And the wind blows ...

Forgive me if this is a long post ... there is a storm of thoughts and emotions today.

Rick met with the orthopedic specialist on Wednesday. He has a complete tear in the rotator cuff. Will require surgery, in about 4-5 weeks. Then 6 weeks in a sling before starting rehab. Dr said to expect about 4 months before returning to work. Wow ... many thoughts and prayers to deal with that! Sigh.

I had blood work Wednesday afternoon. Total blood count was at 6.9. Dr. Tris said for me to go to the hospital on Thursday morning and have 2 units of blood. So, we did.
I am SO thankful for the nurses in Day Surgery at HCMH - Becky and Patricia. They are the absolute BEST of the BEST!!! :-) I love you ladies SO MUCH!!! Precious, precious angels of the Lord!!!

And then ...

After many days & weeks of waiting and paperwork and praying and worrying and phone calls - I got the call from MD Anderson on Friday.
I have been accepted and approved for 100% care!!!
We knew that we had been wound up over it all ... but when that phone call came, the relief hit like a flood! I collapsed in tears!!! Had it not been for the wall, and for my husband's arms around me I would have fallen in the floor! I cried and cried and cried! (Truth be known, I am still crying!!! sigh.)

Friday was spent making phone calls, sending texts, answering phone calls, making lists, getting ready to get ready! Many tears of joy. Many praises to the Father!

Yesterday was spent kinda "wandering" thru the day. A load of laundry done. A batch of cookies baked. Movies watched (not one really worth the time it took to watch it, can't even remember the names of them ...). Sat outside for a little while enjoying the cool fall weather. Feeling in a very surreal world ... sigh.

Today - must be spent getting everything done and ready to go, as well as ready to leave. My first appointment is Tuesday at 10 a.m. I have been told to come prepared for at least a week ... and that the first 3-5 days will be evaluation and consultations. Then the decision of what to do, and when.
We will be staying some at Rick's cousin's house - Al and Christine. They live in Sugar Land, and have graciously said that we could use their spare bedroom. :-)

---

I have cancer. I wasn't supposed to get cancer. That is what someone else gets. What I was supposed to do was be the one that helps take care of others. Pray for others. Tie the knots in the prayer quilts. Send the notes of encouragement. Make the phone calls. Do the research. For others. Not for myself.
How much I cling to the promises and words in Psalm 35:1-10!!! Praying that God will arise and fight back this enemy for me.
I have never known fear like I know it now. It is a constant presence in my heart and soul, in my thoughts. But there is a greater Presence. The sweet and abiding Presence of the Lord. And greater is HE than any other thought or fear or worry or care.

I do not want to die. I want to LIVE.
Our prayer is that somehow God will work in all of this to make me to LIVE and not die. And that He will find a way to use me, use us, to help someone else to LIVE and not die as well.
Cancer is such a word of fear. I pray that God will find a way to use me to help take the fear from that word.
You know, a hundred years ago (or less) the word "Influenza" was a sentence of death in most cases. But thru research and the efforts of many - it isn't so scary to hear that you have the "flu". Still not pleasant or easy. But a lot more treatable and liveable than what it ever has been.
So, if God can find the way to use me, use this body, this cancer within me - and help to remove the fear of cancer from me, from my husband, from my children and my grandchildren, from all ... then, here I am.

But ... I am still scared.
And God is still God. Greater is HE.