My life now

Ok, let's try this again. Sigh. 
No idea what happened to the post of yesterday. Cyber-eaten is the only answer I have.

I don't expect anyone to be reading this every day, not like I have an exciting life (yet). However, this is MY life, as Rick's widow. Closing out the 3rd year and beginning the 4th. The shock & numbness is gone - well, for the most part. There are moments still when a literal shock wave will hit me, take me to the floor in tears. Then there is the numbness that comes and goes at will, I never know when it will hit. The widow's fog is clearer, yet it remains, too. I have been given words of assurance that I am NOT crazy, but rather, surviving widowhood. All a process. All is my new "normal". (It sucks! But, as Rick would say - "it is what it is".)

Waiting (impatiently, I might add) for my new glasses. I know that these are one of the causes of the headaches. Looking forward to letting these gooooooooooo! :) 

Working on the 2017 end of year financials for Budville Motors, LLC. Hoping to have it all ready to hand off to the CPA no later than first of next week (preferably tomorrow, but not looking so good on that). 

Another goal: Get back into my ancestry. Rick and I had so many good hours putting this together, gathering pictures, visiting the cemeteries, researching and recording. I want to finish what we started. Giving our kids and grandkids a legacy & history that they can touch, see & read.
--updated all my ancestry info @ ancestry.com
--joined (at least as a guest) another research site
--talking with a friend who is very knowledgeable about genealogy
--starting to organize my pictures so that I can upload them 

Also working on my website. Rick believed in me, said that I had a "talent", a "gift", of writing. He believed so strongly that he bought me this website and asked me to be brutally honest about our life - good days & bad. He said, "Honey, if what you write can help just one person deal with their troubles & life, then nothing we are going thru is in vain." So, from this heartbeat forward, this website will be dedicated to the one who believed in me when no one else, including myself, did. *I love you Rick, always*

I made a pot of chicken stew on Wednesday. Which made the house smell so good. Chicken, tomatoes, green beans, corn, potatoes, baby carrots, a bit of oregano, basil, garlic powder. Simmer for several hours until potatoes & carrots were tender. A hot pan of cornbread with real butter. Mmmmm...how good it was!

Still thinking & wondering about my future. Where to be. What to do. I think the hardest thing to think about is HOW. I have to think about it all - but focus on today, this moment.
Rick was so insistent that I have a vehicle, one that worked properly, dependable, well-maintained, and always full of gas. All I had to do was get in it, and drive. God, how I miss that man! Sigh.