A confession

i am so thankful, and humbled by God's amazing grace, by His longsuffering with me. 

God has been speaking a word to me these last few weeks, and true to my stubbornness, i have not been listening very well. i have been hearing His voice. But there is a difference in hearing and in listening. Listening implies obedience. And sadly, obedience to the Lord has not been my strong point lately - at least not in this. 

How easy it is to cross the line from sharing the burden of our hearts with one another & expressing our needs to grumbling and complaining. (One guess to where this is going ... sigh.)
Well, i have taken the easy way. With the defense of sharing our burdens, letting others know our needs, asking for prayer - and all sounding so "right" to my own ears ... i have fallen to this grumbling and complaining. 
The Lord got on to me a few days ago and i have been trying hard to do better, to be better - in my personal time, when with others, on Facebook, and even here. 
He spoke a Word to me a few days ago - Romans 14:22 ... "So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God." That's a hard word -- because misery loves company. No one wants to go thru the lonesome valley alone. 

i am sorry. i ask you to forgive me. i thought about going back in my blog and removing those posts that sound so grumbling - but then, i don't think i will ... it is a stark reminder to me. i have gone back and looked at them, and i am much ashamed. i know better. i just didn't do better. i am sorry. please, forgive me. 

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i am not saying that i will never again share the bad times of our lives - i will. That was a promise i made in the beginning of all this - that i would share the good days and the bad. That we would be honest and straightforward, hiding nothing. 
But my heart's desire and intention is to never cross that line again into grumbling and complaining. 
Pray for me. Pray with me. 

Confirmation of truly hearing this from God was given to me this morning as i read my devotional -- Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. (If you don't have a copy of this devotional - i would strongly suggest that you go get one! If i had the ability to do so, i would buy a copy and give it to everyone that i know, that i meet. It is that good!!! If you want to sit at the feet of Jesus ... this is a good way to learn that.)

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(i need to assume the liberty of sharing this as it is written --)
"You have been on a long, uphill journey, and your energy is almost spent. Though you have faltered at times, you have not let go of My hand. I am pleased with your desire to stay close to Me. There is one thing, however, that displeases Me: your tendency to complain. You may talk to Me as much a s you like about the difficulty of the path we are following. I understand better than anyone else the stresses and strains that have afflicted you. You can ventilate safely to Me, because talking with Me tempers your thoughts and helps you see things from My perspective. 
Complaining to others is another matter altogether. It opens the door to deadly sins such as self-pity and rage. Whenever you are tempted to grumble, come to Me and talk it out. As you open up to Me, I will put My thoughts in your mind and My song in your heart." 
There is no way that could have been more clear! 

**Father God, i am sorry. Thank you for your conviction without condemnation. Thank you for correcting me so tenderly, in love, tempered with your amazing grace. 
i repent. Teach me how to share burdens and prayer requests, how to be honest about the bad days and the needs - without grumbling and complaining. Teach me how to lean on Your strength to get thru it all. Teach me how to trust in you with all my heart, leaning not on my own understanding, in all my ways acknowledging you. And open my eyes so that i can see when you direct my paths and make them straight. Help me to shut up, giving Jesus time to pray for me. And when all i can do is breathe? Well, help me to just breathe in and breathe out. 
O Father! Thank you for loving me. for choosing me. for calling me by Your Name. for paying the ransom and redeeming me. And thank you that you still do this ... 

I love you. 
in Jesus' Name ... 

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