Miss making the bed

Good morning! 
The last few days have been centered on the end of the year financials for Budville Motors, LLC, home of Hilltop Hot Rod Shop. The light at the end is getting brighter :). 
Looking forward to Tuesday, handing the CPA the flash drive and taking a deep breath. We know there will be questions and going over items, but this leg will be complete. 

Also laying a strategy map (of sorts) for this 2018 year with the business. Changes are coming, new & exciting changes, changes that we believe will mean growth and potential. 

I long to have another day to chase my ancestors. :) Love genealogy. Rick and I had so much fun years ago when we first got into it. We would sit for hours at the computer with ancestry.com. I have notebooks of printed documentation gleaned and gathered from many sources. Looking thru pictures that we had, that his mom had, that Aunt Jerry had, wherever we could find a picture there was a story to be added. Then the hours of driving thru the country in search of that one cemetery that we had not found yet. I remember as though it were yesterday. Using the directions given to us, feeling like we were at the end of the world, driving thru a cow pasture, thinking - "there is no way there is a cemetery down here". Topping a good size rise, there it was! Surrounded by ancient trees, guarded by the iron fence. A family cemetery to Rick that no immediate family member had ever seen. He parked the car. We walked up the incline, squeaked open the iron gate, and began to walk around, reading the headstones. Fascinating! To read the very names that we had seen online and in the family Bibles. Here lies Rick's history. For several minutes we forgot to take pictures, time just stood still. It was as though we could hear the whispers of all the years. Amazing. Thank you Rick for taking that day off work. I loved you before, I loved you more then. Wow. What a great day that was, and how it makes me smile today. 

Joshua sent me a text message on Thursday, asking me to download an app to my phone. I tried, but found it already installed on my phone. It is basically "FaceTime" for an Android thru Google. I got to SEE my son as we talked! Not only for that one conversation, but he called me yesterday morning - oh how good he looks! I long to wrap my arms around him, pat his face, kiss his cheek. It seems like it has only been yesterday, when in reality we are closing in on 2 years. :( 

That has been weighing heavy on my heart lately. 
I know that my kids and grandkids are doing good in this life - moving forward without their daddy and p-paw. Was I right or wrong in leaving Texas and coming to Kentucky? 
Was I right or wrong in staying this long without a trip back to see them? 
We have stayed in touch via Facebook, text messages, Facebook messenger, and of course the phone. Yet, I know we have missed those "life moments", those "day-to-day ups and downs". Yes, I would have missed everything here in Kentucky. 
Damn the complications.
Damn the questions without answers. 

Years ago, many years ago, and several times thru the years, I was told by an elderly widow to treasure the moments and times of our lives. To live with as few regrets as possible. To have the "attitude of gratitude" & make the mundane things of life an adventure and challenge. That one day I would understand, or hopefully not. 
As I write this today, I think back on those mundane moments, on the trying times. I am thankful today for those wise women (sad that they got this life), and for their teaching and correction to me. 

When I started on this grief journey all that I missed overwhelmed me day after day. About 6 months or so after Rick died, I made the choice to allow myself to miss ONE thing each day. Knowing that I would miss everything EVERY day. But allowing myself to actually focus on ONE thing each day. It has been a challenge on most days to just focus on that one thing. However, I know it has made me stronger at carrying the grief, and wiser at dealing with it all. 
Today, January 20, 2018 - I will miss making the bed.