October 2010 notes
October 10 - moving day. Headache from HELL. Rough nite.
...Talked with Dessie and with Mandy. Thanking God for my children. Still do not know how I would make it thru the storms of life without their love and support! They truly are the wind beneath my wings.
October 16 - unloading and unpacking for days. Cleaning up the old house. Stress got to Rick and I. We realized even in the midst of the worst arguments that if this was the worst we would ever have to deal with in life - then we were most blessed. But, when you are in the midst of the storm - it is hard to stay focused on the other side of it all!
...This "homeplace" is not our first choice of where to be. But here we are. Lord, help us!
October 17 - still cleaning and unpacking.
...O Father God! This warrior is a child!
October 21 - yes, still cleaning and unpacking. Rick looking for work. Bills piling up. Groceries going down.
..."Sure am missing my kids and grandkids. We are living in Texas now - and we either have the money to go see them, but no time ... or we have the time, but no money. The kids are busy with work - so we can't ask nor expect them to come see us. The grandkids are in school. Just to get our money and time to cooperate with one another!!! I sure do need some
kids and grandkids therapy!"
...O Father God. Help me to breathe in and breathe out today. Waiting on You.
October 22 - drove to Stephenville to clean out the storage
..."The hardest part came when we left the storage building and drove back thru Stephenville. It took every ounce of my energy and sanity not to just break down totally. All I could think and see in my mind and heart - all the places we had been with our kids and grandkids, or even just Rick and me. I felt like I was having to leave a chunk of my heart there - it became so very hard to breathe. But, sitting there between Rick and his dad - what choice did I really have? I knew that
Rick would come closer to understanding me than his dad - but I didn't even feel like explaining my tears to Rick. Sigh. I miss Stephenville. I miss the times with Josh and Dessie. The laughter. The laughter and love and hugs with Shell & Kyla.
Some days it is just hard to not focus on what we have "lost" ... hard to "press on" ...
October 23 - trailer unloaded. Still working on the old house.
...We returned the trailer to Roger and Mandy. We were there when the grandkids got off the bus. :-)
"Brooklyn squealed and ran to me - "GRANNEE!!! I missed you!!!" There were tears in her eyes and in her voice. Melted my heart. O how precious are the hugs and love of a grandchild! There are not enough hours in the day to absorb all the love and hugs - what a soothing balm to a hurting heart and a wounded spirit!"
October 24 - "My body says that we have accomplished a lot in these 2 weeks. My eyes say not enough! My mind is overwhelmed with how much I still have to do. My emotions are ragged with all that we need."
October 27 - Computer crashed over the weekend. Still cleaning, painting and unpacking.
..."Bills are stacking up ... groceries are going down. Panic rises. Worries increase. Faith weakens and trust is harder to come by. As I sat here praying this morning, God reminded me again of the children of Israel when they were wandering in the wilderness for those 40 years. He fed them with manna from heaven - ONE DAY AT A TIME. He never forgot them. He gave them promises and provisions. But everything He did for them - He did ONE DAY AT A TIME. Sorry, but I am NOT a good "one day at a time girl". Sigh. God knows this, and He is working on me.
But it hurts, and it is NOT my "comfort zone". I want to know that the bills are paid, the groceries are bought, and the fuel is in the truck - today, for tomorrow, and that there will be a way for it all next week, next month and into the coming year!!!"
...Father God - forgive my humanity in all of this. Strengthen the faith that I do have. Take my "little" and make it enough. Remember the 5 loaves and 2 fishes? Jesus, you blessed it. You fed 5,000 men plus the women and the children. With 12 baskets left over.
Please - take my "little faith" and bless it. Make it enough to feed us and strengthen us.
O Jesus! Pray for us! Bless us!
~You know, I hear so much about the economy. We are LIVING the economy!!! But I am so tired of being told that there is little to no future for us, our children or our grandchildren. That is NOT what the Word of God says! Jeremiah 29:11!!!!! Jesus said that in this world we would
have troubles and tribulations - but that we are to be of good courage.
Because HE HAS OVERCOME THE WORLD!!!
God - help us!!!
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So why "Scattered Feathers" ? ? ?
You can read it here