Updates, coffee, prayers ...

Thank you Lord for your mercy. Sigh ...

We have spent more time in the doctor offices, and on the road back and forth, than we have spent at home the last week or so. Sigh. 
The last blog I wrote that Rick's numbers had improved. And so they had. Except for his total blood count, and his iron levels/saturation. We got that call the day after I wrote that blog ... and we have been with doctor's and nurses since. 
His blood count was down to 7.5 - they want it to be no lower than 10 as a dialysis patient. And his iron levels/saturations were low as well. (Which was adding to his tiredness, and the hard time he was having with breathing.)
Since I wrote that last post, he has been back to Paris 3 times,  each time getting an Iron IV, and having his blood re-tested. They also upped his weekly EPO shots to twice weekly. The last blood count was at 7.8 - it is coming up, but oh so very slowly. He has to go back to Paris on Monday and get one more Iron IV, and do a complete blood work up. If he hasn't improved measurably, then they are going to re-evaluate and see what else to do. Dr Greenwell was trying to avoid a transfusion, and the nurse said that after this much iron, unless an emergency, they usually don't transfuse. So, we wait. We wonder. I try not to worry. And we pray. 
He is feeling some better. He said that although he is still struggling to breathe, that it isn't as bad as it was. Probably due in large part to the antibiotics he has been taking for the chest congestion, the Mucinex, and the dropping of about 10 pounds of fluid. He even was able to walk around at Wal-mart with me the other day for an about an hour while we waited on medications being filled. We walked slow - but most importantly ... we walked!!! 
He has had 2 abscesses on his back (same place) in the last 5 years. I have become paranoid and diligent in checking his back. Thursday evening - back was clear. Friday morning - back was clear. Friday evening? not clear. Sigh. How does this happen so quickly??? Only this time - rather than looking like the other two times, it is totally different. Actually looked like a blood blister on the scar. ? We put antibiotic cream on it, with a band-aid. Saturday night, it busted and got on the sheets. Sunday morning, he took a hot shower, and I washed it good. It continued to drain the rest of Sunday and Monday. Tuesday, the nurses looked at it. They did a culture test on it (should hear back on that tomorrow). Said it looked like an infected blood blister to them. ??? It has continued to drain all week. He is now on antibiotics for it. And we are cleaning it and changing the dressing on it every day. 

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I went to the doctor last week as well. He wants me to keep my legs wrapped, and elevated. Trying to reduce the swelling and prevent cellulitis from forming. I told him that I cannot sit or lay at all times because I am the only one here to cook and clean and take care of Rick's stuff. He said for me to do what I must do, but not anything that could wait. 
He has changed my medication a little. Added another diuretic, and upped my blood pressure meds. 
He also ordered another sonogram for my left leg - checking it for blood clots ... all clear. No blood clots. Praise the Lord!!!!! 
More blood work. All numbers look good. Except for the one that shows clotting potential - he said it is higher than what he is comfortable with, but not so high that he is "worried". 
I return to him this next week for a follow up on the blood pressure and the legs. As well as more blood work. 

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There comes a time in life that you realize there is no understanding for what you are going thru and dealing with. And you can no longer wait to understand - you just have to blindly trust in the Lord. I thought I was already there. And maybe on some level I was. But God took me to a whole new level this week. 
He has told me to quit asking "Why" ... to just accept that HE knows, and I don't have to understand. To simply trust Him. 
He also said that as long as we hold on to frustrations, anger, resentment, the "not fair" feelings, all these negative things - there is no room for LOVE in our hearts and souls. You cannot have your hands full of something that is bad and reach out to take what is good. You either don't get what is good, or you put down what is bad. 
Lord, this is different. Please help me to let go, so that i can trust you, so that i can have what you want for me. I don't understand ... but then, i don't have to. Help me to lay down my struggles to understand and to figure it all out, to make some sense of it. Help me to trust you -- and to enjoy your Presence. Thank you. I love you so much!!! 

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I don't know what God has for us, or even for me. But I believe that HE knows, and for now, that is enough. 
I want to just enjoy being alive, loving the Lord, loving my husband, my children, my grandchildren, loving anyone else that God puts in my life. 
To look for the secret to life every day - look for it as for a hidden treasure. It may be a good cup of coffee ... a cold glass of sweet tea ... an unexpected phone call - even a wrong number ... a card in the mail ... a text from someone. It may be the hummingbird that buzzes my dress ... or the clouds that change shapes ... or the brilliant sunrise ... the glorious sunset. It may be the laughter of a child ... the smile of someone I meet ... 
Whatever it is, Lord, I want to see it, find it, and treasure it away deep into my heart. Taking each one as a butterfly kiss from my Father! I love you Lord God - oh how i Love you!!!!!

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