I used to have a sign above my desk that had a picture of an old buzzard, and underneath it - "51% Sweetheart, 49% Bitch ... Don't push it!"
Well, in dealing wtih all everything lately, we have changed the words --- 51% Trusting in the Lord, 49% Scared to Death! Don't push it!"
And yesterday ... well, everything just seemed to be "pushing" it with me!!! Sigh.
*I know that there is a process to go thru in order to go to somewhere like M.D. Anderson. They are the leading cancer research hospital in the world! And I know that I am not their only prospective patient, neither am I the only woman who has been diagnosed with uterine cancer in the last 2 weeks, nor the only woman with uterine cancer who does not have insurance. I know all this - and I reminded myself and was reminded several times yesterday.
But ... after being scared to death with the "C" word ... and being told how important it is to get this "taken care of" ... then to be sitting here WAITING and WAITING and WAITING ... ok - so, yesterday I didn't handle it all very well at all.
I lost it in talking with Rick ... and I lost it on the phone with Linda from Dr. Tris's office. Just broke down and cried and cried ... tried to stop the tears, but once they started, I couldn't stop them. Sigh.
Frustrated. Discouraged. Scared to death more than anything ... sigh.
*Also dealing with Worker's Comp for Rick's right shoulder ... OMW!
He got griped out because he didn't see a doctor the day of the injury. Sigh. Maybe it isn't the best reason - but him being him, when it first got hurt, he thought with a little time and rest that it would be better. And then, going thru all the doctors and my 2 hospital stays ... well, the shoulder didn't get better. So, the first time he had time to see a doctor, he did.
Anyway - it has been pressed on us about how important it is to get this shoulder looked at, taken care of.
And now? WAITING and WAITING and WAITING ... sigh.
Rick has been referred from Dr. Cutrell to Dr. DeVinney (orthopedic specialist out of ETMC, Tyler, TX). But the worker's comp insurance has to approve him to be seen by this ortho.
In the meantime - ever since the MRI - Rick has been in pain with the shoulder. Before the MRI, he was hurting only if he moved it the wrong way, or picked up something heavier than a fork. But now? For the last 2 days, little to no relief from the pain and discomfort.
*Add to this ... money. I know that money is a necessary evil - but goodness some days I just HATE money!!! Sigh.
I guess I hate what not having money does ... how it controls our emotions more than we want it to. How it changes perspectives before we seem able to catch it. How the lack of money sneaks around and waits patiently for that one moment when you have a need and then leaps from the darkness and takes you DOWN.
We know that God is our Provider - and He is faithful to His promises. He says that He will meet our needs according to His riches in glory thru Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19 ... He doesn't say that He will meet the need of next week before next week, tho.
I told Rick that it would be a lot easier to have faith if I knew the money was in the bank! LOL
*Then, all these hours of what to do ...
...because of lack of money there is little to nowhere we can go. Barely enough money to cover fuel costs to get us back and forth to the doctors. (Wondering at times if there is enough!)
...because of Rick's shoulder injury - he doesn't feel like doing much, especially anything that takes much strength, or two hands.
...I am supposed to be resting more than not - allowing my body to build the blood counts up, preparing for surgery.
...we do not have satellite TV or cable TV. We have watched every movie we have - most more than once or even twice.
...we are now over on our minutes on the phones, so we have to be extra careful with who we call, and when.
Momma always said that "idle hands are the devil's workshop" ... and after yesterday? I believe what my Momma said! Sigh.
We said that we were going to be honest and real in this blog ... sharing the good times and the not so good times. Just call us the 2 old buzzards with a bad buzzard day for yesterday ...
Lord, I hope today is good!!!