“Greet one another with the kiss of love. peace to all of you who are in Christ.” I Peter 5:14
Love makes good impressions.
Looking in the mirror is hard for me to do.
I have never been a vain person, never been “in love” with the mirror.
Have made great strides in avoiding mirrors for most of my life.
Using one only when necessary.
Since being a widow?
It’s even more difficult for me to look into the mirror.
I find myself getting lost in what I see there.
The grief in my eyes.
The emptiness and loneliness that stares back at me.
The hundreds of questions that all seem to find their words in my eyes, and on my face.
The haggard lines of worry and stress, of needs that go unmet.
Darkness under my eyes from lack of quality, and quantity, sleep ... or more important, REST.
There are times that I see the streaks that the tears leave behind.
And I see the one who’s world came crashing down into a gazillion pieces on April 23, 2015.
Most of all, I see war lines, and battle scars.
Time after time I have resisted looking into the mirror, and when I have needed to - for clothes or hair, I purposefully avoid looking into my eyes.
I don’t need a visual reminder of the nightmare being a widow is.
But then, today.
I come to this challenge.
To look at myself.
And to greet me with a kiss of Love and of Grace.
The way that God does.
As I sat here with coffee and my thoughts, I wondered just how to do this.
My warped sense of humor suggested that I dramatically kiss my hand - or better yet, kiss the mirror!
- I know, I know. I am rolling my eyes too! LOL
Another drink of coffee
Another deep breath
And another cry for wisdom, with understanding and insight.
Then, I take my phone, open the camera, and click the button for a selfie.
Take that picture - just as I am.
Put that phone with the picture staring back at me beside this computer and LOOK at me.
What do I see now?
I see streaks of tears where I have missed Rick this morning.
But these particular streaks of tears are also because I have been in prayer.
- praying for our children and our grandchildren
- praying for our family, our friends, and our neighbors
- praying for our country, and our great state of Texas
Tears that poured down with gratitude and worship when considering God’s great Grace, Mercy and Love.
- I will never know what it cost to see my sin upon that Cross!
I see a face that now weighs less these days than 6 years ago
- a face that continues the struggle and fight with being overweight and out of shape
I see more gray hair than ever before
- the splendor of a life that has been LIVED!
I see warrior lines & battle scars -
- but I realize what they mean now. That whatever it has been that tried to kill me, has not. I am a survivor!
I see a woman who loves her husband - even death cannot change that!
I see a widow who would much rather be a wife. But realizes she is a widow and nothing will ever change that.
- so I see the desire in her eyes to live this life as a widow with dignity, with grace, with strength and with courage.
I see a woman who is still here ... and still fighting!
I see a Momma and a Grannee who loves with a passion, a purpose, and with no shame at all!
I see a friend and a family member who truly and deeply cares.
I see a kindhearted woman.
But most of all?
I see a child of God.
No longer a slave to fear.
I think it will be easier after this exercise to look into the mirror and see my eyes.
This is how I greet myself with that “kiss of love”.
Thank You God for clarity, for wisdom that comes with understanding and insight.
Will You help me to remember these lessons, to let them change my life?
In Jesus’ Name I ask
Thank You God
I love You!
Life goes on -
Website designed & developed by Margaret McCoy
God is God over the storms in my life & world -
and I am His.
Trusting in Him. Holding to His Promises as He holds me.
Learning to laugh, to love, & to live ... again - without Rick, but with God
Life goes on ... even when we don't want it to.
Great grief is indicative of a great Love.
Rick, my Sweetheart.
Margaret, his Beloved.
Always & Forever.