 There are some days that are just TOO much for me. I keep hearing the song that Matthew West sings, "Strong Enough"... sigh. We have been thru so much -- well, "BEEN" isn't exactly the right word ... we are "GOING" thru so much!!! I am trying hard to trust in the Lord with all my heart (Proverbs 3:5-6) ... Trying hard to keep my eyes on Jesus, the Author and Finisher of my faith ... Trying hard to stand firm on His promises ... Trying hard to remember that He is with me always ... That He will never put any more on me than what I can handle - and will always make a way of escape ... Trying hard to believe that God is all I need (even tho sometimes everything in me screams for a Jesus with skin on!) ... But then there are "those" days that are just TOO much!!! And all I can say is "Lord, I'm not strong enough!!!"  Rick fell yesterday afternoon in the kitchen. He was sitting at the table with me while I was getting french fries seasoned up to go into the oven. We were talking and laughing and teasing. Just an easy afternoon. Spending time together getting lunch ready. Our oven is more than due for a good cleaning. But with all that we both are dealing with? Not an option at this time for either of us to do. But, we have to keep using it - how else are we going to fix our meals? Especially since most of our meals are either frozen foods that are cooked in the oven, or a casserole of some kind that I can stand up long enough to put together? When I put the french fries in the oven and turned away from the stove, I heard a sizzling and then a loud explosion. I turned back to the stove, opened the door and a MAJOR flash fire was going on! I screamed - "We have a fire", shut the door (with hopes that it would put itself out if it had no more oxygen added) ... ran to the back door to open it, and get something to put it out. All of a sudden I heard a LOUD noise, turned around and Rick was on the floor!!! OMW!!! I screamed, asked him what happened! He said that he fell. He was going to get up and help me tend the fire, and when he tried to stand up, it was like there was no right leg to stand on! He went to the floor. Landed on both knees and his hands. And since we have no carpet in the kitchen, there was no softness to land on. There I am - a husband on the floor who cannot get up alone, I cannot pull on him, and a fire raging in the oven!!! Talk about stress!!! Talk about TOO MUCH!!! I cried out to God for help - and the fire went out, Rick managed to turn around and use his chair to struggle up. Horrible pain ... finally the pain meds caught up ... and the rub I put on him helped, too. He found a measure of relief, watched a couple of movies, and took more pain meds before bed. He said this morning that it isn't as sore as what he had expected it to be! THANK THE LORD!!! He is crippling around some, but without a cane this morning. THANK THE LORD!!! We are thanking God this morning that he didn't tear out his catheter when he fell, nor did he land on his bad shoulder. Praying that ALL soreness will work its way out today.  I don't understand all that is going on in our life. Sometimes the human side of me gets in the way and I wonder "why" and I think maybe God has forgotten us ... maybe even He doesn't care anymore ... But then, I know better - and those thoughts have no grounds. I don't know much about making pottery, but I know that if the potter sees a flaw in the creation, that rather than cast it away into the trash pile, the potter takes it down to a blob of clay and begins again. Not sure what the flaw in me, or in us, was - but I sure think that the Potter has taken us to a blob of clay with everything and is doing some re-creating. That gives me a measure of comfort in the worst of times, just to know that God hasn't left us alone. That He is still in control, and that He IS doing something with us. Course, it doesn't take away the PAIN!!! Sigh. Lord, help us!!!  Spending some time today working on the computer - trying to organize and get some things cleaned up. Goodness! How do I get so much out of order on this thing??? LOL Thinking I need more COFFEE!!!!! I am also working on Joshua's quilt. Hopefully will be able to get it finished before we leave for there the end of this week. Speaking of going to Joshua's - looking forward to seeing them again. We were blessed to spend 5 days with them back at Christmas - but that was LAST YEAR!!! I haven't seen my son and daughter in love and grandkids ALL YEAR!!! (snicker ... like Buck does ... LOL)  I don't know what God is going to do with us. But I do believe He has a plan and a purpose. Jeremiah 29:11 Yes, sometimes I do wish that He would pull the veil back just a tad and show us a little of what He is doing, or going to do - I wonder if that would help me walk this life of faith ... but then again, sight is not faith. O Lord! Help me anyway - please.
Surely God has a place for us ... something creative and constructive to do ... But for now? More than not it is just breathe in and breathe out ... shut up and pray ... and just do the "next" thing.
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Learning to laugh, to love, & to live ... again - without Rick, but with God Life goes on ... even when we don't want it to. Great grief is indicative of a great Love. Rick, my Sweetheart. Margaret, his Beloved. Always & Forever. |
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