Then came yesterday afternoon and a moment of clarity, a "light-bulb-moment" as you used to call it.
Had it been me who died, you would have been as empty and lost as I am today. We were so much a part of each other. I love you too much to even think any longer that it would have been better.
I love you honey. And as hard as this is to deal with - I am glad that you don't have to know the pain and agony of the emptiness and loneliness.
I still don't know what to do, nor where to be. I don't feel like I belong anywhere. There is such a cavernous and aching emptiness inside of me. But I am breathing ... some days Just Breathing. I am putting one foot in front of the other, taking one moment at a time.
I love you and I miss you.
After all these months - it is still so hard to believe I will never see you again. That you will never hold me. I will never smell you when you kiss my forehead.
This hurts like Hell.
I love you too much to wish it were you dealing with it.