Death is a Part of Life.

Life isn't fair, nor is it easy. Especially when that final good-bye must be said. 
For me as a widow, any death takes me back to that fateful day of Rick's flying high moment.
Even if I don't know the one who has just died. 
The helicopter crash on this past Sunday that took 9 lives, including Kobe Bryant and his daughter, shook me to the core. I felt that "golden hour" when the EMT's worked on Rick all over again. Every moment of that day replayed in my head on Sunday as though it were just happening. 
A few days ago a young man connected to our family thru marriage, 29 years old, took his life. The song, "How Do You Get That Lonely", by Blaine Larsen, played over and over in my heart for hours. 
There have been other deaths since the beginning of 2020. My heart is grieving. My soul is heavy. I feel the grief that others are now going thru. I feel their questions, the loss of hope, the emptiness they must now live with, their pain. 
And these 2 are especially close to my heart: ​

My cousin Ruth. I got the message Monday morning at 1:04 a.m. that she had passed. Memories flooded my heart. She was 30 years older than me, so in many ways she was more like a beloved aunt than a cousin. Her son and I grew up together, and have remained best of friends thru the years. I will greatly miss knowing that Ruth was just a phone call away. She had the biggest heart to help, and a total no-nonsense, no-bullshit way, of telling you what was right or wrong. Yes, she will be forever loved & always missed. 

---

​Nick, where do I begin? I haven't always known you, but the last almost 20 years makes it seem as though it has been forever. You were one of the many who called me "Momma". My heart is forever broken. 
I think about the times you would wrap me in your giant gentle bear hug, hold me close against you, and say, "Momma, I love you." I will miss that so much in the months and years to come. 
The way you teased Josh that you were my favorite son. The way you took Rick's hand in yours and shook it like a man. The honor you had for him. The love he shared for you. Again, thank you for being one of the first to call me when Rick died. I still hear your voice, of worry and concern for me. You told me, "Dad is in a better place, Momma, you know that. But are YOU ok? I'm 4 hours away, but I can leave work and be at your side in 2!" 
The joy and pride you had in your boys. Thank you for sharing them with me. 
Oh, Nick. I have loved you with a Momma's love since meeting you that very first time. I will always. You had that special way about you to make every girl, no matter her age or any thing else, feel like she was Princess of your heart & the only female in your life. I love you baby. 
Gone too soon. Never to be forgotten. Always to be loved. 

---