Rick - 11 days now since you have been gone. I still find myself waiting for your phone call to let me know that you are on your way home, or that you are just waking up and getting your day started. Guess that is part of having been a truck driver's wife.
But then, I catch myself listening for the cycler alarms, wondering if you need a pain pill or a drink of water. That is the caregiver in me - still wanting to take care of you, my sweetheart, my love.
11 days and a million memories ... many firsts already ... a thousand tears a day it seems. And yet, I find myself smiling and laughing - thinking about your jokes, your teasing, your passion and love for me.
The nights are the hardest. I miss you always - but I miss you so much at night. Just to know that you are only a touch away.
How many times did we reach across the bed just to touch, to reassure ourselves that the other one was near? How many bad dreams did I have that you would hold me afterward, calming all my fears, wiping away the tears?
I went to church last Wednesday night. Sat in "your" chair. Felt close to you. And I went to church yesterday morning as well. Sat beside "your" chair - just like I used to do. I could not bring myself to close my eyes tho - I felt you so strongly beside me, I was afraid that if I closed my eyes and then opened them that you would not be there. Oh how you loved church! Where else can I go and feel so close to you.
I thought about you when we were praising the Lord in song - how that you are face to face with Jesus, no more "I can only imagine".
I know that you are in a better place. But I am so lost and empty without you. My mind feels like it is in a thick fog - even while I talk and laugh and cry. You are always on my mind, always in my heart.
I just miss you so much!!!
Some say that it gets easier, that the tears won't burn so hot, that the pain will ease. It's hard to think that it true.
I love you sweetheart. I miss you honey.
So why "Scattered Feathers" ? ? ?
You can read it here