Coffee Love
  • Coffee Love
  • My Profile
    • I Believe
    • Stories from the Mists
    • Stay the Course
    • Respect, Honor, Gratitude
    • Favorite Links
  • Scattered Feathers
    • When You Need the Music
    • Coffee Love Images
    • Take it to the Roots
    • Love Notes
  • My Recipe Book
    • Appetizers
    • Bread
    • Casseroles
    • Crockpot Love
    • Meats
    • Veggies
    • Desserts - oh my!
  • Junk Drawer
    • Worth Sharing
    • Helpful Hints
  • Contact Me

I love you -

4/22/2019

0 Comments

 
Ever since you died I have struggled with the thoughts and feelings that it should have been me.
That if you had lived instead of me you would have known what to do, where to go, and how to get thru this.
I have cried a river of tears.
I have stomped and stormed.
I have tried to just accept and go on.
Still lost and confused.
Still thinking that it would have been better for everyone had it been me who died instead of you. 

Then came yesterday afternoon and a moment of clarity, a "light-bulb-moment" as you used to call it. 
Had it been me who died, you would have been as empty and lost as I am today.
We were so much a part of each other.
I love you too much to even think any longer that it would have been better. 
I love you honey.
And as hard as this is to deal with - I am glad that you don't have to know the pain and agony of the emptiness and loneliness. 

I still don't know what to do, nor where to be.
I don't feel like I belong anywhere.
There is such a cavernous and aching emptiness inside of me.
But I am breathing ...
some days Just Breathing.
I am putting one foot in front of the other, taking one moment at a time. 

I love you and I miss you. 
After all these months - it is still so hard to believe I will never see you again.
That you will never hold me.
I will never smell you when you kiss my forehead. 
This hurts like Hell. 
​And ... 
I love you too much to wish it were you dealing with it. 
Picture
0 Comments

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    September 5, 1980

    The day my life began as Mrs. Rick McCoy. No greater joy, no greater passion - Thank you Sweetheart for choosing me. I love you - always have and forever will!!!!!

    Categories

    All
    1979
    1993
    33 Days
    4 Years Old
    5 Years
    6 Years
    6 Years Old
    Alone
    A Place Of My Own
    Breathing
    Cabin
    Christmas
    Confession
    Cooking Stew
    Coronavirus
    Dickey Prairie
    Elvis
    Fighting Sleep
    Forgiveness
    Grief
    Independence
    Joshua
    Kentucky
    Laughter
    Life Just With You
    Life Without You
    Life With The Kids
    Listening
    Long Drives
    Lost
    Missing You
    Molalla
    Morning After
    Mt. Hood
    Nick
    Oregon
    Regrets
    Restoration
    Roses
    Son Of Texas
    Stressed Out
    Summer 2020
    The Alamo
    Thinking Of Me
    Time Alone
    Watching Movies
    Wedding
    Wedding Night
    Wonderings
    Your Arms
    Your Birthday

    RSS Feed

Website designed & developed by Margaret McCoy

​
God is God over the storms in my life & world -
and I am His.
Trusting in Him. Holding to His Promises as He holds me.

​
Learning to laugh, to love, & to live ... again - without Rick, but with God

Life goes on ... even when we don't want it to.

Great grief is indicative of a great Love.

Rick, my Sweetheart.
Margaret, his Beloved.
Always & Forever.
​
Picture
©Margaret McCoy, the Queen of Kamelot Coffee 
  • Coffee Love
  • My Profile
    • I Believe
    • Stories from the Mists
    • Stay the Course
    • Respect, Honor, Gratitude
    • Favorite Links
  • Scattered Feathers
    • When You Need the Music
    • Coffee Love Images
    • Take it to the Roots
    • Love Notes
  • My Recipe Book
    • Appetizers
    • Bread
    • Casseroles
    • Crockpot Love
    • Meats
    • Veggies
    • Desserts - oh my!
  • Junk Drawer
    • Worth Sharing
    • Helpful Hints
  • Contact Me