There is Peace ... on the other side of War

Just a minute. Think I need another cup of coffee for this blog ... 
Ok. Oh, coffee is so good this morning! Well, it's always good - but when the weather is cold or rainy? Gooder. When the heart and mind are weary? Gooder. When coming out of a long battle? Gooder. 
And when all of the above hit? GOODER & GOODER! (Which just for the record is today!)

I have spent the last few days arguing with my heart & mind especially over the events of the last 3 months. Realizing in the wee hours of this morning that no matter how much I love someone, or enjoy what I am doing, nothing & no one is worth this much pain & heart ache! It would be completely different if the love was returned & shared, or if I was working to build a future for myself as well. But, that not being the situation? It's time (past time to hear others say) to let it go. To accept it was a time to learn some lessons and gain some memories ... and that it is time to walk on forward. 
As for the being removed (or banned) from Kentucky? I don't believe for a moment that the Sheriff's deputy has the authority to do that, but rather I do believe it was a violation of my civil rights. I was not charged with any crime, nor was I a threat to anyone. This was a personal vendetta from a jealous woman against me. I further believe it was a scare tactic he was using, perhaps even at the insistence of someone else. I was leaving KY anyway - coming back to TX to visit my kids and grandkids thru the holidays - so there was no just cause in being treated as such. Will I ever go back to KY? Not expecting to, thinking that chapter of my life has closed ... and it is time to leave it closed.
I know now that I will never have closure ... nor an apology. Nor will I have that answer to "why". But I can accept that now. Besides, why would I want to go where I am not wanted? To go where I was treated rudely and hatefully by others there? Just let them live their own pitiful lives, and allow Karma to do her work! 

It's time for ME. 
2020 is going to be a year for ME. 
Selfish it may sound to some. This will be my only explanation.
I have spent a lifetime of giving care. First to my dad & mom - I became more their caregiver than they mine, when I was 7 years old. Then to Rick & the kids - through being wife and momma. On to Rick when his body began to break down. Even to a friend's granddaughter. Seems that for all my life as soon as one caregiving situation ended, there was another to step into, and because that is who I am & what I do ... I took those steps without ever thinking about not doing it. 
But now?
I'm tired. Physically. Emotionally. Mentally. In my heart & in my body. My mind is worn out. 
I need to give care to ME. 

I'm already beginning that process. 
A hair cut with a new style ... trip to the nail salon. 
Which just for the record? I will be having my hair done every 3-6 months from now on ... and will be having my nails done at least once a month. 
Hopefully will pick up my new eyeglasses this week. Will be a new look! 
Working on rehabilitating my knee from the torn ACL & MCL. Using the Gazelle every 3rd day right now, working my way up to every day. Then I will increase the time I spend on it. Also looking for a treadmill. 
I have a stack of books now to read. I used to read a lot. But in the last few years, I haven't been reading. It's time! 
Working more faithfully on this website ... will be adding more to it in the weeks to come. 
Delving into genealogy with more and more passion. 
Planning some adventures - looking forward to those. 
Even working on some new friendships. 
Life goes on ... and it is my decision to go on with it! 
I know without question or doubt that I have Rick's approval. That's all I need.

I am hopeful that this new year will bring a sense of direction as well as a blanket of peace to my heart, mind & life. But I do not want to wait until January 1, 2020, to begin the journey! Today is a new day. This heart beat is one that I have never lived before. Even the Bible says, "Today is the day of salvation!"