I have never known loneliness like I have known it these 2 months.
The stillness and quietness of this house hour after hour, day after day.
There have been a few scattered hours, and even a day here and there, that I have not spent alone and/or in this house.
But, for the most part - here ... and alone. The computer and the phone as my companions.
Wondering how Rick is, where he is.
I have had several people ask and suggest that I "get a job" or at least "get a life".
What no one knows or understands ...
In all these years of my life (almost 50 now) I have wanted a "job" and a "life" of being a wife, a momma, and a grandmother, a homemaker.
And God has blessed me and allowed me to be just that.
I never desired to work outside the home.
I never craved the career.
It was the greatest joy of my life to be a stay at home wife and mother.
Then, the joy of being a help-meet to my husband these last few years in his work.
Maybe the life I have lived for these last 30 years would not have been another's "dream" or desire ... but it was mine.
And I thank God daily for these years and His granting my "dream".
But now ...
Still a wife.
But the job Rick is working doesn't need my "help".
And as much as he is away from home now, changes our "life".
Still a momma.
But the kids are grown.
Doing great. Both married and with kids. Home. Jobs. Friends.
A life that doesn't need a 24/7 "momma".
Still a grannee.
6 "perfect" grandkids. :-)
They are the light in my world.
The wind beneath my wings.
They are my hope for the future.
The strength when I am weak.
But - they are in school, and they have a life outside of school, too.
Time and life, and distance - does not allow me to be a 24/7 "grannee" either.
I find myself with more time on my hands than housecleaning or "home-making" requires.
Yet, with certain constraints against me that do not allow for a "life" away from the house as much as I could have done years ago.
I spend a LOT of time in prayer ... a LOT of time thinking.
And I am trying to wait on the Lord to show me what it is that HE wants me to do with these hours.
I am using some of this time alone to wade thru stuff that I have put on the back burners for so long ...
I am learning to think about what "I" want to eat, what "I" want to watch, what "I" want to do.
And after all these years of putting myself away for my husband and my children - this is a totally new experience!
(And honestly, I am NOT good at it!)
Which is the main reason I decided to "do" this website.
I had tried several different websites - but due to "life" happening, just could not seem to get the time to learn it all, nor the time to really keep up with it.
But now ... well, I am trying. LOL
God has shown us a lot these last few years ... and especially in the last couple.
I will be sharing more of our "story" as I go along.
Still trying to figure out how to make this website make sense. LOL