January 9, 2019

I've been thinking about Rick a lot lately (no surprise there).
It is an honor to have been loved by him - his first true love ... and his last.
That he loved me just like our vows said, "Till death do us part".
I wanted the fairy tale dream, where we loved & laughed & lived until we were both over 100 and then died together while making love.
But just to know that he died loving me, and that I was there touching him.
There is comfort in that knowledge.
I love you BIG, Rick.
Always have, and I forever will.
Your Meg.
 
What if Rick wasn't supposed to be my "happy ever after", but I was his?
Perhaps I was put in his life to help him, to see him thru to the end.
Doesn't make the emptiness any less, or the ache easier.
Doesn't wrap arms around me to comfort and hold me.
But these are the thoughts that play in the back of my mind as I work. ​

What I crave: Coffee. Hugs. Forehead kisses. Laughter. The moon. Snow. Stars. Deer. Flowers. Sunrises. Sunsets. Icicles. Leaves that look like a woodpecker. Clouds. Moments and memories. ​

Irish spinner and spinning wheel.
County Galway, Ireland

So cool!
Moon above the waterfall  ​

Today I will miss
​being held.
If even for just a moment.
HELD.
Sigh.

Today I will miss the sweet ending to the day.
Arms that tenderly hold me.
An innocent forehead kiss.
The soothing sounds of sleepy breathing.
Cheek laid against skin.
Sigh.