Day 6

“Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.” Proverbs 16:32

Love is not irritable.
 
Sometimes, Lord, I just shake my head at You ;) 
You know how irritable I was this morning, just out of sorts with myself. 
And this is my Dare to Love today? 
Really? 
*shaking my head*
Guess You really do know what I need, and when I need it ;) 

This morning, I didn’t take my cute little sock slippers off before putting on my pants - which caused my pants not to just slide on easy. 
It turned into a major tug of war! 
And yes, it irritated me! 
Highly irritated me. 
Then, my shirt didn’t feel right.
My hair wasn’t laying right.
Just grumpiness and grouchiness began to take over.
I sat down with a cup of coffee and my irritability.
And I heard a still quiet voice say, “Just breathe. Take a drink of coffee.” 
I did. 
As that hot coffee flowed down, I felt the irritability flow away, too. 

The older I get, and the farther along on this widow’s walk that I find myself, the more I realize how very tolerant I have become towards some of those very things that used to set me off into a spiral of irritability and grouchiness. 
You know, those things that caused that flash fire, like throwing gasoline on a burning fire. 
I also find that I have much less patience, tolerance, or understanding, towards ANY rude behavior. 
There are times now that my irritability is at an all time record high.
Whether with myself, or with the rude behavior of others. 

I try very hard to keep quiet about it - I do not want to cause harm or pain to anyone else. 
We live in a world where everyone seems irritated with someone or something ALL the time, and I don’t want to add to that.

Being a widow seems extra difficult when irritable.
Rick was my safe place. 
He allowed me to be grumpy and irritable. 
We had “safe words” that we would use - mostly, “Not today, just not today” ... “or give me a minute”
He had that unique way of just listening, letting me rant and rave, have my little “fit” ... 
... and then, loving me out of it. 
When the time was right, he would wrap me in his arms, hold me close, my head on his chest, he would put his chin on the top of my head, and just breathe.
- even now I can feel his breathe as it seeped down thru my hair. 
He would then kiss my forehead.
Wait a moment while he held me.
Slowly loosen his embrace, tilt my head to his, kiss me softly upon the lips ... and then ALWAYS lick the end of my nose! 
And I would squeal - “Ricky Lee! Stop it!” 
Which would make both of us laugh ... and the irritability was gone. 
So, yeah, I miss him bad when I am irritable. 

Today, the question, and challenge, is to love ME when I am irritable. 
To love me like God does. 

To be irritable means to be easily annoyed or made to be angry. 
It is a natural human emotion, brought about (usually) by being overly stressed, or overly tired. 
It’s not wrong to be irritable. 
For me, it’s wrong to stay irritable. 
I know in my own life that to stay irritable leads me to being angry, and mostly, angry for no good reason. 

So, how do I love me when I am irritable?
And how do I love me out of being irritable? 

When my kids were little and growing up, I remember they became irritated at times. How did I respond to them? 
- I would listen if they wanted to rant and rave.
- I would offer some kind of distraction, something to drink, or eat. Maybe watch a TV show together. Read a book for a few minutes. 
- When it was the right time, I would wrap my arms around them, hold them, softly sing or hum. Maybe even just be quiet and let them cry it out. 
- Sometimes it was nap time, and I would just let them sleep. 
Am I so different? 
​
Lord, I need some guidance here. 
I know that You love me enough to accept me just as I am
But that You love me more to change me from the creature I am, to the creation of Yours. 
Would You help me to realize quickly when I am irritable - before I speak? 
And in that realization, would You help me to understand why I am irritable, and what I can do to either accept the situation as it is, or to change it? 
You are the same yesterday, today and forever - 
So I am asking that just as You made a donkey speak, and would not let a man curse Your people, that You will put Your hand over my mouth when I am irritable. 
Make me think first. 
Lead me in prayer.
Show me YOUR way for me thru these moments. 
In Jesus’ Name I ask
Thank You for always knowing exactly what I need
Help me to know. 
I love You. 
Now, to love ME.