Well, I am in a place of my own
At least for now
Guess it depends on how long God wants me to stay here as to how long I am here ;)
Just a studio apartment (or efficiency, depending on what you want to call it)
Remember that place we lived in outside of Hico, at Kurt and Vicki's?
That was what, about 900 sq feet?
Well, this is about 500 sq feet.
Just about the right size for me, I suppose.
One door in, and then just the bathroom door.
2 windows, one large one above the table I have for a desk, and the small one in the bathroom
It’s different living alone
I think the hardest thing is simply not having anyone to talk to,
And no voice coming back to me
I talk to God, a lot ... sometimes writing in my journal, sometimes just out loud
I listen to music, actually listen to it more when I’m walking or in the truck driving somewhere
I watch movies, but usually don’t even turn the TV on till after 5 p.m.
I have the Internet now, but typical for a satellite system - doesn’t work on bad weather days
- you know, those days when I need it the most, or at least, could use it the most.
I also have the ROKU TV box, but of course, it needs the Internet to work - lol
Some nights I sleep pretty good, only a couple of turns in the bed
And then, there are the nights that sleep is far from me
I’m really tired of fighting sleep these days ...
- been thinking about just sleeping when I can, day or night
- and when I can’t sleep, just get up! Find something to do!
So much goes against the way we have always done things
Guess that’s just what happens when one dies and one becomes a widow, huh?
Now it’s not what “we” do, or what “we” want to eat, not even what “we” want to watch ...
It’s about “ME” now
And you of all people know just how hard that is for me!
I’ve never been one to think of myself
All I can do is think of me
It’s so weird
In some ways so not right
And yet, it doesn’t feel wrong
I think I will always miss you
Probably always write you letters
And talk to your picture a thousand times a day saying:
You know I love you, right?
Well, do you know how much I miss you, too?
September 5, 1980
The day my life began as Mrs. Rick McCoy. No greater joy, no greater passion - Thank you Sweetheart for choosing me. I love you - always have and forever will!!!!!