself. 
He would greatly wrestle with these failings, stumblings and faults. 
Finding it hard most times to even ask God’s forgiveness. 
Because as Rick said, “If I were truly sorry, then I would have done better to start with!” 
We would talk about everything, and pray over it together. 
He would wrestle in prayer until he was able to let it go, turn it over to the Lord and walk away from it. 
Knowing that he was forgiven, and cleansed. 
Until the next time.
How often have I heard him echo the words of Paul! 

And now, I find myself doing the same thing. 

It comes easier these days to forgive others any infraction against me. 
Whether great or large. 
Not in a “here-I-am-walk-all-over-me” kind of attitude. 
But realizing that people fail. 
Fail miserably. 
I hear the words of Jesus being prayed from the depths of my soul, 
“Father, forgive them, they know not what they do!” 

Not because I am holy in or of myself. 
Not because I don’t deserve some tirade against me at times.
But because Jesus lives in me. 
And He deserves respect & honor. 
Jesus said that if we forgive others, then we will be forgiven. 

Again, I remember a message that Rick preached. 
Rick said that we are simply the conduit of God’s Mercy, Grace and Love.
That God pours into us, and if we do not allow it to free-flow thru our lives, then we get all stopped up, and we can’t receive it. 
I don’t want to be that stopped up conduit. 
I want God’s Mercy, Grace and Love to free-flow thru me at all times. 

But ...
That forgiving myself.
That being patient to me.
That being kind to me. 
"Oh wretched one that I am!" 

So, for today, with much thought and prayer - asking God to please help me: 
I resolve for this one day to demonstrate patience and kindness to myself.
I resolve for this one day to say nothing negative about myself. 
I resolve that when those negative thoughts come, rather than give voice to them, I will simply cry out, “Jesus!” 
For I am a child of God. 

Lord, I never realized just how often I have spoken, or written, negative words about myself. 
I am sorry. 
Please, forgive me for speaking so about Your child, about Your workmanship that You have created for good works in Christ Jesus. 
I realize that there are times I need to speak about my failings and shortcomings, about my limitations - whether it’s due to age and health, or due to some action (or inaction) on my part - but when I do speak or write of these things, please, help me to do so with complete honesty and with giving Your Grace to myself. 
No more this “Margaret bashing”. 
It doesn’t help me.
And I never realized that it hurt Your heart. 
I am a child of God. 

What a light bulb moment! 
Seeing the correlation between speaking or writing negative things about myself ... and about others. 
I did not realize how negative I had become, until now.
Checking my thoughts.
Checking my words, written and spoken.
Whether being negative about myself, about someone else, or about a situation. 
​
Lord, I don’t want to be negative! 
Thank You for showing me this - and without condemnation. 
Thank You for the sorrow in my heart that leads to repentance. 
A gift from You, along with Your Faith.
Lord, may I live this. 
In Jesus’ Name I pray.