We have made several trips since I last posted ... Winnsboro, Little Rock, Dexter NM.
We are tired!!! LOL
Rick is now on a 34 hour reset. We had thought we would be able to spend this time at the house, but dispatch said they needed the trailer back (whether we agree or not) ... so to Clovis we came on Rick's last hours. And in Clovis we will be these next few hours while he resets.
Rick took me out to eat at Red Lobster last night for supper. And yes, I ate too much! But OH MY!!! How good it was! LOL
I have been working on this website ... trying to get everything brought over to here ... and have it all make some sense.
Should anyone be reading this - if you have any ideas, suggestions, comments ... please, let me know! I am open to it all! Good or bad, or even just indifferent! LOL
Guess I had better get off here for now tho ... gotta get the morning started ...
What a joy my children and grandchildren are to me! They truly are the "wind beneath my wings".
I pray for them today.
That you will watch over them - keep them safe, keep them healthy.
Grow them in the Lord, in the wisdom and grace that is yours.
Help them to make the right and good choices and decisions. Those that will lead them in your ways, keep them close to your heart.
Father, I pray that you will go before them today and bring people into their lives that will point and lead the way to Jesus.
People that are witnesses of your love and your grace. People that will encourage.
Those that will strengthen our kids and grandkids - "as iron sharpens iron".
Father, I pray for the salvation of each one of our kids, and our grandkids. Open their hearts - draw them to the Cross. Keep them there! The greatest gift that I could have? Just to know that each one is safe in the arms of Jesus!
Father, I pray also that you will speak a word into their hearts = make them to know just how much I love them. How I long to be a part of their lives. How very much I miss them.
Just a momma and a grannee's heart's plea this morning!
O Father! Be the Strong Deliverer and Great Defender that you are - to our kids and grandkids.
There are so many bullies in the world.
As adults it is hard enough to deal with bullies, but how much harder and fearful when kids must deal with them.
O Father! I worry about our kids and our grandkids!
Please, help them.
Build that hedge of protection about them. Keep them still within it. Keep them safe within it.
Father, I pray that no weapon formed against them shall prosper!
And I pray for those that would try to bully our kids and grandkids.
Pray that you will send your angels with flaming swords to stand there before our kids and grandkids - guard and protect them. Open the eyes of those that are bullies - make them to see the angels!
Just like you did with Balaam and the donkey.
You are the same - yesterday, today and forever!
And just as you allowed David to strike down the giant Goliath - give our kids and grandkids that same faith, that same direction ... and help them to strike down the giants, the bullies in their lives today!
Hold the treasure of my heart close to yours.
In Jesus' Name I pray ...
Make us hungry for your Word. Thirsty for your Presence.
More so than we are hungry or thirsty for food and drink.
What would our life be like if we were as passionate about
meeting with you in prayer and in reading your Word as we are about eating and drinking?
And Father, make us to have great passion for prayer and the
Word – not just to look at it as our “duty”.
What if we had as much passion for prayer and reading the Word as we do for watching TV?
O Father God!
Father, show me how to look upon myself and others the way you do.
Just to be able to see more with “Heaven’s eyes” than with my
own distorted view.
Jesus didn’t die for junk and trash. Jesus died for me, for the
O Father God!
It is no longer I who lives, but Christ who lives in me.
But are others seeing the true and good and right Jesus in me?
Or are they seeing the Jesus that is tainted by own humanity?
O Father God, forgive me.
Help me to live as a Christian – a little Christ – today.
More so than yesterday!
God, help us to grow up – either we believe in you, believe your
Word – or we don’t.
And if we do believe – then when do we allow it to change our
lives? To transform us into the likeness of your image?
God, forgive us all.
Proverbs 31. I Corinthians 7 and 13. Ephesians 5. I Peter 3.
My obedience to you is not based on what others say or think or do – or don’t. Not even what my husband does or doesn’t.
Help me to remember that.
My obedience to you is to be based on the fact that you have
Thru the years Life and marriage changes.
God, help us to live well within those changes.
Help us to rise to the challenges.
It would be so much easier to sit down and whine about all the limitations on our lives.
But are they truly limitations? Or are they challenges?
Help us to learn the difference!
It isn’t easy to be that “daughter of Sarah’s” – and be a woman without words.
To just shut up and pray.
Not to be a doormat to be walked all over.
But to trust myself into the hands of a living God.
Give you the time and room to be my Father.
Father, our bodies don’t seem to be “playing nice” the older we
get. Too many things falling down, getting broke, just not working any more.
Help us to remember that this is not a direct attack against us
– even when it feels like it is.
And help us to not become angry, bitter and resentful when it
seems that life and our bodies are betraying us, attacking us, denying us the basic peace and joy of life.
Father, we cannot add one hour to our life – but with your help and guidance, we can increase the quality of our life. That we might serve you with very breath we take, and in every move we make.
That we might be your witnesses and testimony – your voice – to your healing power, your touch, even your strength in the face of all that is “wrong”.
This life isn’t about “us” – it is all about YOU. Help us to remember that!!!
O Father God– make us to LIVE and not die!!! Not just breathe in and breathe out – but REALLY LIVE!!!
Father, the world revolves around money.
And we need money to pay our bills, buy groceries, put fuel in
Money for going to the doctors, for medications.
Money just to live on.
We don’t want serve money. We want to serve YOU.
We aren’t reaching for the “American Dream” … we choose the
Kingdom of Heaven. Just our choice.
But … we still need money.
And money comes thru work.
Father, help us – guide and direct us.
Teach us to be good stewards of all that you provide.
And remind us that no matter the job, no matter the paycheck – you are our Provider!!!
Father, more than I want to admit, I feel like Humpty Dumpty must have felt … all broke into pieces and couldn’t be put together again.
Please, pick me up and put me together. YOUR way. YOUR creation. YOUR workmanship.
Help me trust you. And just be still in your hands.
Trusting that the Lord is with You
I know that God is with you and He hears your every prayer
He never sleeps nor slumbers and He holds your every tear.
As days seem overwhelming and pain just fills your night
Remember that you're not alone, You are always in His sight.
When troubles seem to have no end and strength is fading, too
You have no fear, you've been set free
Christ paid the price for you.
There is no way that you can fail though battles fill your day
For Christ has said that He alone will always make a way.
When you no longer have the strength to cast out all your fear
Just call HIS name, His holy Name - and Jesus will be there!
My friends, my heart is with all of you who are going through a difficult time in your life.
In one way or another, we all are suffering trials of every kind.
I pray that you will take to heart the message that the love of Christ will never fail you.
Whatever struggle you are facing in your life, let the truth be your guide.
There is nothing to stop the purpose for which God created you.
Your days were numbered and a plan was made for you long before you were born.
There is always hope in every battle because the power of God is with you to the end.
you are feeling overwhelmed and weary, please remember that someone is praying
Be blessed and stay in
All things are being
worked out for your good!
On the stormiest of your days take refuge with
His arms are strong
enough to help you carry whatever burden is weighing you down.
It may seem to take quite a while to get back
to the YOU that you want to be be - but never doubt that He is leading you to
an abundant feast.
I am so thankful that God never changes!!!
In this world and life of constant change - I NEED the stability of an unchanging God!!!
Since Rick has been diagnosed with "Acute Kidney Injury with Renal Failure" - our life has become a merry-go-round of doctors, hospitals, tests, labs, dieticians, nurses, information, teaching and trainings ...
Because of the health crisis, we haven't seen the kids and grandkids as much as we want.
I miss them so much!
Just when Momma and Grannee could use some hugs and laughter and love!!!
Lord, I pray for a time with them ... and SOON!!!
God is good - all the time.
Even when the darkness seems to prevail.
Just have to keep reminding myself that the darkness is as light unto the Lord.
Reminding myself, too, that we do not serve the doctors, the hospitals, the labs, the tests.
We serve the LIVING GOD!!!
I have been struggling with this the last couple of weeks. Rick and I have talked about it. Think it is time to write my thoughts ...
According to dictionary.com - a dream is ...
...a succession of images, thoughts, or emotions passing thru the mind during sleep.
...to think or conceive of something in a very remote way.
...most desirable; ideal.
...to form in the imagination; devise.
...a sequence of imaginative thoughts indulged in while awake.
...a cherished hope, ambition, aspiration.
...a vain hope.
...be unrealistic. Too good to be true.
The Bible has a lot of examples of dreams ...
Genesis 20:3, 6 - ..."God came to Abimelech in a dream one night ..."
Genesis 28:12 - ..."He had a dream in which he saw a stairway ..."
Genesis 31:10-24 ... Jacob's dreams
Genesis 37:5-10 ... Again, Jacob's dreams
Genesis 40 ... Jacob interpreting dreams
Genesis 41 ... Again, Jacob interpreting dreams.
Judges 7 ... Gideon's dreams.
I Kings 3:15 ... Solomon dreams.
Psalm 73:20 ..."As a dream when one awakes, so when you arise, O Lord, you will despise them as fantasies."
Eccl. 5:3 ..."As a dream comes when there are many cares, so the speech of a fool when there are many words."
Isaiah 56:10 ..."Israel's watchmen are blind, they all lack knowledge; they are all mute dogs, they cannot bark; they lie around and dream, they love to sleep."
Jeremiah 23:25-28 ..."I have heard what the prophets say who prophesy lies in my name. They say, 'I had a dream! I had a dream!' ..."
Daniel 2, 4, 7 ... Daniel's dreams and interpretations.
Joel 2:28 ..."And afterward, I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your old men will dream dreams, your young men will see visions."
Matthew 1, 2 ... The story of Joseph and Mary with the baby Jesus.
According to dictionary.com - a vision is ...
...the act or power of anticipating that which will or may come to be.
...stated aims and objectives.
...to see, to know.
And the Bible has a lot of examples of visions, too ...
Genesis 15:1 ... "After this, the word of the Lord came to Abram in a vision: 'Do not be afraid, Abram. I am your shield, your very great reward.' "
Genesis 46:2 ... "And God spoke to Israel in a vision at night and said, 'Jacob! Jacob!' 'Here I am,' he replied."
Numbers 24:4, 16
I Samuel 3 ... "The child Samuel's vision.
Isaiah 1, 21, 22, 9 ... Isaiah's visions concerning Israel.
Ezekiel 7, 8, 11, 12, 43 ... Ezekiel's visions concerning Israel.
Daniel 2, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11 ... Daniel's visions concerning Israel.
Obadiah 1 ... Micah 1 ... Nahum 1 ... Zechariah 1, 13 ...
Luke 1:22 ... The father of John the Baptist has a vision.
Luke 24:23 ... "...but didn't find his body. They came and told us that they had seen a vision of angels, who said he was alive."
Acts 9 ... Ananias' vision.
Acts 10 ... Peter's vision.
Acts 12 ... Peter
Acts 16, 18 ... Paul's vision.
Acts 26:19 ..."So then, King Agrippa, I was not disobedient to the vision from heaven."
Revelation ... the vision of St. John.
So, in all of this - what has become my thoughts and conclusions about dreams vs. visions?
That God can and does use both!
Also, that dreams are not always based in reality, but visions are more so.
Example ... I need to lose about 75 pounds, and it will only happen by good diet and exercise. Now, if I work hard and lose this weight and get in shape - am I going to look like a super model? Will I be like I was at 18 - or better? That would be a dream! But the vision is that I will be a better 50 year old woman!
A dream is something to indulge in occasionally. Not something to put a lot of hope and faith into.
A vision is something that is reachable, doable. Something to put hope and faith,
energy, time and money into. Does that mean that the vision is ALWAYS
attainable? No. Sometimes, life just happens! And then, sometimes, visions
change as we go along.
to myself - dream the dreams. But LIVE the vision!!!
All thru my years (past) I have held fast to hopes and dreams. Knowing what I wanted, and being determined to reach forward to have those hopes and dreams.
...My relationship with God ... marriage ... kids ... grandkids ... house & home ... work ... church ... friends and family ... just my "life".
Finding myself in a place of great change.
A place where I feel lost and lonely.
A place that I don't know the way thru.
A place with few to any dreams ... with every day seeming to eat away at the hopes.
Did I not "plant" those hopes and dreams in the good soil of the Lord?
Or were they "my" hopes and dreams? Not Jeremiah 29:11.
So, I think a lot ... I pray more.
And I begin to realize that what "was" is not what "is" nor what is to "be".
There is a certain amount of sorrow and grieving that goes with this, a place of getting to the end of yourself, the end of your hopes and dreams, the end of all that you can see with your eyes ... and then there is a point of moving into acceptance and going forward. Doing the best with what we have, where we are.
Right now? I feel caught somewhere in-between.
Still with the feelings of extreme sorrow and sadness, the deep seated grieving over what has been lost. But with a faint glimmer of light beginning to creep under the door.
Life from this point forward will never be the "same". It will not be what I had hoped for, dreamed about, lived towards. It will not be the answer to my prayers - or at least, not the answers I had thought I would have. Life is unchartered territory.
From this heartbeat forward, it has not been lived, it has not been walked upon. New and fresh.
What will I do with this hour? With this day? Will I do my best with what I have and where I am?
Or will I stay locked in the past with ghosts of dreams that have died?
Praise the Lord, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise His holy Name.
Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits -
Who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases.
Who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion,
Who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
The Lord works righteousness and justice for all the oppressed.
He made known His way to Moses, his deeds to the people of Israel:
The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.
He will not always accuse, nor will He harbor His anger forever;
He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His love for those who fear Him;
As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.
As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him;
for He knows how we are formed, He remembers that we are dust.
As for man, his days are like grass, he flourishes like a flower in the field;
the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more.
But from everlasting to everlasting the Lord's love is with those who fear Him,
and His righteousness with their children's children -
with those who keep His covenant and remember to obey His precepts.
The Lord has established His throne in heaven, and His kingdom rules over all.
Praise the Lord, you His angels, you mighty ones who do His bidding, who obey His Word.
Praise the Lord, all His heavenly hosts, you His servants who do His will.
Praise the Lord, all Hi
Walking in the Dark ... by Jean E. Syswerda
"I've been walking in the dark for a number of years now.
I began this shadowed journey on August 1. 2005, when my youngest granddaughter, Ava, died in her bed at home. I was there when my daughter, Shelly, ran screaming down the stairs with her baby's lifeless body in her arms. I watched in shock as Shelly performed CPR with no results. I couldn't pray real words. I could only keep whispering, "O Jesus, O Jesus," in an effort to call on Him in this time of horror. When the emergency personnel told us there was no hope, I held my daughter, sitting on her front lawn in the deep summer heat, as she cried for her baby.
Despair was my enemy.
That day began a walk in darkness for me as a grandmother. I groped my way through those first days and months. My grief was two-pronged: I grieved for Ava as my precious, youngest grandchild, but I also grieved for my daughter and her husband and the sorrow that they faced at the loss of their little girl. Despair was my enemy, and he set up camp in the hole Ava's death had left in my heart.
Comfort in Scripture.
In those early days I hung on to every word of comfort in Scripture as a lifeline. As I read, I began to realize how
different my approach to life was from the men and women in the Bible. I took a good life as my due, as appropriate and suitable for me as a believer. I wouldn't have voiced it, but I lived as if I deserved ease and comfort. When something bad happened, I had to try and figure out why. Who caused this tragedy? God? Satan? Sinful forces in a broken world? The faithful in the Bible didn't seem to have that same outlook on life. They appeared to be more willing to take the good and the bad as natural parts of life on earth.
David, especially as expressed in the Psalms, took life's difficulties, ranted and raved about them, and then turned to God for comfort and strength, leaving the questioning, the whys and the wherefores behind. He continued to trust God in the middle of life's problems.
As time went on, I began to realize that any answer I could find to my questions wouldn't satisfy.
Even if I had some divine revelation of why Ava had died, I would still grieve, still think it wasn't fair, still go through life broken by my loss. So, like David, I began to turn to God for comfort and strength to face the day rather than search out all the answers. I prayed that God would do what I promised I would allow Him to do. At Ava's funeral, standing near her tiny white casket on that windy August day, I spoke these words:
"Now that you are gone, nothing will ever be the same. We will never be the same. We are being changed, pruned, but still loved by our sovereign God. We offer up ourselves to God to accomplish His work in us."
I Hang on to God's hand.
I'm still walking in the dark. I cling desperately to God's hand in an effort to make my way in an Ava-less world, a world I no longer recognize. And as I hang on to God's hand, I ask Him to redeem this terrible event by redeeming me. I ask Him to use the grief and pain and fear to change me, to make me less like myself and more like Him. The old me is slipping away more and more each day, being replaced by a new me that knows without a doubt that I can rely on God. And the darkness isn't quite so terrifying as I learn to trust that God is there, even when life doesn't make sense, even when the worst nightmare a grandmother could dream turns out to be a reality.
So often when our lives spin out of control - at least from our viewpoint - we think that God is to blame and that we somehow should be spared such agony. But the One who gave
His only Son up to an agony worse than we have ever known reaches His hand down to take ours and lead us through the darkness. He doesn't always give the answers we desire. He doesn't always change our circumstances as we may wish.
He turns out the lights in order to teach us that gripping His hand on our journey, that trusting in Him, is better than any light."
Like many others I have watched the news reports concerning the Mississippi River flooding, the tornadoes thru the South in the last month, and now this week - the tornado that ripped apart Joplin, MO. My heart breaks for all these people.
I wonder how many know the Lord? Life is so hard with the Lord, I cannot imagine trying to handle the stresses of life without Him. Sigh.
We have been asked, "But what if God is not real?"
Our answer? ...
...We have made the decision to live believing that God is real, that His Word is true. We do not have all the answers. We do not understand all His ways. But, as His children - we don't have to. We only need TRUST Him.
...IF God is not real when we die, then what have we lost?
...IF God is real, but we have not lived that way, when we die - what will we have lost?
*We choose to believe.
We have heard the comments that as children of God we shouldn't know the heartaches of life like the world does. ??? Who has been teaching that??? Where does that come from???
Certainly not from God or His Word! John 14-16!!!
Jesus said, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:33)
There is no promise given, no guarantee made, that says once you become a Christian you live a trouble-free life. No! Exactly the opposite!
Consider our heroes of faith ... (found in Hebrews 11) ...
Abel - worshipped God and paid the price with his very life.
Noah - he spent 120 years on one project out of obedience to God and lost everything except his life and his family.
Abraham - he trusted God and didn't know where he was going most of his life.
Joseph - believed God, was thrown away by his brothers.
Moses - he walked with God, wandered in the wilderness, and was refused to enter the Promised Land.
David - he believed God but hid in caves for fear of his life.
Daniel - believed God and was throne into a den of lions.
Samson - trusted God and lost his eyesight as well as his life.
Peter - confessing Christ as Lord and crucified upside down.
John - confessing Christ as Lord and sent to the Isle of Patmos to live out his life in isolation, because they could not kill him. (And the officials tried!)
Then, to read about the heroes of faith since the Bible was written ...
D.L. Moody ... Billy Sunday ... John Wesley ... Martin Luther ... George Whitefield ... the list goes on and on ...
Who am I to think that I could accept Jesus as my Saviour, confess Him as Lord of all - and then live a "trouble-free" life???
I have heard from those this week that are struggling with their adult children making wrong choices and bad decisions ...
From those who have been thrown into a life of solitude and loneliness because of the death of a spouse ...
From those who are fighting a disease, an illness, that is bigger (or at least at times it seems bigger) than their faith ...
Those who have lost jobs and homes and cars due to the economy ...
Families that are torn apart because for whatever reason husbands and wives don't LOVE one another ...
Hungry children ...
Those that don't have the "basics" of living day to day ...
Forces of nature that have stripped people of simple supplies to their very lives ...
No matter what storm you are in - I Peter 5:6-11
"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for
someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen."
It's hard for me to remember in the midst of my storms that others are going thru equal or even worse storms than me. When the winds blow so hard, when the darkness is so deep
- when I am pitched to and fro ... when my faith wavers.
Paul says in Philippians 4:11 – “I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.”
How do you reconcile contentment with ambition? This question has haunted me so many times especially the last few months …
*Contentment … satisfaction. Ease of mind.
...A state of mind in which one’s desires are confined to his lot whatever it may be. I Timothy 6:6-8
...It is opposed to envy.
...It arises from the inward disposition, and is the offspring of humility.
...Content … satisfied with things as they are.
...willing to accept circumstances
Proverbs 19:23 … “The fear of the Lord leads to life: Then one rests content, untouched by trouble.”
Philippians 4:11-13 … “I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstance. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all things thru Him who give me strength.”
I Timothy 6:6-8 … “But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be
content with that.”
Hebrews 13:5 … “Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.””
*Ambition … an earnest desire for achievement, distinction, power, honor, fame, wealth, and the willingness to strive for its attainment.
Romans 15:20 … “It has always been my ambition to preach the gospel where Christ was not known, so that I would not be building on someone else’s foundation.”
Galatians 5:19-21 … “The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity, and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.”
Philippians 1:17 … “The former preach Christ out of selfish ambition, not sincerely, supposing that they can stir up trouble for me while I am in chains.”
Philippians 2:3 … “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.”
I Thessalonians 4:11-12 … “Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the
respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody.”
James 3:14-16 … “But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such “wisdom” does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.”
**Jesus said in Matthew 6 … “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” (v. 21) “No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.” (v. 24) “But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” (v. 33) “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (v. 34)
So, after reading all this – how do I reconcile contentment with ambition?
I notice that when the Bible speaks against ambition – it says “selfish ambition”.
“O God! Create in me a clean heart!” I pray that my heart will be pure, my motives be holy, and my ambitions in right line with God’s will and plan for my life.
I noticed something else – in Matthew 6:24 the word “money” is capitalized in the Bible. Why are words capitalized?
…(Rules of grammar) … first word of every sentence, the word “I”, first and last and important words in a title, proper nouns. So, “money” in this verse is capitalized – almost like a living and
breathing “thing”. I pray that “money” will NOT be capitalized in my heart, nor in my life. I know that we all need money in this world, to live our lives.
That is the system of our being. But to live with the heart that I need money to live, not that I live to have money!
Also, noticed that the references to contentment almost always dealt with the things of this life – food, money, clothes, etc…
Praying that God will open my eyes to my blessings today.
When the children of Israel wandered in the wilderness for 40 years – God gave them enough for each day. What do I need
today??? God has asked me this question many times – with the assurance that whatever I NEEDED He was ready to provide. It’s just that when faced with that question – and honestly looking at my life, very few times have I been able to say that I needed anything! However, every time I did need something – God has always provided!
One of the hardest lessons in this journey of faith has been learning the difference between what I need and what I want. I heard someone say once that if we could live without something for 3 days, then it was something we wanted, not something we needed. It’s not easy to accept that difference. Amazing what I can live without, tho.
Contentment is a state of mind and heart and spirit. Being content with what we have – knowing that God Himself has said that He will never leave us nor forsake us.
What are my ambitions? Are they Godly? Are they selfish?
Am I serving God or serving Money?
God knows the heart. The hard part is getting myself to look honestly within. God,
OK ... deep breath and plunge on in to submission ... :-) ...
Yes, I can relate to the anguish and cries of St. Paul's voice in Romans 7!!!
Now, Rick says that I am a very obedient and submissive wife ... that I have always done exactly what he has told me to ... cause - he told me to do what I wanted to do! LOL
However, I do struggle with submission.
Submitting to God.
Submitting to my husband.
Submitting even to certain laws and authorities.
Have you ever noticed that when you agree with a law, a Scripture, an authority that submission actually comes easy???
I do not for a moment believe that submission means laying down and letting others take advantage of me, of being a "doormat" to anyone.
I do believe that submission is an outward sign of an inward TRUST.
If I TRUST God to have my best in His heart and mind and plans - then, submitting to Him, letting go and letting God have His way, won't be that hard to do.
If I TRUST Rick that as my husband he is seeking God for wisdom and direction in our marriage and in our life - then submitting to him won't be that hard to do, either.
If I TRUST ... TRUST involves taking my hands off the controls and giving those controls to another.
<<Definition of TRUST ... (1) reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety of a person
(2) confident expectation
(4) to believe
Interesting ... I Corinthians 13:7 ... "It (love) always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
LOVE = TRUST = SUBMISSION ...
SUBMISSION = TRUST = LOVE.
Do I love God? Then I will trust Him. I will submit to Him.
Do I love my husband? Then I will trust him. I will submit to him.
Love takes the "ugliness" out of the word
**Father God, help me to show my love to you (and to my husband) by trusting you, by submitting to you. Thank you for understanding the struggles of my humanity and Christianity. Thank you for Jesus - my example of love and trust and submission. Even He struggled in the Garden ... "Let this cup pass from me ... but not my will be done". Help me Jesus to be more like you!**
Probably one of the hardest and "ugliest" words to this Southern girl!
I have always said that submission is hard because ...
(1) I am a human.
(2) I have Irish, German, and Indian heritage ...
(3) I am an American ...
(4) I was born and bred in the South ...
(5) I am from Texas!
So, there is NO natural submission within me!!!
Submission meaning ... an ACT of submitting. The condition of having submitted.
(Interesting - Late Middle English definition is ... "a letting down".)
Submit meaning ... (1) To give over or yield to the power and authority of another.
(2) To defer to another's judgment, opinion, decision.
(3) Comply, bow, obey, agree, resign.
Like I said, submitting is not easy for me. I was born and bred to FIGHT. LOL
But, then, here comes God and He says ---
...II Chronicles 30:8 ... "Submit to the Lord"
...Job 22:21 ... "Submit to God and be at peace with Him"
...Ephesians 5:21 ... "Submit to one another out of reverance for Christ"
...Ephesians 5:22 ... "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord"
...Hebrews 12:9 ... "Submit to the Father of our spirits and live"
...Hebrews 13:17 ... "Obey your leaders and submit to their authority"
...James 4:7 ... "Submit yourselves, then, to God.
...I Peter 2:13 ... "Submit yourselves for the Lord's sake to every authority instituted among men"
...I Peter 2:18 ... "Submit yourselves to your masters with all respect"
...I Peter 5:5 ... "Likewise, ye younger, submit yourselves unto the
<<Just a few verses that deal with "this">>
What can I say?
I echo the words that Paul said in Romans 7:15-23...
"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do -- this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but sin living in me
that does it. So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind
and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members."
(will finish this shortly - gotta go pick Rick up ... :-)
I know that God has a plan and a purpose for me, for my life. Jeremiah 29:11 ... some days, some times it is just harder to hang on to that faith without sight. Course, I guess if I could SEE it, then it wouldn't take faith, huh?
Why is it so hard to believe in God?
To REALLY trust Him with our hearts, with our day to day life?
...We belive that if we flip the light switch to on that we will have light ... yet, how many of us understand all the workings of electricity?
...We believe that if we pick up the cell phone and dial a number that we be speaking to someone on the other end - just as if we were face to face, not a delay time in conversation. Yet, do you know how you can speak into a phone that you are holding, have the cell signal bounce from tower to tower, go into space and back again, transfer all the "beeps and blips" back to your voice so that the other person hears YOU -- all in an instant??? So quick that there is NO delay in talking?
...We believe that if we pick up the remote and push the button the TV and the "box" will come on ... and we will see LIVE TV. How? I don't understand it.
...Examples after examples ...
I believe in all these things - these things of this world, these things that will pass away given time ...
Yet, I find myself struggling with faith in God.
...Struggling and wrestling to believe -
*God loves me. Even tho I am not deserving or worthy of His great love He loves me. John 3:16
*God meets my need. Not according to my bank account. Not even according to my need. But according to His riches in glory thru Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19
*By His stripes I am healed. I Peter 2:24
*I am not alone. Hebrews 13:5
*He gives me rest. Matthew 11:28
*He gives me comfort. II Corinthians 1:3-4
*I have hope in Him. Romans 15:4
*I can do all things thru Christ who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13
*So many upon many promises!!!
Why do I question the validity of these promises?
Promises made by God.
Not made by a man who is prone to wander, prone to fail.
Not made by a man who can change his mind on a whim, or due to emotions.
But made by GOD - who is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Hebrews 13:8
Promises made by God who is able to do just what He has promised.
Promises made by God who has our best in His heart.
Promises made by God who must - by His own Word - do just what He has said.
*O Father God! I am sorry to be so much "me".
Please, forgive me.
Help me to be a better child of God.
**I have learned 2 things in my life -
1. There IS a God.
2. I am NOT Him!
"Love is not selfish" ...
"Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor." Romans 12:10
The first statement in today's reading,
"We live in a world that is enamored with "self"." OMW - how true!
...What feels good to "me"?
...What do "I" want?
...What is important to "me"?
Selfishness is the opposite of "LOVE".
Selfishness = devoted to only oneself.
caring only for oneself.
stingy self - full
We often accuse children of being selfish - yet, as adults we are just as much, if not more.
And we know better! We just don't DO better.
God, forgive us. God, help us!
Selfishness is something that we are quick to pick up on in someone else's life and actions and words ... yet, we are slow to acknowledge and admit within our own selves.
It is hard to admit to selfishness. It is not a "nice" attribute. No one wants to be considered selfish. I don't. But, too often, I am.
God, forgive me.
When we act for own benefit - that is selfishness. Even if we do something for someone else, then ask for acknowledgement - that is selfishness.
It is hard to tell myself "no" for the good of others. Not just once, but over and over and over. Seems unfair - but once again, God takes me back to the Cross ... and just how "fair" was that to Him?
If we don't have joy at showing unselfishness and love to God and to others - are we really showing love and unselfishness? The Bible says that our hearts are deceitful above all things - how many times has my own heart masked my motives and intentions for doing something? Told myself it was for the right and good reasons - but it wasn't.
"Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves." Philippians 2:3
Buy something that says, "I was thinking of you today."
*As we sat there over coffee, thinking on this ... I wondered aloud if "buying" something was the only way to say, "I was thinking of you today". Now, I agree with the concept and the idea. But there are times and places that "buying something" just isn't feasible. KWIM?
And when you think about "The Love Dare" as being directed to God, to our selves, to our "neighbors" ... "buying something" is not always the best answer.
God is challenging me to look beyond the "stuff" ... get into the heart of "I am thinking of you". To look beyond what is "easy" or "convenient". To see from another's eyes ... what would mean the most to him/her at this moment in their life?
...It may be something bought.
...But it could be a phone call.
...A text message.
...A note of encouragement left to be found later.
...Something made by hand.
...Something that says
- THINKING OF YOU!
**Lord, open my eyes to what says "Thinking of you" to all those in my life. And show me how to take this love dare challenge to myself - without being selfish. KWIM?
God has been good to me.
He has also been teaching me a lot lately. Or at least, trying to teach me. Not sure how good a student I would call myself. (Sadly)
*I want my life to be a song of praise and worship to God - Lord of lords and King of kings, great and mighty God, Abba Father.
To live a life that is honoring to HIM. With every move I make, every breath I take, every word I speak. With all that I am and with everything that I have. To honor HIM.
God has been dealing with me about the ministry of encouragement. And I have questioned if encouragement is truly a ministry.
Yesterday, confirmation was given yet again. I received 58 birthday wishes on Facebook alone! And yes, it DID encourage me. Yes, it DID minister to me.
So, Lord I pray that you will open my heart, my spirit, my eyes - give me the wisdom to know how to encourage others today. Use the encouragement to minister your love and peace and grace.
I am guilty of waiting ... and wondering. And while waiting to not do so much. Wanting to "get all my ducks in a row".
To a degree there isn't anything wrong with that - but then to use it as an excuse not to do anything ... that becomes wrong.
And that is what I have allowed in my own heart and life.
If I continue to wait and watch and wonder - how many more days, weeks, years will I do not much???
I am 50 years old - Lord, help me!!!
Ducks in a row or not - it is TIME TO LIVE LIFE!!! And live it to the fullest.
"And whatever you do whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus giving thanks to God the Father through Him." Colossians 3:17
In the words of Keith Green - "Do your best, pray that it is blest, trust Jesus with the rest."
*I finished reading the book of Esther this morning ... reinforcing the thoughts ... "For such a time as this" ...
What is my purpose here?
What am I here for now?
"Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you." Ephesians 4:32
Kindness is love in action.
I have known some kind people in my life ... and have known some that were not kind. Yes, kindness makes you likeable. It makes others want to be with you.
I think of Granny McCoy ... JoAnn Frosch ... Odell Tarpley ... kind and gentle women - rock hard in their faith.
KINDNESS= benevolence, humanity, generosity, charity, sympathy, compassion, tenderness
"Do not let kindness and truth leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. So you will find favor and good repute in the sight of God and man." Proverbs 3:3-4
Kindness is broken down into 4 basic ingredients ...
Not severe, rough, or violent. Mild. Moderate. To tame. Calm. Pacify. Soothing. Tender. Humane. Merciful. Absence of bad temper. Deliberate forbearance in dealing with others. Submissive spirit, undue submission in the face of insult or injustice. Noble. Courteous.
Useful. Convenient. Beneficial. Giving aid or assistance. "At your service."
Consenting. Inclined. Ready. Cheerful readiness. Done or given freely. Voluntarily.
Leading to action. Enterprise. Responsible decision. Readiness in
action. Leadership. Forcefulness. That which begins.
**One of the hardest statements in this day's reading is: Kindness graces a wife with the ability to serve her husband without worrying about her rights.
This applies not just to my heart and life as a wife - but in all areas.
This is one (of many) of my weaknesses. ~sigh~ I will serve without thought ... TO A POINT.
After that point, I will continue to serve, but more with a grudging attitude (not always spoken, but sadly, not always quiet either).
"Why do I have to be the one to cook or clean or serve or ...? I am tired too!"
Or "I want to watch TV, too" ...
"I want to sit down and rest a while" ...
"I want to sit down and just visit" ...
"I want ..."
I heard it said once that if we hear ourselves say "I" more than "we" or "us" or "Christ" then we have our priorities wrong. This life is not about "I". When will "I" learn that???
"I" want to be so hid in Christ that when others look at me they ONLY see Christ!
Galatians 2:20 ... "I have been crucified with Christ, and I no longer live ..."
*O Lord, help me!!!*
"She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue." Proverbs 31:26
When I open my mouth - what does God hear? What does my husband hear? My children, grandchildren? What does anyone hear?
What are others learning from me? Do I really teach kindness? Kindness is not taught in words, but in deeds. How have I been "caught" in the act of kindness today?
TODAY'S CHALLENGE ---
In addition to saying nothing negative, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness.
O Father God - you have been kind to me. Teach me, train me, in kindness. Help me to be kind. Help me to open my heart, my mind, my eyes - to see the opportunities that surround me to be KIND.
My life verses are - Proverbs 4:23-27 ...
"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is a wellspring of life. Put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk far from your lips. Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you. Make level paths for your feet and take only ways that are firm. Do not swerve to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil."
O Lord, help me to LIVE these Words today and everyday. I know it won't be easy.
And I realize it goes against every "natural" thought and attitude of myself. (Which is a good thing, right? :-))
I don't ever want to come across to someone else as "holier than they", or a "Miss Goody-too shoes".
I don't ever want to live in such a way that rather than drawing people to the Cross I am driving them away. O GOD! Keep my heart pure, my spirit humble. Make me what YOU want me to be!
Last night we were blessed to be able to go to church.
Pastor Jeremy preached the Word of God!
God gave confirmation over and again to me, to us.
<Thank you Pastor Jeremy for your faithfulness to the Word of God!>
With Pastor Jeremy's permission, some of the points in the message from last night ...
I Thessalonians 5:12-22
"Now we ask you, brothers, to respect those who work hard among you, who are over you in the Lord and who admonish you. Hold them in the highest regard in love because of their work. Live in peace with each other. And we urge you, brothers, warn those who are idle, encourage the
timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone. Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always try to be kind to each other and to everyone else. Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this
is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. Do not put out the Spirit's fire; do not treat prophecies with contempt. Test everything. Hold on to the good. Avoid every kind of evil."
The title for the message - THE BIBLICAL CHURCH
Considering that WE are the church - individually, then, this is the Biblical ME.
*Outward morality without inward restoration is empty and vain. Like the Sadducees.
*Priority of cleansing is to start with the inside first.
Even baptism is an "outward sign of an inward change".
*It doesn't matter what anyone thinks or says about the church (what the church should be or do)- what does God say?
What are the characteristics of THE BIBLICAL CHURCH? And of me?
Before you can lead, you have to show that you can follow.
Leadership is to be honored and respected.
*We are to acknowledge and appreciate the leadership. Know the value of the man of God. Their job is not an easy job.
Ministers have issues of life just like we do.
We show more acknowledgement and appreciation for the
"professional" world than we do for the man of God!
*We are to respect our leaders.
Respect means to admire and esteem.
Esteem means to think very highly in love.
The work they do is a God-work. A holy work.
*We are to reward our leaders.
What is the greatest reward to our leaders?
Think about being a parent ... what is the greatest reward we have as a parent? When our kids LISTEN and OBEY - from love.
Be at peace among yourselves.
Leaders are not to be dictators.
But, the people under the leaders are not to be constantly griping and complaining either!
Remember the story of Moses and the children of Israel in the wilderness - when the children of Israel complained and griped, God sent serpents among them!
*We do not have revival because the church does not get behind the pastor!*
*We are to warn the unruly, the disorderly, the loafer. Warn the "soldier" who has broken rank. Severely warn. Not with condemnation, but with a firmness of love.
We have more "used to be's" in the church than not. What we "used to do" for the kingdom.
What are doing NOW for the kingdom?
Is my life drawing others to God or driving them away?
Is my walk matching my talk?
*Comfort the fainthearted. Those that lack courage. Those easily discouraged. Those that are fearful. Those that lack the
courage to live their convictions.
Fear trumps faith too many times. Again, we are not to condemn.
But those that are more spiritually mature, stronger in the Lord - and in the power of His might and Word - have the obligation to come along side the weaker ones and lift them up, teach them the ways and train them to be strong.
*Support the spiritually weak. Those that are easily led astray. Again, those that are more spiritually mature, stronger in the Lord (walked this way already) have the obligation to cling to and hold onto those that are weaker.
To seek out the immature believers and disciple them, help them to grow in the Lord.
Everyone should have 2 others that they work closely with ... One who is mentoring them, and one who they are
Who am I upholding? Who am I allowing to uphold me?
*Patience. Consistency. Long suffering. Giving others time to grow up in the Lord. Allowing patience to have its perfect work.
Forming a hedge of protection around one another.
We are to build up one another. Encourage one another.
In the terms of the Old West - it is time to CIRCLE THE WAGONS!
*There is not much joy in the church.
*We should be found always rejoicing! We have much to be thankful about, much to rejoice in! We are the children of the
Living God! Jesus died and rose again for us! His Blood covers us and forgives our sin! We are going to live with Him forever! This world is not our home!
*Church should not be a place of misery! And neither should my life, my home, be a place of misery!
What about me draws others to Jesus? Who wants to be a part of misery?
*Pray without ceasing. My life should be a prayer - a prayer of intercession, a prayer of praise and worship.
*Prayer is God's way of communication. His law of operation.
*Prayer stirs fellowship - with God, among one another.
*Prayer binds us together. A church, a family, a marriage that prays together, stays together.
*This is the will of God. Be thankful.
*Being thankful is a witness and a testimony to the work of God in our lives.
6. Spirit filled and Spirit following.
*There are 4 sins against the Spirit as taught in the Word -
1. Quenching -- means to snuff out. To pour cold water on.
We do this by not spending time with Him.
We are all given 24 hours each day. How do we use that time?
We also do this by our disobedience.
And we do this by not being sensitive to the urgings and movings and workings of God in our hearts and lives.
2. Grieving -- meaning to pain or sadden. Is there anything in ny life that is contrary to the image of God? That pains the Holy Spirit, makes Him sad. Grieves His heart.
Remember - the Lord goes where we go, He sees what we see, He hears what we hear.
3. Blaspheming -- rejecting the witness of the Holy Spirit in our hearts and lives.
4. Lying -- the story of Ananias and Sapphira in Acts 5.
7. Humility. *We are to humble ourselves under the preaching.
*Preaching is pleasing to God.
*Too often the preaching of the Word is despised in the church today.
We should be desiring to hear the true Word of God, even tho it hurts our pride! The Word of God is not preached in order to "tickle our ears" and give us "warmth and fuzzies"!
8. Be careful. *Test all things. Not everything is of God.
Put everything up against the Word of God and let the Word make it stand or knock it down.
9. Be holy. *Evil is real. We are to FLEE from evil! Flee meaning to run away from, have nothing to do with it!
*Sadly, we as Christians more than not, try and see how close we can get to evil and sin without being touched by it and still call ourselves "Christians" (Christ-like).
*We are to get away from even the appearance of evil!
*If it has the possibility of tarnishing the Name of Christ in our lives - get away!!!
Dear God our Father - I am sorry. Change my heart. Change my life. Make me a Biblical me for YOU.
In Jesus' Name ...
In all of this prayer and reflection - I am realizing some things, and it isn't all that much fun!
Realized that I had become so impatient and negative about LIFE and everything and everyone involved in my life.
Spending some time in quietness and prayer.
Working harder at practicing the old adage - "If you can't say something nice about someone (or something) say nothing at all".
It's hard for me to just shut up!
Anyone who knows me, knows that I am a talker!!!
Thinking about learning to live The Love Dare towards God --
*I do not deserve the love of God, nor the friendship of God ... yet, it's not about ME.
It is all about GOD! And although I do not deserve it, God desires it!
What a great and mighty God we serve! Awesome in every way. Yet, God is lonely. Desiring fellowship and friendship with US.
*Why should we practice The Love Dare to God?
Aren't we as Christians called to the BRIDE of Christ?
And wasn't The Love Dare written to help in the marriage
*How do we practice The Love Dare to God?
Jesus said that if we do anything to "the least of these" we have done it UNTO GOD. Matthew 25:31-46.
Galatians 2:20 says, "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."
Do I believe this? If so, then - whatever I say or do to others I am doing UNTO CHRIST, if they proclaim to be Christians. Because they too no longer live, it is Christ who lives in them! And if they don't proclaim to be Christians? Well, I am.
And it is no longer I who lives, but Christ who lives in me - so how would Jesus treat them???
Colossians 3:17 -
"And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the Name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him."
(Part of this is taken from a study on The Love Dare.)
I Corinthians 13:1-3 -
"If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do
not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging
If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove
mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.
And if I give up all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing."
Ephesians 4:2 -
"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love."
We are to base patience on FAITH - not feelings.
How often do we "feel" like being patient?
If I "feel like" being patient - chances are that my patience is not being tried at that moment!!!
...Love is built on 2 pillars.
"All other characteristics of love are extensions of these two
...Patience is a CHOICE.
Considering that I have never been known to be a patient person - this was a statement of absolute freedom to me! Just to realize that I have a CHOICE in whether I am patient or not.
*I must choose to lead my heart to patience. Not be led by my heart.
...If I am offended, do I quickly retaliate? Or do I stay under
...Do my emotions control me? Or do I control my emotions?
..."Anger is usually caused when the strong desire for
something is mixed with disappointment or grief. You don't get what you want and you start heating up inside."
...Patience helps us give others the permission to be human. It's what I want and expect from others ... but how many times do I not give it to others? I want time to come to terms with my own humanity and screw ups - but how many times do I give others the same amount of time?
What would life be like if I really lived I Thessalonians 5:15? "See that no one repays another with evil for evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another."
Now some may think that is the wrong list of order ...
*Matthew 22:37 ... "Jesus replied, 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your
*Matthew 22:38 ... "This is the first and greatest commandment."
*Matthew 22:39 ... "And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"
APPLYING THIS TO MY LIFE TODAY ...
To God ... I first thought, "That's easy. I am not impatient with God, nor am I negative to or about God." Then, God quietly spoke ... *How many times have I become impatient because I wanted God's answer to something?
*How often do I stomp my feet in prayer, impatient, because I want God to tell me what I want to hear, give me what I want and when I want it, even the way I want it?
*How many words of complaints (negativity) come out of my mouth because God didn't do what I thought, when I thought it should be done, or the way I thought it should be?
Repenting now with bitter tears and a broken heart!
To myself ... Easy to see all my impatience and negativism toward myself! Hard to be patient and not speak negative about this aging and broken body! Hard not to complain over the aches and pains. Hard to be patient over my choices and decisions ... knowing to do better - but not doing better.
To others ... With choosing to be patient and not speak negative - I am realizing just how impatient and negative I had become. ~sigh~
Again - repenting with bitter tears and a broken heart!
"Others" - not just my husband, children, grandchildren. But family and friends. Strangers. Acquaintances. People in the stores. Other drivers on the roads.
You know, I at first argued with God ...
"But it isn't fair God! Why do *I* have to be the one to be patient and not be negative? Look at all the impatient people around me! Listen to all their negative words and comments! Why must this start with me???"
God's answer? A very quiet ... "You are right. It's not fair. But then, neither was it fair that I had to be the only one to send my Son to the Cross of Calvary."
God, forgive me. Start with me. Here I am. I am Yours.
In Jesus' Name ...
After much prayer and thought, I am entering a time of change.
Change is not always an option.
Sometimes "life" just happens.
Jobs, homes, families ... birth, growth, death.
But even then, we can learn to live with the change - or fight the change.
Lord, help me in this!!!
God, grant me the serenity to accept teh things that I cannot change or do ...
grant me the courage to change and to do all that I can ...
and the wisdom to know the differences.
God grant me the serenity, the peace, to trust you with all my heart when the winds of change blow and howl, raging it seems against me.
Help me to trust you.
Lord, I commit anew my life, my all, into your hands.
I am your workmanship.
Create in me all that you want.
Take away all that you don't want in me.
I am Yours.
You are God.
Trusting you for whatever you want to do.
In Jesus' Name ...
I love my husband.
30+ years ago I made the commitment to "go where he goes".
To be his wife for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part.
That is still my heart and soul!
29 years ago, God blessed us with a daughter ...
28 years ago, He blessed us with a son.
And in the last 11 years, He has blessed us with 6 grandkids. :-)
How do I reconcile my heart to the life we are living???
We are not the "traditional" family in some ways. Granted - there is just Rick and just me. No ex's ... no step children ... just the 2 of us ... just our 2 kids, and the grandkids.
But - due to choices and decisions (not always good and right - especially in looking back) we are not living a "traditional" life.
Rick drives a milk transport truck. Which means that he never knows where dispatch is sending him until the call comes in. Even on his days "off" - he has to call in at 10 a.m. and again at 5:30 p.m. AND be subject to receiving a call 24/7. Sigh.
Not meaning to complain - but how do you plan anything around the job when it is like this?
In 7 months he has only had 2 or 3 true days off - when he was not subject to a phone call coming in, and where he didn't have to call in the twice a day.
When he isn't driving, he is resting/sleeping.
Daughter lives within 20 minutes of us. Yet, there are days and weeks at a time when the only contact we have is a phone conversation, a text message, passing each other on facebook.
Son lives almost 4 hours from us. In the last 9 months we have seen him 3 times - each time for about 2 hours. So, a total of about 6 hours with him and his family in the last 9
We did have the grandkids for spring break in March. So, our contact with him is also a phone conversation, a text message, and occasionally passing each other on facebook (with his wife).
I realize that we are not the only ones to live a non-traditional family life. And I realize that there are some who don't much care to see their kids and grandkids that often.
BUT - I MISS MY KIDS AND MY GRANDKIDS!!!
Miss them so much that my spirit grieves, my heart aches. Miss them so much that it hurts physically.
I know that we are not going to have that "Leave it to Beaver" family life. And that's ok. I just find myself wishing and praying so much that we could have more of a LIFE with the kids and the grandkids. Sigh.
Have time to sit and talk ...
drink a cup of coffee ...
enjoy a good meal together ...
sip cold ice tea ...
watch a movie ...
go fishing ...
dangle our feet in the water ...
a trip to the zoo ...
sit at the park and watch the grandkids play ...
have a picnic ...
hear the voices of the grandkids - even if they were arguing!
Some will say that we just have to "work at it" ... and I know that. However, it is hard (and impossible at times) for one
person - namely wife, momma, grannee - to coordinate it all together and make it happen!
I pray daily, many times thru the day, for each of the kids, their spouses and the grandkids. Pray that God will love on them for me. Pray that somehow God will put the knowledge, the assurance within them - that I love them. That I miss them. That I long to see them and live LIFE with them.
Pray, too, that they will somehow understand and forgive me for all the times that I haven't been there with them thru the storms and struggles of life. The times I haven't been with them thru the joys and victories. With them in prayer, over the phone, in text messages, thru the emails, and even on facebook - but not with them physically.
I wonder if anyone else goes thru this struggle of trying to reconcile their heart and hurts with the reality of life and living???
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."
...reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety of another.
...confident expectation of something.
...to rely on.
...a feeling of security.
...a conscious trust because of good reasons, definite evidence and/or past experiences.
...the whole of.
...wholly. Entirely. Completely.
...above all, before everything else.
...to admit to be real or true.
...recognize the existence or truth.
...recognize the authority.
...declaring something to be true.
...to express appreciation and thanks.
C.S. Lewis wrote ... "To trust Him means, of course, trying to do all that He says. There would be no sense in saying you trusted a person if you would not take his advice. Thus if you have really handed yourself over to Him, it must follow that you are trying to obey Him. But trying in a new way, a less worried way."
The challenge is to put more confidence in God's ability than in my own. To not try and analyze and figure out every detail myself. But to place my belief in God's wisdom, His love, and His strength. To lean on God instead of relying on myself or on anyone, anything, else.
I don't have to understand everything. I don't have to know everything.
But, am I going to trust the One who does know and understand???
Lord, help me trust you.
I believe. Help Thou my unbelief.
There are times that all we can do is breathe in and breathe out. Take one day at a time ... I realize that this song is about a separation of a man and a woman -- but it is so appropriate for other relationships, too ... and for just making it thru the day sometimes ...
So why "Scattered Feathers" ? ? ?
You can read it here