Due for a Catch-up ...

This may well be the longest blog post in my history of blogging. Lol 
Which is why I have chosen to break it up into sections with pictures in between. Hoping it won't be too boring for those of you who choose to read it. ~ ~ Thank you to whoever does read this. I write from my heart, sharing honestly ... even too honestly according to some. 

I was sick more than not from Christmas break to St. Patrick's Day. 
Coughing, congestion, aching, just miserable. 
Going thru the motions of life while taking mega doses of vitamins & allergy medications. 
Drinking enough liquid - water, orange juice, and coffee - to float the Titanic, trying to keep enough moisture in my body that the coughing would be as productive as possible. 
No, I did not go to the doctor - much to the consternation of several in my life. I do not have a lot of faith and trust in the medical field, certainly not in the pharmaceuticals that they prescribe. I did a major load of research, using trusted sites such as The Mayo Clinic, to figure out what was wrong. "The Memphis Crud" - a viral bug that is resistant to antibiotics. As I read about it, I stopped several times in amazement - how did they know to write in a detailed report the way I was feeling? Wow. 
I also talked with many friends and family who had the same thing. A couple of them did go to their doctor, was prescribed medication, and guess what? It not only cost them more, but they were sick JUST AS LONG as I was. 
Yes, I will use a doctor when something is beyond what I can deal with or bear. But I am not a "run to the doctor because I don't feel good" kind of person. Sorry if that offends anyone. Not sorry for me.  

Thankfully, I am feeling better! Every day since about March 15 I have felt better, stronger. Coughing is at a very minimum now. The congestion is on occasion. Yes, I still sneeze - lol - just like my Momma used to, every day at least 7 or 8 times. 
I do feel a certain tiredness or sluggishness. Still taking my vitamins and allergy medications - thinking that will simply be a life-long "thing" for me. 
I have done a lot of thinking these last couple of weeks and have decided that this spring is a good time for ME! 

I have joined Weight Watchers online. Going to focus more on nutrition and what actually tastes good, what makes me feel good. I have never been one that "lived to eat", but I do need to be stronger in "eating to live". 
I am also committing to myself to walk more. Take those deep breaths that will force the sluggishness out of my lungs, and make them work better. 
As hard as it is for me to drink water (always has been), I have purchased a pretty water bottle :D - and at the price I paid? I'm going to use it! Lol 

I am also searching out hair styles. I have had this same basic hair cut for almost 20 years now. Thinking it is a good time to change it! 
I will be making an appointment to have my eyes checked (way past that due date), and will be choosing new glasses. Thinking about stepping out of the "norm" and trying something new and different. 

I have also enrolled in several online courses, to improve my mind. Business courses, as well as website design and developing. 

I may be soon 58, but I want to be the BEST 58 I can be. 

I will be sharing more of this focus on me here. Not so that I can be accused of being "self-centered" or "vain" or any of the other accusations that have already been lobbied against me, spread far and near concerning me. But - - 
I want to share this here as a reminder to myself. There will be a time in my life when I will come back to these posts and I will want to remember these days clearly. I am also going to be using part of these posts in the forthcoming book. 
​I want to share this here as an encouragement to others going thru their own trials and struggles of life - be it health or grief or simply life changes. You can do a better you! You can focus on you! You can enjoy the moments even in the midst of the storm! 
And I want to share this so that my children and grandchildren will know their Momma and Grannee - what she has gone thru, what she has dealt with, her struggles and trials, her defeats ... and her victories. I want them to know that I am a Warrior Princess - no matter what anyone says, thinks, or feels! I am! 

I am committing to myself that beginning today I will listen to my heart for the boundaries of my life.
It's always been difficult for me to say, "No" - not because I am afraid of what others think about me, but rather because I love to see those in my life happy, well pleased, succeeding, doing awesome ... and if I can help in that even in a small way? It just makes my heart smile big.
However, I am learning that it truly is necessary to care about myself.
I have heard & read, even taught it, all my life - - "Treat others the way you want them to treat you". Sadly, it doesn't come back to you the way it should. I will continue to give more than I get. I will keep on loving even when it isn't returned. It's who I am. It's what I do.
BUT ... I will also take better care of ME.
Whether it is getting a new hair cut, an eye exam, dental work, take a walk, read a book, write here ... whatever that means in the moment - - I will take care of ME.
I will allow boundaries in my life ... and I will work hard to keep to those boundaries.

Yes, it will be different for those in my life - both near and far.
Ricky Van Shelton sang a song years ago ... "Don't blame her, life turned her that way" - - this shall be my life's song. ​

What will this month of April bring to my life? 
What will it take away? 
As I sit here at 5:47 p.m. the eve before the 1st, my heart begins the countdown to April 23, 2015. This year will be 4 years. 
How in the HELL did I get here from there? 
We never went 4 days without talking to one another, without seeing each other. 
We barely went 4 hours! 
How has it been 4 years since I have felt his touch? Looked into his ice blue eyes? Felt his breath on my neck? Tasted his lips on mine? 
How has it been 4 years since having my heart touched? My mind stirred? 
How have I survived 4 years without being loved for who I am ... not for how I look ... not for what I can do ... but simply FOR WHO I AM? 

Dammit Rick! 
I miss you! 
I find myself missing you more and more as these days go by. 
You were my person ... and it's not fair that I have to do all this alone. 
I miss you. 
I needed you then. 
​I need you more now. 

That's about all I have for right now. 
Just writing this has made me feel very drained ... more empty than I thought it could. Or would.
Usually writing is therapy for me ... but for this one? 
I don't know ... 
Just emptiness.
Loneliness. 

And yet - - courage ... 
A whisper of hope ...