Day 15

​“Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.” I Peter 3:7

Love is honorable. 

Lord, some of these days are more difficult than I ever expected, or thought they would be. 
But thank You for the greater clarity on these more difficult days. 
Just as I need it. 

There is no question, no doubt - never was - Rick did this. 
Oh he made his fair share of mistakes. 
He had his own bad days where his humanity got in the way of his Christianity.
But he lived with me, his wife, in an understanding way, showing honor to me - that even on the bad days, in those worst moments, I still knew ... he loved me, he cherished me. 

There were a hundred ways every day that he lived with me in an understanding way, and honored me.
We decided early in our marriage to really LISTEN to one another when the day was done. 
He would go first, because he was head of the house. (That was at my insistence.)
He would tell me about his day - the good, the bad, the ugly, the indifferent ... 
I would listen. 
And remember. 
Then, he would take me by the hand, and say, “Now, tell me about your day” ... 
   and I knew he wanted to know. 
He would listen to the most mundane points of my day, like it was an exciting adventure story I was telling. 
He would remember. 
Often he would, days or months later, recall the tiniest of details about a particular day that I had forgotten. 
Or when circumstances of a bad day were reappearing, he would become even more attentive. 

He would call me, before cell phones were a “thing”, at least twice a day. 
- which required him to find a pay phone, or ask to borrow one from a customer. 
He didn’t talk long. 
Just asking how my day was going. 
Making sure did I need anything. 
Letting me know that he was ok, and where he was. 
Not because he felt like he had to “check in” ... but he said often, “I don’t want you to worry, I want you to be free of that worry so that you can enjoy your day!” 

He would leave me notes hidden in the house, so that I would find them as I cleaned, or cooked, or took care of the kids. 
He would nearly always bring me something when he returned from work. 
- it might just be a pen he had “stolen” from someone ... which come to find out, his “stealing” a pen, was to say, “Oh how my wife would love this pen! May I buy it?” To which 99% of the time - they would say, “You can have it!” and he would tell them, “Oh this will make her smile! Thank you!” 
- or it might be a flower he picked. I wonder now how many times he stopped in the road on a busy day, picked me a wildflower, wrapped it in a wet paper towel, and took care of it the rest of that day just so he could bring it to me. 

He demanded absolute honor and respect from everyone in our life for me. 
Whether it was our own kids, family or friends, or the neighbors, or just someone in the store. 
He allowed NO rude behavior towards me, NO ugly words in my hearing. 
He defended me, even in the times when he thought I was wrong. 

He lived this verse ... every day. 
It is a treasure to my heart to remember these things. 

It’s also like a knife to my soul. 
Because I miss him so much.
I miss the way he lived with me in an understanding way. 
Even when he didn’t understand me. 
He gave me tolerance and acceptance - just to be ME. 
I miss the way he honored me. 

So, today, I read this verse and I wonder - how do I do this for me now? 
How do I love me like God loves me? 
So that I can learn how to love others like I love me? 

1. To live with myself in an understanding way.
Do not ask or expect more of myself than I can give or do. 
Wow. How many times do I do the exact opposite of that? 
- how many days do I lay off more on a to-do list than what is reasonable to get done? 
- how many times do I beat myself up for not getting more accomplished than what time, strength and energy will allow? 

While I am a Christian, seeking God with all my heart, it does not negate the facts of this life. 
: I am a human. I am but dust. 
: I have weaknesses.
: I am going thru struggles I have never known before in being Rick’s widow. 
: And, Yes, I am healING. With the emphasis being on the “ING”. 
  Which means this is a JOURNEY. 
  Not a particular destination. 
  It is a JOURNEY that I will be on for the rest of my life.
So, I need to cut myself some slack! 
Yes, even after 6 years. 
Give myself a break.
There are days that I will simply breathe in and breathe out. 
And that’s ok. 

2. To show honor to the woman I am. The weaker vessel. 
While God’s Promise is true and real - “I can do all things thru Christ Who gives me strength”, I still need to accept with serenity that there are things I cannot change or do.
Some things ... well, they just ARE. 
Either that’s the way things are ... and they aren’t going to change.
Or, there are things I just cannot do ... and will never be able to do. 
And that’s ok. 

What does HONOR mean? 
Honesty.
Fairness.
Integrity.
High respect. 
Reverence.
Distinction.
Sincerity. 
To like.
To respect.
Absence of deceit. 
A soundness of moral principle that no power or influence can impair.
 
Considering the definition of honor does 3 things:
1. It absolutely solidifies my memories that yes, Rick really did honor me! 
2. And that I have not completely honored myself in these years since Rick died. 
3. It also confirms the reason for doing this study, writing these words. 

Lord, You have opened my eyes and made me see more clearly. 
Please, help me trust You on this.
And teach me Your ways of being obedient to Your Word by honoring ME. 
So much in our world today is geared towards removing my identity as a woman.
I am tired of them all messing with my blessing! 
I am a woman! 
I am the weaker vessel! 
I do deserve the honor of being a woman, just because I are one - by God’s plan and design.
 
Lord, it’s time that I treat myself, as a woman, as the weaker vessel, with high respect and sincerity. 
It’s not about being full of pride or vanity.
This is about me being humbled before You, God, at the realization of me being Your workmanship, Your creation. 
You designed and created me to be a woman. 
The weaker vessel. 
One to be highly favored and greatly blessed & honored. 
Thru Christ alone, I can do all things. 
But all things are not meant for me to do ;) 
​
I am no longer a woman to be shamed by the world. 
I am no longer a woman to cower in fear. 
I am a child of God. 
I am a woman of God.
It’s time to wear being a woman with honor! 
Lord, please, show me the way, in very way, in every day. 
Beginning in this heartbeat, right now. 
In Jesus’ Name I pray
Thank You, Lord 
I love You.