Going to church

We went to church yesterday, New Beginnings.
It was good. But it was hard.
I love the church. Pastor Jeremy and his sweet wife, Del. All of the people there. And I miss them so very much!!!
We have gone to this church for the last 5 years, ever since we moved back from Idaho. Well, gone there whenever we were in Sulphur Springs during a church time. (Mostly.) There have been times that we didn't go for whatever reason - right or wrong. Tines that I deeply regret now. Sigh.
There have been a couple of stretches of time that we went and didn't miss a service. Began to be involved and really get that "roots" going. And then ... for whatever reason (usually job related) we have not gone. Sigh.
My old heart can only take so much. And to be honest? I feel very much that I have reached the bottom of my heart with all of this.
I am so hungry for church! The times of praise and worship, sitting under the teaching and preaching of the Word, fellowship with other believers. The family type setting, the accountability, just being involved in something that is bigger than me, and that is more far reaching than the end of my nose. Sigh.
But to only go occasionally. My heart is just not set up that way. Does that make sense?
No one - not even Rick - knew what it cost me to go to church yesterday. Only God knew the cost of the oil in my Alabaster Box.

God, help me please.