Independence . . .

Rick, i sit here this morning with a thousand thoughts and memories.
Sifting thru them, wondering what to write about.
It's hard sometimes to find the words - when i love you so much, when i miss you like crazy.

But what comes to the front of my mind and heart this morning is the independence you put in me.

When we got married, 35+ years ago, you asked me if i wanted a career - outside the home.
You told me before i answered that you would support me and do all you could to help me - whatever i wanted to do.
I didn't even have to think about it.
I remember looking at  you - and telling you that i wanted to be your wife, the mother of your children one day, and the keeper of your home.
I still see the pride and joy in your eyes.
I see the glistening of passion and honor there.
And i hear your voice - "Well, then. I will make the living, you make the living worthwhile."
That is what we did ... for 34 years, 7 months, 17 days and 11 hours.

You also said, how many times did you say this to others? - "I have a very obedient wife."
Other guys would look at you and call "Bullshit" --
and your answer was always the same ...
"No seriously - she is very obedient. Always does exactly what i tell her. Because i told her to do whatever she wants to do - and i am big enough to back her up in it. And that is what she does - whatever she wants to!"

I miss that about you.
But i am so thankful for all those years of having that from you.

Course, that makes me a little more hard to deal with now.
LOL ...
There are those that wish i would listen to what they think and say more. That wish i was not so independently minded.
LOL ...

All i can say - Oh well!
It is who i am ...
Rick worked too hard to get me to where i am.
I will honor your legacy, your memory.
And i will stand on my own feet, even if i stumble and fall.
I miss knowing that you are there to steady me, or pick me up.
I miss knowing that you are there to defend me.
Makes me feel a bit vulnerable now.
But - I am learning to stand firm.
To draw those lines about meself.

I love you Rick.
​I miss you.