As for me?
I know my heart and my mind.
I will always love Rick, therefore I will always grieve for him.
I also know there is nothing more I can do for him - except to live this life in such a way that he would be proud of me and say, "You done good girl" (which is what he often said to me thru the years)
Life moves forward.
It is time for me to own my grief, to wear it with honor and with respect.
It is time to live this life given to me.
We will all have regrets - that is a given.
We have been given the chance to choose our regrets, and I want to choose more wisely than what I perhaps have done these first 32 months. My one defense? No one gave me a manual for living this life as a widow. No one came along beside me and walked me thru it all, either.
I will make mistakes along this journey.
However, I want to be able to look back on this chapter of my life and know that at least I tried.
I didn't just sit down, give up, quit and wallow in the grief.
I have been accused of doing just that, wallowing in the grief. Perhaps I have to some degree, but honestly? If you have ever gone thru intense loss & grief, tell me you did not have moments of wallowing in it!
Having said that, my heart is open to loving again, and to being loved.
Be it friends, or "more".
I am not seeking it, nor do I expect it.
If it is to be, it will happen.
If not, then I will do this life alone - even if it be without friends or family.
My heart & my mind are open.
I know me - my value & my worth.
I also know my shortcomings, faults and flaws.
Knowing the world that we live in today?
I realize not many are willing to look past my short comings.
That is ok - they must live with their choices as well.
At least I know I am a Victoria Secret's model - even tho it is such a secret that not even Victoria knows it! ;) lol
Just wanted to let you know where my heart is
I love you