However, my tolerance is at zero (or below) for those who know this loss and say things such as: "you are wallowing", "you can't be helped", "you need to move on", "quit living in the past", "pull yourself up and get a grip", ...
Really? I was married for 34 years, 7 months, 17 days and 11 hours. I have been a widow for 2 years, 4 months, 7 days and 4 hours. (By the way, I don't have to sit and count, my heart does it for me - even when I don't want it to.)
I get up every day, do my hair, get dressed, and go to work.
I talk, and laugh, and eat.
Shop when needed.
Take long walks as I can.
I engage others in conversations - some they start, some I do.
Yes, I have the gut wrenching moments, the memories that totally blindside me, and the tears that lately are only shed after dark when I should be sleeping.
But I am pressing forward (with no manual, no instruction booklet) the best way I know how.
I stumble, I say the wrong things at the wrong times, I laugh too long, I talk too loud and too much. But then, I am too silent, too still and quiet. I say "I'm sorry" too often (course if I don't say it then I am "cold hearted and do not care about the feelings of others").
I make mistakes.
I don't know everything there is to know about all this. Lord knows I have more questions than answers. I am searching for a measure of peace - Rick always said "Go where the peace is". (But what if there is no peace anywhere? What then? Sigh)
But I am living this widow's life.
Hoping that Rick would be proud of me.
To those who have said these words, I want to say - "I am glad that you are better than this. I am glad that you have found a way to make it thru this life. I hope you continue, that the grief doesn't way-lay you at some point.
If you have found your 2nd chapter? Congratulations. I hope you never have to know this grief again.
If you have the strength to never shed another tear? Good for you.
I am trying, and today? That is the best I can do.
So either love me, and lend me your hand, or your shoulder, or your ear, or just leave me alone."