Day 3

“Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.” Romans 12:10

Love is not selfish.

Adding to no negativity spoken, or written, & being kind ... 
Today, I am reminded that whatever I put my time, energy and money into will be my point of importance. 
How can we truly care for something, or someone, if we are not investing of ourselves in? 

I find myself with the thoughts and emotions of the last 2 days - 
This, too, is easy for me. 
God has gifted me with the spirit of giving and serving. 
Not for adulation, not for attention.
But because there is so much JOY in giving and in serving. 
My bank account has not always had that “joy” ... mostly it just groans, LOL. 

Rick often said that he knew why we weren’t rich, why God never allowed us to have great wealth. 
(Always said with that twinkle in his eyes, and that tell-tale smirk on his lips.)
“Because you, my wife, would just give it all away!” 

It’s true. 
I love to give. 
I love to make surprises for others. 
I love to watch their faces, and hear that they are totally speechless. 

My favorite thing to do is to “create” National Days. 
- ex: National Pretty Woman Day, or National "insert their name" Day ... so that I have a good “reason” to give out compliments, or small gift bags of little treasures. 

My Momma was a giver. 
- From the canned goods that she worked and slaved over a hot stove in the Texas July heat ...
- To the quilts that she pieced by hand, often with fingers bandaged to keep the blood from pricks and blisters from getting on the quilts 
- To feeding literally thousands at her table
- To putting food in cars at church
- I don’t think anyone knows just how much my Momma gave away in her life, not sure even I know. 

Rick was a giver, too.
For all the teasing and playful fussing he did at me for giving away - he was a major time giver. 
- From paying for someone’s meal, but making sure no one but he and the waitress knew, just so that he could see the customer’s expressions of shock, awe, delight
- To giving away thousands of $$$ in coats and boots because someone needed them more than he did. 

Giving is a way of life.
One that I was raised in, and one that we continued thru our years of marriage. 

However, anyone who knows me, knows 2 things about me:
1. I LOVE Coffee! 
2. I hate, absolutely detest, spending money, time or energy on myself. 
I will give my last breath of money, time, or energy to someone else.
But to take any and spend it on me? 
UGH. 
I have.
I do.
And I will.

But the struggles that I have with doing so, well, it takes away the Joy, to say the least. 
I grumble and mumble, even just to God and to myself. 
All I can think is that I could be doing this for someone else - and thinking what great JOY there is in doing that!!! 

So the challenge in this - is to spend some time, money and energy on ME 
      ... without the grumbling, mumbling and guilt. 
Talk about a challenge! 

How do I spend time on ME today?
What can I do that will bring me Joy? 
How can I spend energy on ME?
What will actually refresh me, not take away? 
How can I spend money on ME?
Money that is not tied to the guilt? 

Lord, You know what a challenge it is for me to even think of myself 
     - without the guilt or grumbling. 
I love to give. 
Just not to myself. 
I don’t mind putting fuel in the truck, or even paying bills. 
I will buy the groceries - yes, usually with the thought of feeding others, too 
I even buy the clothes to wear and the shoes for my feet.
I take the time to eat when my tummy says its hungry.
I give the time and energy for hot showers. 
Yeah, I do all these things to take care of the daily basic needs. 
But Lord, it’s hard for me to even think of MORE for ME. 

You know how much joy I get from putting these gift bags together for my “National Days”, LOL.
And You know how often I have bought something for me, just to add it to the next gift bag. 
Please, help me to see that I am worth spending time, money and energy on. 

Rick did that. 
He was always spending either time, money, or energy on me. 
And it was easy to accept it from him - because I knew that no matter how small or great the gift was, it came from his heart. 
I spent time, money and energy on him, too.
Not because it was in payment for all that he did for me.
But because I loved him. 
And it was my small way of showing that to him. 
​
Yes, I re-read what I just wrote. 
Please, show me how to do this because I love me. 
Because You love me. 
And this is my small way of showing You that I love You for loving me. 
A way to honor the creation I am - Your workmanship created in Christ Jesus for good works. 
In Jesus’ Name
Thank You God for Your patience with me.