April 26th, 2021

Life bites hard sometimes.
It has been a whirlwind since the last blog I wrote on the 11th of April. 
: I received a phone call from a company in Graham, replying to my request for information about a job back in February. A request that I do not remember making. But we talked, and she wanted me to come in for an interview. So I did, Monday the 12th. Filled out the application, had the interview on the spot, and was told that they would get back with me.
I explained 2 things.
1. I do not want to work full time. I don't mind working, but I have things to do that aren't part of the job, too. 
2. I cannot make more than what my allowance is with the widow benefits. 
The next day, April 13th, I received the call that I had been hired! With my first day scheduled as Thursday, April 15th.
 
I am working for a company called Seniorly Yours, out of Graham, TX.
It is an in-home caregiving service. With 2 assisted living residential houses as well. 
I cook for the clients. Clean the house. Make sure they take their medications. Insure blood sugar is checked, if needed. And be their companion while I am there. We talk, we laugh, we watch TV. And I watch over them while they sleep. 
My shifts are from 6 hours once a day, to 24 hours with 2 or 3 days at a time. 

The job comes with a monthly salary that is just below my limits, so that is awesome! 
And ... 
It also comes with a small apartment! All utilities covered! Even more awesome! 
This will not only allow me to be closer to work, greatly reducing fuel costs ... but it also allows me to be a bit closer to my son and his family, as well as in a position of being more available to them. 
And it puts me about 30 minutes closer to my daughter as well. 

Now, I am living in disarray! LOL
Boxes, totes, garbage bags (is there anything better for bedding and pillows?!?) surround me in this apartment at PK Lake. 
I am going to be moving what I can today and tomorrow, then on Wednesday afternoon, my son and grandson are supposed to come over and help me finish the moving. 
Thankfully the company gave me this whole week OFF so that I can get moved, settled in a bit, and take care of some errands before starting the new schedule on Saturday, May 1. 

I will be co-manager at one of the resident assisted living homes. 
2 precious ladies will be my clients there. 
I have stayed with them 3-24 hour shifts since I started work. 
They are absolute treasures!!! 
I also stayed with a gentleman who has adamantly requested me as his ONLY "day girl", lol - simply because he likes my cooking! LOL I promised him that even if they did not send me back to stay with him, that I would go visit with him, and bring him some homemade foods ;) He's a mess! Not hard to have fallen in love with him!

I've said for a good many years now that a good day always follows a bad day ... and a bad day follows a good one. It's the cycle of life. 
These last 12 days have been absolute proof of those words. 
I was hired on April 13 by Seniorly Yours. 
April 14 was my son's birthday. 
I drove over and spent the afternoon with them. We talked, we laughed, we enjoyed cake. 
And I came back to this apartment so that I could rest up for my first assignment with Seniorly Yours. 

Thursday morning, 2 hours into my first shift, Joshua called me. 3 times. Back to back.
All the kids and grandkids know that if I do not answer on the first call, give me some time and I will call you back.
But they also know that if it is an emergency, call me 3 times back to back. 
My heart froze. And I held my breath as I called Joshua.
Just his voice told me something was dreadfully wrong. My mind was racing. My heart knew it was a death call. But who? And what had happened?
A moment of silence ... and then I heard.
"CR had a wreck last night. He rolled his truck. He didn't make it. Momma, CR died." 
My mind crashed as my heart broke. I swear you could have heard the pieces of my heart falling if you had been there. 

13 years ago, my son and his wife adopted a small boy who had a terrible home life. They tried to formally adopt him, but it didn't work out that way. Yet, CR became OURS. Fully and completely OURS. 
And we had watched that boy grow up into a fine young man. He graduated high school against all odds. He was enrolled in college. He had hopes and dreams. He had the passion for life. 
I wonder where he was going at 9'ish on the night of the 14th? We think he may have been coming over to Joshua's - because it was Joshua's birthday, and CR loved him with all his heart. 
Why did he swerve as he was driving? Was it a hog like they think it was? 
He over corrected - went down an embankment, thru a fence, hit a tree, and rolled many times. 
At some point he was ejected. Did the seatbelt break? 
Official report is that there was no alcohol involved, and that he died on impact. 
The one thought that I have to keep pushing away - did he know what was going on? How long did he know? At what "impact" was he killed.
My heart is broken. 
The pieces will eventually be pulled back together.
But the scars will forever be there. 
Etching my grandson's name. 

The family night was brutal.
The funeral even more so. 
I am so proud of my grandchildren, they way that they loved CR. They way that they showed their love to him. 

Not one of us will ever be the same.
Even though life goes on, 
and this world doesn't stop for my broken heart. 

Friday, April 23, 2021 - 
6 years since that last kiss with Rick. 
6 years since I looked into his eyes.
6 years since I have heard his voice.
How is that even possible?
We rarely went 6 hours without talking - for 35 years. 
- even when he was working, before the advent of cell phones ... he would find a pay phone, or use the office phone, just to call me and say, "I Love You"
We never went 6 days without seeing each other. 
So how is it possible that 6 YEARS have passed?
How does life go on? 
How does the world keep turning?

One moment at a time.
One breath at a time.

All thru these last 15 days, I have written in my journal, spoken the words, had the words spoken to me - JUST BREATHE.
Some days ...
Some nights ...
It's all I can do!