A Widow's Dare to Love

     There are times when life moves along one step in front of the other. And honestly? That seems to happen only on occasion for me these last few years. For me it is more like 1 step forward, 2 to the left, 1 to the right backwards, 3 straight back, 4 going in a circle, and maybe on a good day, 1 more forward. I have learned different ways of coping, the main one being to Just Breathe. No matter where I am, no matter who I am with, no matter what I am doing - Just Breathe. This moment will pass, too. Look for the reason, or maybe the lesson. And especially look for the blessing. More often than not, there are secret treasures hidden all along the day's path, and it is up to us to find those treasures, so that we can appreciate them. 
     I remember when our kids were little. We didn't always do a big Easter egg hunt. Oh, they always got a basket of goodies. And they always had an Easter egg hunt. But depending on where we were living, and what was going on that day, there were times when we would hide the treasures in the house - and when we did that, sometimes those treasures were not all found in that one day. The first time it was such a joy and blessing to hear their squeals several days after Easter when they found a treasure, that it became something to be done on purpose. Hide things in unexpected places. A new pencil or pen. A bookmarker. A small toy. A special book. Maybe a candy treat, if I was sure it would be found before it was too late, lol. 
     I learned that from God. 
    God, does that. He hides treasures all in our days. He knows the end from the beginning. So it is no surprise to Him where we will be on a given day, or what we will be doing. But just as it gave Rick and I great pleasure and joy in hearing the kids laughter and squeals ... it gives God great joy when we do the same. The Bible says that God takes great delight in us.
Psalm 149:4 - "For the Lord takes pleasure in His people; He adorns the humble with salvation."
Psalm 147:11 - "But the Lord takes pleasure in those who fear him, in those who hope in His steadfast Love." 
     I don't want to deprive God of His pleasure. There's too much hatred and ugliness in the world as it is. Even God should be allowed to smile, to laugh out loud, to find pleasure. May He in me. 

I am working my way thru writing a book. 
It is not the book I thought I would write. But, I am working as the Lord leads my heart. 
Only He knows what He wants to do with it beyond me writing it. 
There is much thought and prayer going into it. And I know there will be much more before it is finished. 
​Thought I would share the Introduction here. 
​
A Widow's Dare to Love
- by Margaret McCoy, with God's help 
A journey into loving myself the way God does.

Dedicated to my Sweetheart.
Rick, you taught me the real meaning of loving and of being loved - every day.
Not just on holidays or special days.
This is the book that you always wanted me to write. 
- well one of them ;) 
I love you.
Forever and always - to infinity and beyond!!!
- your Beloved Megan Lee. 

Chapter 1 (or Introduction)
I just watched the movie, "Fireproof", again. First, let me say what an excellent movie it is! I have read blogs and articles that attacked it as being "unBiblical" or detrimental to relationships. But, done right? With the right heart and spirit? It WORKS!!! Rick and I learned that. We proved that. 
Before I pushed "play" this evening, I stopped a moment and asked God one question, well, more than one really ;) - "Lord, what can I learn from this tonight? Why even watch it? I am no longer a wife. I am a widow. But surely there is something here for me, or the urging to watch it would not be so strong." 
Push play. Watch the movie with an open mind and a seeking heart. 
In the last few minutes of the movie, the tears began to flow hot, sticky and heavy down my cheeks. I miss Rick SO very much. 

So, did I take away anything for ME, as a widow? Yes.
A 40-day challenge to love God, who is now my Husband. Isaiah 54:5 - "For your Maker is your husband, the LORD of hosts is His name; and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer, the God of the whole earth He is called."
And to love myself, Rick's widow, as God loves me. 

First, I must answer this question: WHO AM I? 
*I am a Christian
*I was Rick's wife
*I am Rick's widow
*I am momma to Angel and to Joshua
*I am Grannee to Elijah, Brooklyn, Shell and Kyla
*I am mother in law to Dessie
*I wear a lot of different hats with family and friends
But thru the years, my roles have changed, my life has rearranged. I am no longer needed like I was once. Sometimes I have even wondered if I am any more wanted. 
So, I sit here this evening, asking myself, "Who are you, Margaret? Really? Where is your identity? What is your worth? What is your value?" 
These are hard questions any time in life. Near impossible questions to answer in the emptiness of the night, with tears streaking my face.
I know it's time to answer them. 

WHO AM I? 
I am a bruised reed.
A faintly burning wick.
Holding to my promise from God: "A bruised reed He will not break, and a faintly burning wick He will not quench." Isaiah 42:3

I am: 
Precious
Honored
Loved
"Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you." Isaiah 43:4

I am:
Part of the Holy People, Redeemed of the Lord
"And they shall be called The Holy People, The Redeemed of the Lord." Isaiah 62:12

I am Blessed. Ephesians 1:3
I am Chosen. Ephesians 1:4
I am Holy. Ephesians 1:4
I am Blameless. Ephesians 1:4
I am Predestined. Ephesians 1:5,11
I am Adopted. Ephesians 1:5
I am Redeemed. Ephesians 1:7
I am Forgiven. Ephesians 1:7
I am to the praise of His Glory. Ephesians 1:12
I am Sealed with the Holy Spirit. Ephesians 1:13
I am Called with a Hope. Ephesians 1:18
I am part of the Body of Christ. Ephesians 1:22-23
I am Alive. Ephesians 2:5
I am Saved. Ephesians 2:5,8
I am Raised up. Ephesians 2:6
I am God's workmanship. Ephesians 2:10
I am Created in Christ Jesus. Ephesians 2:10
I am Near to God. Ephesians 2:13
I am Reconciled. Ephesians 2:16
I am no longer a stranger or an alien. Ephesians 2:19
I am a Citizen in the House of God. Ephesians 2:19
I am a Dwelling Place for God. Ephesians 2:22
I am - all of this and so much more!!!

Not because of who I am in myself. Not because of anything I have done. I do not deserve God's Grace. 
But I am because of the Great I AM! 
Because of what HE has done. Because of Who HE is! 
I am no longer a slave to fear, I am a child of God. Romans 8:15 & Galatians 4:7
That is WHO I AM. 
That is my identity. 
That is my worth. 
That is my value.
I am a Child of God. 

And as a child of God, I am loved. 
If God has loved me enough for Jesus, His Only Begotten Son, to die on the Cross, then I am enough to be loved by me, too. 

Jesus said that we are to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. Matthew 22:39
If we don't love ourselves, then how do we love others?
We can't. 
Not fully and completely as God wants us to, as God commands us to. And not as God loves them. 
This is NOT about the whole "ME" generation we see so prevalent in our society these days. 
God loves us first. We love Him back. And we show our love to HIm by loving others. 
But how can we say we love God, we love others, and yet hate (or detest) ourselves? 
Do we not know who we are?

I am a child of God. Romans 8:15 & Galatians 4:7

We take care of ourselves, sometimes spending a great amount of time, energy and money on ourselves. 
But why? 
Is it because it is expected of us by society?
Are just trying to keep us with the Karen's or the Jones's of our world? 
Are we compelled to do this because of TV, movies, and advertising?
Are we trying to make a good impression on those around us?
Are we trying to fix an inward problem with an outward solution?
Why? 
Dig deep into your heart, and answer this for yourself. 
I am. 

What does it mean to love ourselves as God loves us?
So that we may learn what it is to love our neighbors as we love ourselves. 

This is my journey in daring to love me like God does, and like God wants me to love others. 
"A Widow's Dare to Love"
Join me?  

It is loosely based on "The Love Dare". But with personal inward applications. Interspersed with some stories of my Sweetheart and our Loving Life together. 
Perhaps there will be another book, I can feel the stirrings of the words deep within me as I write the words for this one. 
I do not know what I am doing in writing, Lol - but God knows. 
He wrote a Bestseller, so I figure He has the wisdom and direction I need to get this in print. :) 
All I can do is to do my very best, and then leave the results up to God. 
I resolve to give it all I have. 
Then simple trust in Jesus and Just Breathe.