Little by little ... Choosing my OR

Thank You God for Your Amazing Grace. 
God, You know what my needs are, and what my wants are
You know what is best for me. 
And You are able, more than capable, of doing exceedingly abundantly more than I could ever think about, imagine, or ask for. 
And God, in the same way - 
You know this body, 
What my aches and pains are
What has made me overweight and out of shape, 
As well as what keeps me there
God, You know what will help me be better than I am
God, I am willing to trust You. 
Asking only that You will show me what to do, and teach me how to do it. 
In Jesus’ Name
Thank You God
I love You
Blessed be the Name of the Lord!!!
Jehovah Jireh (Yahweh-Yireh) - The Lord will Provide
Jehovah Makkeh - The Lord Who disciplines You
Jehovah (Yahweh) Rapha - the Lord Who heals You

God, I have read and searched and researched on diets and exercise programs
Everyone wants $$$
But what happens when someone needs a healthier life, and they greatly desire a better body 
- but they don’t have the $$$ for plans and programs and such? 
- like me. 
Maybe that’s where I come in ? 
I have the time and ability to research things out
With Your help to come up with something that will actually work
Take a little from here and there, add a LOT of prayer - 
And then, if it works for me? 
Give it away. 
I ask for wisdom. 
And strength.
God, here I am
Just as I am
Crying out to You
In Jesus’ Name
Thank You God
I love You
Blessed be Your Name!!!
The Lord, my Plan-Maker, my Way-Maker 
The Lord, my Keeper  
The One Who holds me ((( 💗 )))

Today, I am:
59 years old. 
Overweight.
Out of shape.
Frustrated.
Discouraged.
A body of pain, where every move I make hurts. 
And every breath I take seems to be done with some degree of discomfort. 
106 days until I turn 60 years old. 
I have tried diets and programs
Spent money, wasted time
I have yo-yo’ed with the weight my whole life.
I have cried a river of tears thru the years.
And here I am. 
At a crossroads
I can either just give up, stop all the craziness and accept the body I have gotten
OR 
I can take a deep breath and decide that this is NOT the way I want to spend the remaining years of my life. 
I choose the latter. 
The OR.
I started this blog with the prayer I found myself praying this morning 
From a soul of despair and weariness. 
This will continue to be my prayer as I work and walk my way thru this
There may come a time when I must accept that I cannot lose the weight, I will not get in shape
But that is not today. 
So today, I choose the OR. 
My Bible reading took me to Exodus 23:30 this morning
“Little by little I will drive them out from before you, until you have increased and possess the land.” 
My OR is going to stand on this Promise from God. 
And even if I don’t lose the weight, 
I will no longer be dominated by food, or the struggle
Nor will I be controlled by what anyone says I should look like - society, movies, books, magazines, celebrities, coaches, trainers 
This is MY life
Whatever happens, it has to be something that I can actually afford and live with
And what Honors God.
If you have never watched “Facing the Giants”, please as soon as you can - do so! 

I have already started making little by little changes in my life, before starting these writings and sharing. 
: I went from drinking carbonated drinks as my drink of choice - multiple times per day ... to rarely having a carbonated drink these days. 
About the only time I have a carbonated drink now is if my tummy is sick and nothing, absolutely nothing, else works to calm it. Then, I will relent and drink a Sprite - well, sip on it. 
When I had Covid-19 in October 2020, I drank 6 Sprites. No, let me correct myself - I poured up 6 Sprites in a month’s time. But then, I poured out most of each one. I sipped on each one as needed, until my tummy calmed and quieted, then down the drain the rest of them went. 
It was not a “cold-turkey” decision. 
It was “little by little” . 
Where I was drinking a soda every time I was thirsty, I made the decision to only drink one with meals. Then I chose to only drink one a day. Then only 1 every other day. Then 1 a week. Then allowed myself 1 only on special occasions. Finally finding myself without a desire to drink one, so it was easier to say “no thank you” when offered. 
It took about 6 months to get me thru the little by little on it. 
But I found the less I drank the sodas, the better I felt, and the less swelling in my hands and legs. 
: I also went from eating salt on literally everything, to rarely using salt at all. And when I do use salt these days? It is the pink Himalayan salt. Takes less, and tastes better, to me. 
: After doing the little by little on sodas, I realized I was drinking sweet tea and sweet lemonade instead of the sodas. 
I thought about it, and decided that if I could do the little by little on the sodas, then why not do the same on the sweet drinks? 
And I have. 
I still allow myself one glass of sweet tea once a week - and I enjoy it! 
On occasion I will drink the lemonade, but then I don’t have my glass of sweet tea. 
If I am sick, like I was in October 2020 with Covid, I will drink fruit juice - as a way to flush my system. 
: I have also stopped cooking cakes, pies, and cookies. Too easy for me to eat “just one” that always turns into MORE than “just one”. So now, if I am craving something sweet, and fruit doesn’t satisfy - I will buy ONE cookie, or ONE slice of pie, or ONE slice of cake. It’s more expensive that way, yes. But that also helps me decide if it is really worth the $ just for the taste. More than not? It’s NOT! 
: The only bread I will eat now is an occasional roll - like if I am at someone’s house and it is part of the meal. Or my cornbread - which I only cook maybe once a month these days. 
: If I have dressing for a salad, I use it on the side -dipping my salad into it, rather than pouring it on. 

All of that sounds good, and it IS good. 
Positive steps in the right direction.
However, I have my pit falls, the slippery slopes, the sink holes. You know, those places and times where I don’t just stumble. Oh no! I fall flat on my face in the muck and mire of overeating! 
: Peanut butter. I have been absolutely craving peanut butter in the last 3 months. I struggle with only eating 1 T of it. Sometimes I win ... and sadly, sometimes - well, I don’t. 
: Cheese. I love cheese. And while I work hard at decreasing the amount of cheese that I use in recipes, and I don’t eat sandwiches anymore to pile the cheese slices on ... I struggle with staying away from the block cheese. Oh I love cheese! And 2 oz of block cheese? That’s not even a TASTE! 
: Coffee. Well, coffee creamer. I love the Italian Sweet Cream! LOVE it!!! I have decreased the amount that I use, but still cannot get to the point of saying “no” to it all together. And since I drink several cups of coffee a day? Yeah, it hurts the total calories/carbs thing. 
: Since I live alone (am a widow) I like to watch the old sitcoms while I eat. Beverly Hillbillies, Dick Van Dyke, Green Acres. I don’t think anything is wrong with that in itself. Eating in silence and alone after 35 years of marriage is very depressing. However, it’s hard not to watch more than one episode, especially since I have ROKU! Which is fine ... except ... It often leads to eating more than I should at a meal - and I don’t realize how much I have eaten until that 2nd episode is over and I start to put away the food. Then, sorrow, shame, disgust, and regret. Sigh. 
: I have NO willpower when it comes to cookies, cakes, pies, chips (oh my!), or any kind of snacky stuff in the house. 
So, I try very hard not to buy them. 
But then ever so often, I do buy something. 
So, I separate a package of cookies  or chips or whatever, into Ziploc bags - one serving per bag, hoping that this time I will have the strength to only open ONE Ziploc bag! 
I’m getting better ... most days. ;) 
The crazy thing is - if there is a bag of chips in the apartment, as long as they are NOT open? I’m good. Those chips could be here till the 2nd Tuesday of next week and I would be good. But let those bad boys get opened! It’s Katy-bar-the-door then! Sigh. 
: I also seem to crave MEAT in the last 3 months especially. I cannot get enough!!! 
I made a Mexican meatloaf the other day, thinking it would help. And it did! But it was such as struggle not to just stand there and eat “one more bite”. So, I let it cool, then I cut it in squares, putting each one into a Ziploc bag ... then froze the whole lot of them! Now, if I want a piece of meatloaf, I have to defrost it and heat it up! LOL 

I don’t know about you, I only know me and my struggles. 
But I don’t have the money for a specialized diet or food program - such as a total KETO, or the Nutri-system, or any of the other gazillion plans and programs that are out there. 
I also don’t have the money for the weight loss surgery - not that I haven’t considered it, contemplating one of the old western style bank robberies down in Old Mexico, LOL
I don’t have the money for diet pills, or the whole shake industry, either
I live on a widow’s benefit from Social Security. 
I have the apartment rent, a truck payment, and my other bills.
There are times I wonder if I will have any money for groceries at all! 
Oh, and eating healthy? 
IT’S EXPENSIVE!!!
So, how do I do this? 
How do I lose 100 pounds without a plan, a program, a pill, or surgery? 

I have lost weight in the past.
When I was 17 I lost 100 pounds in 3 months. Last day of my Junior year of high school I weighed in at 275. The first day of my Senior year? I weighed in at 175! And that whole year, I kept it off. 
- I ate one cup of soup a day. And I exercised about 6 hours a day. Nearly killed my crazy self over it, too! Long story there. Not again, not like that! 
In 2015-2016, I lost 150 pounds over about a year. Rick died April 23, 2015, so I began the widow diet. I would NOT recommend that to anyone! Just saying. 
- I wasn’t hungry. Had to force myself to eat even one meal a day. But I walked. I walked and I walked and I walked. Tears streaming down my face. My heart feeling like it was going to explode out of my body - from the grief, not from the exertion. I saw my doctor and talked to him about it all. He told me to just breathe. That grief takes a long time, if ever, to work its way thru a broken heart, a shattered life. He was right. 
And other than these 2 extreme losses? I have lost a few pounds to as much as 50, then gained it back. Only to lose it again. And gain it back. 
Allowing the jeers and laughter of others to shame me. 
Hearing the words of others that were sometimes meant to help, to encourage, but they never did. Those words only made me feel ashamed, discouraged, and hurt. 
Didn’t anyone know how hard this was for me? 
Didn’t anyone care that I struggled with this day and night? 
My self esteem and confidence has never been on the high side - because I listened to too many. I bought into the image that we are fed by movies, TV shows, magazine articles, books, our skinny family and friends, doctors, all the commercials, and on and on and on. 
- speaking of commercials. Have you noticed that there will be a commercial about food, a particular restaurant advertising their latest creation ... then a commercial about a weight loss product ... followed by a commercial talking about the dangers of a weight loss pill or product? UGH!!! 

I know I can do this! 
I believe I can.
It’s just a matter of taking it little by little. 
Which is hard to do
I want to see instant results
No sweet tea? I should weigh at least a pound less! 
15 minutes of exercise? I should weigh a couple of pounds less!
Drink 3 bottles of water in a day? Bam! That should count for 3 pounds less!
And yet, I see the scales bouncing from 285 to 305 ... up, down. Up, down. Up, down. 
Enough of this craziness! 

God has given me a computer, with Internet access.
He’s given me the ability to research, and to read. 
He’s also given me the TIME. 
Time is not something everyone has to do this.
Time hasn’t always been something that I have had to do this.
But I have it now. 
A 500 sq ft apartment doesn’t take much time to clean or maintain.
Living alone, with no outside job, gives me a lot of hours without direction or purpose.
So, for me ... and for you - here I am
Giving myself to this. 
Little by little, choosing the OR. 
Join me?