Christmas 2020

2020 has been a difficult year for all of us
Some have endured the Covid-19, suffering thru the symptoms, and surviving
Sadly, many have not survived, and our hearts are hurting as there are more empty chairs around the tables
Due to the Covid-19, there are many who are in quarantine/isolation and will not be gathering with their loved ones 
There are those who have been laid-off work because of the down turn in the economy, thanks again to Covid-19
The business owners who have had to close their businesses, not just for a time, but for all time, due to Covid-19
I realize that not all problems are as a direct, or even indirect, result to Covid-19, but for this Christmas of 2020, it sure feels like it. 

I wrote this several years ago, but it applies even more to my life this year
And after reading a lot of social media posts, comments and talking to some thru messages, 
Well, I think there are many, too many, who can relate - at least to some of what I wrote then:

I have changed in all of this – and I hope for the better.
~I don’t think I will ever complain again about how crowded the stores are, how crazy it all gets at the holidays. 
This has been such a still and quiet year for me. 
Eerily. 
No baking – no grocery shopping. 
No presents – no shopping, no wrapping. 
I have been so caught up in it all for all these years … now this. 
I heard last night – “You don’t know what you miss until you lose it all.” 
How true that is!!!

~I miss buying groceries – making a list, finding a parking space, walking into a busy and noisy store, even the feel of a grocery cart under my hands. 
Walking down the aisles, seeing the products – trying to make wise choices, finding the best buys. 
Even waiting in line to check out. 
Then, the drive home – wondering how well I really did … did I get anything we didn’t need? 
Did I “beat the system”? LOL 
Getting home, unloading the truck, unpacking and putting away the groceries. 
That feel that comes with knowing that we will eat for the next however long till it is time to do it all over again. 
And just knowing that all the ingredients to a wonderful Christmas celebration meal just waits for the cooking.
Tired, accomplished, satisfied … and not knowing what to cook for dinner!!! LOL

~I miss buying the Christmas presents. 
Walking into the stores with little or no idea of what to buy. 
Only a list of those to buy for. 
Trying to match gifts to the desires and personalities of those on my heart and list. 
Bringing them home, wrapping the presents and imagining the look on their faces when they open them. 

~I miss the smell of baking in the house. 
Cookies. Cakes. Pies. 
I miss the mess in my kitchen! 
I miss being covered in the spills and splatters. 
I miss going to bed exhausted but knowing that my heart and love has been poured out for that day. 
I miss having the joy of giving it all away – in my home, or to some one else’s home. 

~I miss the expectation, the anticipation, the preparations for the get togethers. 
Trying to figure out what to cook … what to wear … balancing the time to get it all ready and be there on time and in the right spirit and mood.

~I miss a Christmas tree. 
Getting it put up … the ornaments unpacked – and all the memories that come with them of past Christmases. 
Dressing the tree. 
Then standing back and looking when the lights are first turned on. 
I even miss being tired of the tree and taking it down, packing it away with all the memories of this year. 

~We have received some Christmas cards, and with the joy of getting them there is also a pain in my heart – 
knowing that I cannot sign a card, cannot mail a card. 
No cards, no stamps, no money. 

~I miss those that will not be with us this year.
Those that we have said that final earthly good-bye to
Those that remind me yet again why I do not like to say “good-bye”
To see the empty chairs
To see no presents with their name on them
To hold a card neither addressed to them, nor from them

Yes, there are many things that we have “lost” this year that I miss.  
And I pray with all my heart that when they are returned to us, that I will do better with them than I ever have in my life!  
Not to complain as much. 
Not to take them for granted. 
Just to enjoy and relish every moment of LIFE and those that we LIVE it with!