And the darkness begins to lift ...

October 30, 2010--
I sent an email to a church here that we used to go to when we were in this area … asked for prayer for us. We were at a point of great need. Knowing that God is our Provider, but being children – we were weak and weary. Just needed someone to lift our arms during  the battle. A return phone call from the church…a visit with one of the pastors … and — GOD PROVIDES thru His people!
Thank you Jesus!!! 100 gallons of propane – I now have hot water for washing dishes! No more painful hands because of the cold water!
Thank you Jesus! We can take a hot shower in our own bathroom!
Thank  you Jesus! A fill-up on diesel for the pickup.
Thank  you  Jesus! $100 to pay towards the Sprint bill.
Thank  you Jesus! And a box of food!
Thank you Jesus! AND the church is talking about using Rick this next week for some odd jobs … $10 an hour!

Thank you Jesus!!! The very next day, Rick’s  dad and mom wanted us to meet them at Wal-mart. They bought us some groceries that the church didn’t have in the box.
Thank you Jesus! So, now … we can even eat at  home!
Thank you Jesus!  I am going to fix spaghetti today!

November 11 - 
I told God this morning that I  felt like a lost and lonely little girl.
He gave me the calm and firm assurance that although I am HIS little girl – I am not lost.
Cause He has found me, He has saved me, He has redeemed me, He has given me HIS Name.
And I am not lonely either.
Cause He has promised to never leave me nor forsake  me.
He has promised to be with me always!
So, I rest in His promises and trust my life to Him.

December 13 -
*We got a stove for the kitchen. Rick’s dad found us one, and bought it for us – just a few days after my last  post.
Thank you God!!!
*We also have WOOD!!!

Thank you God!!!
A long time friend of Rick’s has given him all the wood that we need! Casey is clearing off some land, and has pushed the trees up.  All Rick has to do is use Casey’s tractor, load the trees on the trailer, bring them here, and use our son-in-law’s log splitter!!!
Thank you Jesus!!!
So far we have cut and stacked about 2 cords (maybe more) of wood! And we have a yard full to do! Thank you Jesus!!!

The house is so warm and comfortable! The mind is at peace – just knowing that all we need to do is keep the wood boxes full and the fires going.
Thank you God!!!

December 14 -
*The work at the  church for Rick has been dwindling down the last few weeks. Last week there was none. So far this week – none again.
I pray for my husband. He has always been the one to go out and work. That is who he is and what he does.
But, now – he feels lost. Searching. Wondering.
Trying to pray and wait on the  Lord.
*We are seeing God provide  for us – but sometimes it feels like He has forgotten us.
But, we know He hasn’t.
We are in the palm of His hand – He can’t forget about us!
Besides … I don’t know how to shut up! LOL
Just yesterday, we stopped at the post office and there was a check for $100 from someone that we have never met. A pastor and his wife from Illinois. Only talked to her a couple of times online. God is good!!!!! We pray His richest blessings and greatest return to them for their gift and generousity to us.

*Christmas is hard for me this year. Not just for money’s sake. (Granted, we have NO money for Christmas – not for a tree or decorations, not for presents even, not for Christmas cards, not for baking. We don’t have the money to pay our bills and
buy “regular” groceries!) It seems that the spirit of Christmas has skipped us.
???
Maybe it is just all that we are going thru and dealing with. Hard to see past everything at times.

December  18 - 
*I want to think that I have changed in all of this – and I hope for the better.
~I don’t think I will ever complain again about how crowded the stores are, how crazy it all gets at the holidays. This has been such a still and quiet year for me. Eerily. No baking – no grocery shopping. No presents – no shopping, no wrapping. I have been so caught up in it all for all  these years … now this. I heard last night – “You don’t know what you miss until  you lose it all.” How true that is!!!
~I miss buying groceries – making a list, finding a parking space, walking into a busy and noisy store, even the feel of a grocery  cart under my hands. Walking down the aisles, seeing the products – trying to  make wise choices, finding the best
buys. Even waiting in line to check out.  Then, the drive home – wondering how well I really did … did I get anything we  didn’t need? Did I “beat the system”?
LOL
Getting home, unloading the truck, unpacking and putting away the groceries. That feel that comes with knowing that  we will eat for the next however long till it is time to do it all over again.  Tired, accomplished, satisfied … and not knowing what to cook for dinner!!! LOL
~I miss buying the Christmas presents. Walking into the stores with little or no idea of what to buy. Only a list of those to
buy for. Trying to match gifts to the desires and personalities  of those on my heart and list. Bringing them home, wrapping the presents and imagining the look on their faces when they open them. 
  I miss that!!!
~I miss the smell of baking in the house. Cookies. Cakes. Pies. I miss the mess in my kitchen! I miss being covered in the spills and splatters. I miss going to bed exhausted but knowing that my heart and love has been poured out for that day.
I miss having the joy of giving it all away – in my home, or to some one else’s home.
I  miss it all. Sigh.
~I miss the expectation, the anticipation, the preparations for the get togethers. Trying to figure out what to cook … what to wear … balancing the time to get it all ready and be there on time and in the right spirit and mood.
~I miss a Christmas tree. Getting it put up … the ornaments unpacked – and all the memories that come with them of past Christmases. Dressing the tree. Then standing back and looking when the lights are first turned on. I even miss being tired of the tree and taking it down, packing it away with all the memories of this year. Only this year – there is no  tree up, so no tree to be put away. What will I do with these memories? Wait … what memories?
~We have received some Christmas cards, and with the joy of getting them there is also a pain in  my heart – knowing that I cannot sign a card, cannot mail a card. No cards, no  stamps, no money. Sigh.

*Yes, there are many things that we have “lost” this year that I miss.  And I pray with all my heart that when they are returned to us, that I will do better with them than I ever have in my life!  Not to complain as much. Not to take them
for granted. Just to enjoy and relish every moment of LIFE.

Christmas Eve 2010  ...
*I have been up almost 4 hrs  now … woke up at 2 a.m. – tried to stay in bed, finally getting up around 2:15 … my eyes are tired. My mind is tired. (Remember I said that I wasn’t sleeping much lately? Well …)
*Some good things about getting up so early? ~Coffee is REALLY, REALLY GOOD!!! LOL ~Quiet  and alone time with God - to pray, to listen as He reads His Word to my heart  and spirit. ~Build the fire up and get the house toasty.  ~The blessing of praying over my husband, my children and my grandchildren while they sleep. ~Naps feel good in the afternoons (if I get a chance to take one). ~I am usually beyond ready for bed when that time comes. Which makes for 
falling to sleep faster and easier.
*Josh and Dessie got moved into their trailer at the ranch. Dessie said waking up in a quiet house with her kids under the same roof – sure did FEEL GOOD!!!  
Thank you Jesus! Thank you Lord!
*Mandy brought El and Brooke out last evening. El spent the night up at Paw-Paw and MeMe’s. Brooklyn spent the night here. We ate supper up there – I fixed spaghetti (never used pasta made from rice before – it  was good tho) and MeMe made a salad. It was good.
*Thursday  evening, the church brought us a box – said it was a Christmas gift. We visited  while they were here, then, afterwards – we opened the box. They had sent a complete Christmas dinner. Ham, dressing, green beans, candied yams, rolls, 6 eggs, oil, a cake mix and frosting!!! How sweet and thoughtful! They also gave us a gift of money. All of it – VERY APPRECIATED!!!
*Rick did pass his DOT physical!!! PRAISE THE LORD!!!
...He also has a JOB!!!!! Transport driver for a milk company. It is  something that he has never done, and we have never lived this life. So …
...In this job, he will be gone 1-2 nights at time. Depends on the load and where it goes. For these 30 years of our marriage – we have never been apart  like this. We spent the night away from each other when Mandy was born, then again when Joshua was born. The rest of the 30 years we have been  together. So, yes! It will be a challenge!!! Others do it – just have to figure it out for us.
...Rick has said that he is going to “try” this job … we have  agreed to be  honest with one another in whether we like it, can deal with it, or can’t live  like this. We know there will be good days and bad days. Days that we wonder  what in the world have we gotten ourselves in for … as well as those days that  we think – “It just does not get any better than this!”

*Well, tomorrow is Christmas Day … HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESUS!!!
*I still miss “Christmas” – in the “traditional” terms … tree … presents … lights … candles … baking … all of it.  The child in me aches for that type of Christmas.
Yet, the woman in me understands. Sigh.
God bless you and yours this holiday season … May we all  remember and LIVE – Jesus is the Reason for the season! Jesus is the Reason for our lives!