Friday thoughts ...

A blessing worth sharing -- (shared on Facebook Christmas Eve) --Wow. Just WOW. God is good. All the time. I don't always understand Him or His ways - like when He waits until the wolves of despair have already come in the door and are near attacking us. But then, when He arises and fends them off - HE does it in a mighty way!!! Praise Him for His love and care and provisions!!! 
*Yesterday morning we took stock of our groceries ... no meat in the house, used the last of the bread, no milk, no cheese, leftover chicken stew was going to have to last until after Christmas. 
*Rick went to the post office over in Como, there was a Christmas card. No return address, and when we opened it, it was not signed. But there was a $100 bill in the card!!! We looked at each other and immediately began to praise the Lord, and haven't stopped!  ... We went to town and bought a handful of groceries. Rick will now have ham (protein) for Christmas with a broccoli and rice casserole (also protein) and corn . 
*Just as we were leaving to go to town, Uncle Bill came with a box of groceries Praise the Lord!!!
*Then after we got back, my brother, Billy, came by and brought us a Christmas card. We were praising the Lord with him about God providing, and he took his billfold out, handed us a check for $100!!! Praise the Lord again!!! 
*This morning, i took some of the chicken stew up to Rick's dad and mom. His dad is sick with the crud. I was telling them about God providing so well for us  ... Rick's dad took his phone out, told me to call The Propane Company and order 100 gallons to be delivered today, Rick's mom wrote the check. Praise the Lord!!! I can wash my hands in hot water today! I don't have to heat water for the dishes! And we can each have a shower!!! Praise the Lord!!!
*And to top it off ... Rick called work to see when he could pick up his check, thinking it would be Thursday -- it was ready TODAY!!! 

Yes, God is good ... and He is always on time, no matter what i think! LOL 

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Christmas Day was a quiet day for us. Even after all these years since the kids have moved on and out - we still have not found our way. Sad, but true. We have spent some of these Christmases with our kids and grandkids. We have spent a couple with Rick's dad and mom. We have even spent a few just Rick and me. 
We always made Christmas Day to be so much about the kids - yes, celebrating the birth of Jesus, right down to having balloons, streamers, a cake, singing Happy Birthday to Him - but even that was to teach the kids that Christmas was not about getting, but about giving. 
I told Rick this year that it seems like when the kids moved out, they took Christmas with them. I wonder if that is a normal reaction to the empty nest? 
Or maybe a normal reaction to a Christmas Day at the end of a very difficult and hard year? 
Anyway - we enjoyed our dinner, watched an old movie, Splash! ... and then Mandy came over with the kids. We talked and laughed and snacked. Laughed at Mandy and Cheri` - Cheri`, i do believe, is firmly convinced that Mandy belongs to HER!!! LOL 

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One of the hardest things (physically) for me to do is to feed the fires. Rick has always been the one to get up during the night and add wood to the fire so that the house is warm thru the night and first thing in the mornings. And in this old & drafty house? You need a fire in the mornings even when the outside temp is just in the 40's. This house holds the cold!!! Course, we are trying to keep Rick from getting sick, too. So, trying hard to keep the temp in here between 72* - 78*. 
Rick's dad and mom bought us a cord of wood - Thank you again!!! And it burns good. But, it doesn't play well at first. And it is cut so long and thick, that in our fireplace, you add one piece at a time. So, quite literally, i am baby-ing the fireplace this year. Every 2 hours it must be fed. 
Rick has always been the kind that he can get up, walk thru the house, check on the kids when they were little, feed the fire when needed, whatever - and go back to bed, going back to sleep almost as soon as his head touched the pillow. 
Me? I get up during the night, i am up for the night. Sigh. And now that Rick is on the cycler at night, all night, for dialysis - I am responsible to feed the fire and keep the house warm. So, guess what? Not sleeping much at all. On a good night, i will sleep 3 or 4 hours. And most of those are sitting in my chair. Sigh. (Not meaning to sound like i am whining or complaining - just stating one of the hard facts of this "new normal" for us.) 
I hope that the next cord of wood we get is smaller. Yes, i am complaining now. This wood is so heavy!!! I can barely pick one piece up at a time. Some of the sticks do not quite fit into the fireplace, so i have to wrangle them around and shove hard until i can get them far enough in to close the doors. 
Needless to say, i am sore and aching and hurting. Muscles are stretched and pulled. After being so down for the first year after surgery? Yes, this hurts!!! And having to be as careful as i can, yet keep the fires burning ... because my oncologist has said that it will probably take a full 36 months to let everything settle down and completely heal. He has told me not to pick up anything heavy. Not to do a lot of lifting and pulling. But, a girl's gotta do what must be done. Praying with every stick of wood added - Lord, help me. Lord, protect the surgery done. 

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I have decided that with the Lord's help, this year of 2014 will be the year that i lose this extra weight and get in better shape. We have been blessed with a treadmill and an elliptical - so i look at them this morning and know that it is time to USE them in earnest. 
I have fought being overweight and out of shape all of my life - literally. I have yo-yo'ed and i don't want to do that anymore. I want to lose this weight and get in better shape. So, i have added a page to the website here -- "Hope ... Breathe ..." It will be found under the tab "Standing on the Promises". This will be a walk with me in this journey. Please, even if you don't read it, pray for me in this. Thank you!!! 
I fought myself long and hard before i added this page. It's hard to admit when you are so much overweight, and so far out of shape. It's hard to imagine that you will ever feel better. And it is so much easier to not share the struggle. But the more i tried to not share it, the stronger the conviction became that i was supposed to. So, with sorrow, with a fair amount of shame, and with not understanding the prompting of the Lord ... here goes. Honest to a fault. Lord, help me!!! 

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2013 is winding down ... 
...El & Brooke will be in and out today and tomorrow as Mandy works. 
...Sunday is the Walker Christmas dinner at the Pickton Community Center. 
...Tuesday is New Year's Eve. Traditionally "Momma's Day" - it has been a day when everyone gathered in at our house for a time of laughter and love, games and food, exchanging Christmas gifts, and welcoming the New Year. But this year? We are not really "house-bound", but yet in a way - due to the truck needing work before driving it very much, due to lack of money for fuel, and in dealing with the nightly dialysis treatments. We have been blessed with the money to buy a few groceries, but not with enough to "do New Year's Eve". Mandy may or may not have plans for the evening. Joshua is 5 hours away, and with work - not feasible to drive such a distance for one evening. 
I do understand all that ... but at the same time, it makes me sad. The lonelies are howling at the door of my heart. The weariness threatens to overtake me. I know that Greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world. God's greatness is ALL that sustains me. I love my kids and grandkids - adore them actually. And i miss the togetherness of us all. 
...i will be busy in these next few days getting all the required papers together for Rick so that we can file for disability on next Friday. Pray for us - that we will know God's grace and mercy, that we will find favor with the Social Security Board. 

**Praying that you and yours will be blessed beyond what you can contain in this coming year. May the Lord crown you with joy and peace, with every blessing. 
And God Bless us everyone ...**

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