I have not been able to sleep much at all this whole week ... Insomnia has been my night-time companion. Not that I have gotten much else accomplished, either - night or day.
Remember the movie, "UP"? Remember the dog ... "Squirrel!"? Well, that's me - especially now ... being so tired and weary, yet unable to go to sleep, or stay asleep. And in those short times that I do fall asleep, I dream dreams that cause me to wake up restless and stressed.
We watched the 'Bama game with Tennessee today ... 45 to 3 - ROLL TIDE ROLL!!!!! Part of the game we watched with Elijah, part with Brooklyn, part with Jimmy (Rick's dad), and part was just Rick and me ... but it was all watching the TIDE ROLL ON!!! It was GOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!
No matter how old my kids get, no matter how tired momma may be ... I worry ...
Because of the storms rolling thru and the heavy rains of the evening, Mandy didn't get to leave work when she normally would. So, it was going to be later when she got in. Ok.
But then, due to the wrecks on the highway, she was detoured. And found herself miles out of the way, and much longer from home. Tired and hungry. Frustrated and discouraged. We spent some time texting back and forth. I spent a lot of time praying for her. And finally, decent cell phone service, so that she could call me. I heard her voice and took a deep breath. We talked way into the morning while she drove in.
She just texted me (4 a.m.) and told me that she has finally made it home ... and is going to bed to sleep. I breathe now ... she is my baby girl, no matter how old she is, no matter where she is, no matter where i am. She is my baby girl - and i worry about her, because I love her so!!!
I "think" i am finally beginning to learn a lesson ... Trials work patience ... patience teaches us to trust in the Lord ...
God loves us enough to teach us - patiently. It's not fun. I don't like trials and tests.
Wish there was an easier way ... but alas, I am stubborn, and the Lord knows this. Once i get something, I GOT IT. But getting it ... Oh my. sigh.
God is faithful. We do trust Him. He is our Provider. We don't know how He is going to take care of us. But His promise is - that He WILL.
This has been a most difficult 2 years ... and with every month that goes by, it seems to get more and more difficult. Not less. The trials are stronger in intensity ... the tests are more detailed ...
The enemy wages a war - not for us, but to get our praise and worship away from God. When he can get our attentions on our own selves, locked in on our problems and distresses, then he has won a slight victory in that moment. He has turned our eyes from looking full into the wonderful face of Jesus. No longer do the things of this earth grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace. Sadly, His face grows strangely dim to our eyes in the glare of this world's appeal.
Lord, turn our eyes back on Jesus. Help us to look up! Psalm 121 ... Help us to believe! Help us to trust in YOU - especially when things do not make sense, and we have no understanding, none at all.
We love you, Lord. We are so tired and weary, as a warrior we are but a child. Lord, help us please. pleasel
And life goes on ...
October 17, 2013 ...
Well, I guess by now our car is nothing but a hunk of junk ... sigh.
We were unable to pay the full cost of impound and towing fees by today @ 5 p.m. - and were told that if we did not pay the full cost, then the car would be crushed. Not sold. Crushed.
The Kidney Fund check came in - but by the time it got here, the fees + the cost of renting the trailer to go get the car + the fuel to go to McKinney and back = more than we had. And then it was going to be put the car in the shop to even find out what was wrong with it. Just not enough money ...
Rick called the towing company and asked them to let us pay 1/2 of the tow/impound fees + give them the clear title to the car ... even to let them keep the car until the next payday when we could pay the other 1/2. (2 weeks). They refused to negotiate at all. Said that they were going to crush the car. No arguments. No questions. No other options - pay in full ... or ...
We had over $4000 in the car. Not an expensive car compared to a lot of ones on the road today. But it was paid for ... and it was a good car. Rode good. Drove well.
In losing the car, we also lost a nearly new Sirius XM radio ... a nearly new inverter - allowing us to plug anything electric in and use while on the road ... and not remembering whatever else was left in the car, with the thought and assumption that we were going to get it out in just a few days.
We also lost new tires (still having 2 more payments to make on them) ... lost $8oo worth of work that we still owe 2 payments on ... new so many things that I have lost count ...
But we also lost our way to doctors and clinics and hospitals. We do have a diesel pickup - that has to go into the shop to have ball joints and u-joints replaced. So while the truck goes into the shop (costing us $500 at least), we also have to rent a car to go to Houston on the 30th of this month - and since it is during the week that we have to travel, of course, the cost of a car is at a premium ... about $60 a day + fuel there. Sigh.
Rick needs to see a dentist - I called several and because we do not have dental insurance, then we are pushed to the end of the waiting list. Even tho he is in pain to eat or drink anything hot or cold. If we could find one that would take him right away, it would cost us around $200.
We both need to have eye exams and get new glasses, including frames. Thankfully, we have insurance to cover most of the cost of exams, frames and lenses. But in the midst of everything else? Even the co-pays are hard to come by right now.
Course, at this point, we don't have much choice. We have super-glued Rick's glasses back together 3 times so far ... and he now has gone to the automotive section at Wal-mart and bought the tubing that you use high heat to shrink to fit wires with. Tomorrow we will try again to make it work. He said he is going to break a toothpick, tape it to the leg, and then fit a tube over all of it, heat it and shrink it. Hopefully it will all hold long enough for another paycheck to come in.
This is truly stretching our faith. Knowing that God is always God, even if the checkbook is empty, even if the cabinets are bare, even if the health is failing, even if there are storms arising and raging on every front of our lives. No matter what - God is still God. And we are still and always HIS.
It is also a trial by fire to our marriage. The stress is unbelievable. I hang on to the promise that "a cord of 3 is not quickly broken" ... just believing God to be greater than all this stress. Believing God to sing over us and quiet us together with His love.
Please, pray for us. Please add us to any prayer chains or prayer lists - personal, thru prayer groups, thru churches. Please PRAY FOR US.
We are back in SS now ... we left Joshua and Dessie's on Monday morning ... had an uneventful trip back from Graham - which was good to us!
Got to the house, truck unloaded, we were exhausted. Visited with Rick's parents a little.
And then ... a wonderful surprise! Our daughter, Angel, came with Elijah and Brooke =)!!! Oh how this momma and grannee's heart rejoiced!!! We laughed, we talked. Of course we hugged and got/gave sugars! =) Felt like it had been much more than 1 month since I had seen them!!! Oh my!!! =)
Tuesday was spent trying to get everything unpacked and put away. Some semblance of order for these next 10 days. I think that is one of those things I miss the most right now -- order in my "nest" ... with my own things about me. Sigh. One of these days ... one of these days ... Lord, please calm our life. One of these days.
Wednesday we went to the Dialysis Center with Rick. Nurses and doctor visits.
**It was also the time for Rick to take in his urine for the last 24 hours, as well as the night before's bags from the dialysis. Kt/V check. And Rick did EXCELLENT once again! =) The doctor and the nurses are amazed that he is doing so well, consistently! This test is done every 3 months. We are told that it is highly unusual for a dialysis patient to bring in ONE urine container. And for every 3 months this last almost year - Rick has brought in not one, but TWO urine containers!!! His numbers are close to 4000!!!!! Dr Greenwell said that is utterly unheard of in the dialysis world!!! PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!
**Rick's blood count had gone up ... as well as his iron levels and saturations!!! PRAISE GOD!!!
**All of his blood numbers are so much better than they were. His A1C is in the 7's now, down from the 11's!!! PRAISE GOD!!! And that is just with 30 units of insulin morning and night. The night insulin is adjusted daily from 20 - 30 depending on how his sugars were that day. He is running just a little high on phosphorus - but we ran out of his medication, and out of money to get refills, for about 10 days back in September.
**The swelling in his feet and legs was so much less that the doctor commented several times about how much better they looked than what they did last month. We are adjusting his Lasix every morning and night - depending on how he feels, and how his feet/legs look. He takes 1-3 tablets morning and night, depending.
**He is still being encouraged to walk. And since the weather is AWESOME right now, it makes it a lot more pleasant to go for a walk. Now, if we can just stay focused and actually WALK. Sigh. It's hard when the pain is there ... but then, we know, too, that after all these months of being so very restricted, it's not going to be EASY ... but it will be BEST.
We went to Elijah's football game last night. Sadly, they lost to Maud, 34 to 18 ... but they played a good game, a hard game. And I enjoyed just going! Seeing my grandson play football - the sport of passion to my heart. LOL ... So, yes, this grannee was one of the loudest in the cheering section. Mandy looked at me like she didn't even know her momma! LOL ... I said, "Hey, I like football!" Her response was, "Obviously!" ROFL!!!
Mandy has to work tomorrow in Plano, and we get to keep the grandkids for a while. =)
Alabama plays tomorrow - which is AWESOME in itself ... but Elijah is wanting to watch the game with us, to help him learn the plays and positions. =) Oh I think this Grannee's heart may burst yet! LOL
(yes, Brooklyn is rolling her eyes ... but that's ok ... LOL)
Rick has put the truck in the shop this morning ... having U-joint replaced along with the ball joints. Sigh. No option tho, not only does it need done, it is now our only vehicle! So it will be babied!!!
We are leaving Wednesday afternoon, going to Houston. My appointment with Dr Michael is on Thursday next week. After we are finished at MDA, we are going back to Mike & Nina's house to enjoy an evening of fellowship. Mike and Nina are due to leave Friday morning on their vacation, and they have asked us to dog-sit and house-sit. =) So, it will be a vacation for us, too!!!
Guess I had better get off here and see how much I can get accomplished today ... much paperwork and computer stuff to wade thru ...
God bless each one of you that reads this ...
ROLL TIDE tomorrow!!! LOVE THEM 'BAMA BOYS!!! =)
October 14th, 2013
Monday, October 14, 2013
Rick and I spent most of the day yesterday out and about with Joshua and Dessie, Shell and Kyla. We went over to Weatherford, ate at McAlister's Deli (one of my ultimate favorite places =) ) ... then, the guys endured a quick trip to Michael's ... on to Wal-mart.
Joshua is trying to get Internet into the house here. He bought the Wal-mart Internet on the go package yesterday. Tried it last night ... doesn't work. Thankfully there is a 15 day return period on it. He said, he is going to try for Hughes Net next. Sigh.
Last night while Rick, Joshua and Dessie watched a movie - Shell and Kyla played with Grannee. I don't mean that we all played a game. No, they played WITH Grannee! Using Grannee for some kind of toy! LOL ... both of them styled my hair - thank goodness they aren't getting paid for styling hair! ROFL!!! They put sunshades on me, leis around my neck, a shell necklace on my head as a crown, and declared me Queen of the Islands! ROFL!!! Kyla painted my toenails.
We talked about school ... riding the bus ... their friends ...
Yes, Grannee got all pampered out! LOL
Still trying to deal with all this about the car. It's hard to let the car go ... even tho it has been in the shop a lot the last few months, it hasn't been anything seriously major. It has all been just tender maintenance - basic stuff that has to be done whenever a car has not been taken care of much. And when we got this car about 3 years ago, it had been sitting out in a hay pasture for at least 2 years, not being used or cared for. It is a 1995 Cadillac Deville. It has only a little over 100,000 actual miles on it. The interior has very little wear on it. The exterior has some wear on it, but nothing major. Rick has been working on the car a little at a time. Sometimes we haven't gotten the choice of when to do things to it. But overall - it has been a good car.
It has taken us to Houston and back for a year now.
It has taken us to Paris and back for over a year.
We have hauled our kids and grandkids around in comfort.
We have been able to carry all the medical supplies as well as our clothes whenever we went somewhere.
It has been a good car overall.
And it is hard to let it go ... especially hard on Rick.
I made an old family recipe last night for supper. Spinach and eggs ... supposed to be poke sallet and eggs - but we didn't have any poke sallet. So, chopped frozen spinach it was.
I browned a pound of maple flavored bacon. Set the bacon strips aside to cool. There wasn't much grease left, so I just used it.
Opened a package of frozen chopped spinach and put it in the skillet. Covered it to cook until thawed well.
Cut the bacon into pieces, added to the spinach.
Mixed 12 eggs in a bowl, added black pepper. Slowly poured, while stirring, the eggs into the spinach and bacon mixture - cooked over medium heat, stirring constantly.
Scrambled eggs and spinach with bacon. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...
Joshua and Rick LOVED it! Shell had never had it, he was skeptical at first, said it looked like 'green eggs and ham' LOL ... but once he tried it - he ate 3 servings!!! LOL Kyla was not impressed, she ate a little, but not much. Dessie said she had never had it either, but once she tried it, she said it was good. We sat there and ate, talking about my Momma -- she cooked this a LOT. Seemed to always have some left over in a bowl in the frig.
I miss my Momma!!!
**“I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.
I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.
I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life."
I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.
I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back.
I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.
I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.
I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.
I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.
I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
- Maya Angelou
October 12th, 2013
Can't sleep tonight ... insomnia brought on by too much stress ... complicated with hot flashes from some nether world of horrible ... and further complicated with a sick stomach that nothing seems to calm down.
We have been wrestling with all this about the car being impounded for 23 days now. Waiting on the money to come in so that we can get the car out of impound.
And today, Kathy (social worker at the dialysis center) called Rick, told him that the check from the Kidney Fund had come in.
Rick then called 1st Choice Towing (Melissa, TX) and talked to them about what the charges are to this day. $780+ ... the whole check. Not enough money to rent a trailer to haul the car to the auto shop. Not even enough money to buy the fuel to go get the car.
So, we sat here today, all day, going over and over and over it all. Making phone calls. Talking with one another. Talking to Joshua and Dessie. Rick even talked to his daddy. And of course, we prayed and prayed over it all.
This is a time when there is no good answer. Every answer has something not good about it.
There is a hearing scheduled for October 28th at 10:30 a.m. before the Collin County JP, Precinct 1.
Rick called the 1st Choice Towing, asked them if they would hold the car until after the hearing ... they said no. They will hold the car for 30 days after picking it up - which will be October 17th. After that day, they will crush it. Not sell it. Just crush it.
I know that there are so many things not fair in this life.
But this is one of those things that just isn't RIGHT at all.
What did Rick and I do wrong? We have searched our hearts, in the stillness and quietness of these long days and nights, even to one another - opening our hearts to one another, enduring the questions over and over and over again.
There was (or is) no guile found in either of us. We were acting in total good faith. No ulterior motives. No ill intents of the heart or mind.
When David Sprouse (owner) and the girl in the office (his employee) both told us that the car was fine where it was at, until we could rent the truck and get our stuff out ... well, we took them at their word.
When the girl in the office gave us the number for Enterprise, and then called us by name ... we didn't press to "leave" our name at that time.
When we told them that we would be right back ... we meant it, and we were. Gone no more than 25 minutes.
So, why did David Sprouse have the tow truck called just moments after we left with the Enterprise guy? He had to have called almost before we got out of sight. We were only gone for 25 minutes, but in that time, (1)the call had been made to 1st Choice Towing in Melissa, TX - (2)their driver had been dispatched to Sprouse Automotive in McKinney, TX - (3)the tow truck driver got to Sprouse Automotive, (4)had the paperwork working, (5)had the car loaded on the truck, and (6)was ready to drive out with it when we got back - 25 minutes after we left to go rent the truck.
This car was NOT abandoned!!! It was in the parking area of an auto shop, where the owner had pulled it, where the owner had told us it was fine until we could get our stuff out, and where it sat for 25 minutes - with their knowledge - while we went and rented a truck from Enterprise Rent-a-Car.
If we spend literally every cent of money that we have - we might be able to get the car out of impound, and drag it to the shop in SS. "MIGHT".
If we get it to an auto shop, it might be the CV joint ($200) or it might be the transmission ($1200 - which we can NOT afford, so it wouldn't get fixed anyway).
If we don't get it out of impound, they will crush it in less than a week.
If we have the hearing we could win or lose. If we lose, then will David Sprouse ask the judge for any compensation from us for any of this?But if we win, we could ask for 3 times the amount of all the towing and fees.
I wish I could tell David Sprouse just how much this has literally screwed up our lives! Oh I know, this is only a car.
*But it is the car that we depended on to get us back and forth to the doctors, the clinics, the hospitals.
*The car that I could drive with comfort and ease.
*The car that we have just spent $2000 on repairs for in the last 2 years.
And I realize that the car breaking down was no fault of David's nor of ours.
But for him to call a tow truck, after the conversations with both him and his "girl in the office"?
So what are we going to do?
We have waffled back and forth all day ... even more so than we have done the previous 22 days.
Finally, Rick said that he had decided to just let the car go. That he believed it would be better to regret letting it go, than to regret spending every penny that we have to get it out, and then ??? A gamble ... a very large and expensive gamble.
I am going to call the JP office on Monday and ask them what will happen to the hearing if the car is no longer in existence at that time. Is there still a reason to have the hearing.
Are we doing what is best? At this point, I really have no idea. I don't know what to think, what to feel, what to do or what to say.
I know that we feel violated. That we feel the car was stolen from us.
When we did everything we knew to be right and good ... and this happened.
We are shaken ...
But we still trust in God. We still praise His Name. We still believe His Word.
And in the words of Rascall Flatts - "maybe forgiveness will find us somewhere down the road".
October 08th, 2013
Joshua and Dessie went to work last Friday - working the sale at Dublin Livestock. Rick and I stayed here - so that we could be here for the grandkids after school, and to help Dessie with the chores and the house stuff.
We made "meat and taters" for supper on Friday night. That has been a favorite meal at our table for a lot of years. It all started when we lived on Dickey Prairie Road outside of Molalla, OR. We had a wood stove for heating, and one for cooking. One afternoon that was close to payday (meaning the cupboards were bare), Joshua asked what was for supper. I said I didn't know ... we got to looking around in the kitchen and we found a few potatoes and a pound of hamburger meat in the freezer. I browned the meat, adding salt and pepper, onion and garlic. While it was browning, I peeled and diced the potatoes - very small dicing. When the meat was browned, I added the potatoes and put enough water in there to cover the potatoes about 1/2 inch above. Kept the fire down low, and just let it all simmer until the potatoes were completely done. It smelled so good!!!
When we got ready to eat supper that night, we each had a serving of the meat and potatoes and a slice of bread. Joshua decided to add a spoon of mayo to his, and put it on the bread like a sandwich. Voila` a favorite meal at our table was born!!!
I have cooked many a pan of it over the years ... and as yet, no one has not liked it! LOL
And with the cold front moving thru late Friday night, the rains that came with it ... oh the "meat and taters" smelled so good simmering in a crock pot!!!
I also made Butter Chewy Cookies on Saturday morning while it rained and hailed ... fighting the grandkids and the son to stay out of the cookie batter!!! LOL
--Butter Chewy Cookies:
4 small eggs (or 2 large ones)
2 cups unpacked brown sugar
1 cup white sugar
Mix well ...
Add - 1 teaspoon vanilla (I used some of Dessie's REAL vanilla from Old Mexico, yummy!)
Stir in 1 teaspoon baking soda and 2 teaspoons baking powder.
Mix well until there are no lumps and the mixture is creamy.
This is where I add either 1 cup peanut butter, or 1 cup of peanut butter chips, or 1 cup chocolate chips, or 1 cup butterscotch chips. I have also added 1/2 cup chopped pecans, or 1/2 cup dry quick oats.
Then, I added 4 Tablespoons all purpose flour, stirred well to get the lumps out.
And I kept adding 4 Tablespoons all purpose flour and stirring well ... until it was a consistency that would stay on a spoon, but I could drop the cookies by spoonful onto a cookie sheet.
Watch closely in the oven - they will be cooking good, but if you leave them a moment too long, they will burn.
*this is my momma's standard cookie recipe. And if you want to roll the cookies into balls, just add a little more flour. If you want to roll the cookies out and cut them with cookie cutters, add a little more flour to make a stiff dough, turn out on a lightly floured surface, roll, and cut. Then bake.
It has been COLD here the last couple of nights and early mornings. BRRRRRR... when you are used to it being 85* in the mornings, then you feel 43*! OMW!!! So, I sit wrapped in a blanket or a quilt until the sun comes up good above the caprock in front of Joshua and Dessie's house.
I killed a 3-inch scorpion in the bathroom last night. I killed it! I didn't call for help - I killed it!!! LOL ... I am woman!!! LOL
Dessie and I are working on Joshua and Rick about getting the Internet in here. Rick said that if we are going to be here more thru the winter than at the house in SS - then maybe we should move our Dish TV and Dish Net. ??? I still have to call them, but I am waiting on a "final" answer from someone about it all.
And in the meantime, I write while here at the house ... and wait until we drive into town, stop at McDonald's and post to my blog. Which is better than nothing!!! LOL
But I miss all my Facebookers ... and the Coffee Club!!!
I have been working with Kyla on her math this year. She has started the regrouping and borrowing in subtraction. She just has not been able to understand it, has not been able to get the concept of it all.
Until last evening! =)
We were working on 2 math papers - one due today, and one not due until Thursday. And I realized what a major stumbling block she has been dealing with. The child did not realize, did not understand, that you could have the same answer to different problems, on the same page. 22-11=11 ... but 33-22=11, too!!! And 17-9=8 in problem #4, but also in problem #12!!! When she got that? Well, she GOT IT!!! LOL -- we hollered and laughed and even had a tear of joy or two!!! She wanted me to write a note to her math teacher telling her that Kyla GOT IT!!! So, you know what? I DID!!! I wrote a note to Ms. Craig and told her that Kyla GOT IT on the math concept. By the time we were 1/2 way thru the first math paper, she was doing the problems BY HERSELF!!! And getting the answers RIGHT!!!
And if you understood the struggles this child has been thru in school every year (except K), the wrestling with the homework and the tests and the teachers that we have all done with her, and for her ... if you could have seen the passion AGAINST school and learning in this child's eyes and heard the disgust for herself being "stupid" ... and then to see the light go on when she GOT IT!!! Oh my word!!! It was PRICELESS!!!
She was doing chores with her momma and brother last evening, but she was hurrying to get them done, because she WANTED TO FINISH HER HOMEWORK!!! She was excited! She enjoyed homework! And she couldn't wait till this morning to return to school and show her math teacher that SHE GOT IT!!!
When it was bedtime last night, she hugged and kissed everyone good night. When she came to me, she stood at my shoulder, just looking at me. And then, with absolute love and joy in her eyes, she leaned over and kissed me big on the cheek!!! Oh what a treasure!!!
Lord, I pray that this passion for learning, this excitement that Kyla has now will NEVER leave her!!! And may all the grandkids have a passion for learning, an excitement that overshadows the discouragements in life. May they always be looking at learning as a challenge!!! Never limited!
October 04th, 2013
Spent the majority of yesterday in town. Went to McDonald's - grabbed a drink and a snack, used their Wi-Fi. Paid some bills. Checked e-mails. Posted on Facebook and in my blog. On to the Dollar Store ... then to Wal-mart's. Finally got all the meds straightened out, with having to get them transferred to the Graham Wal-mart from the Sulphur Springs Wal-mart.
--as a side question ... I wonder why the pharmacy does not clear out old prescriptions that no longer have a refill on them??? It would make getting a newer script filled so much easier. I told the tech at the pharmacy yesterday that even I know there is a "delete" button on each computer. Sigh. (I was not in the best of places, so little patience as of late ... sigh.)
Came back to Joshua and Dessie's - groceries unloaded ... visited with the kids and grandkids a little ... sat out on the front porch enjoying the cool evening breeze.
Dessie fixed supper last night ... beans, bacon and tortillas with cheese and hot sauce. I wasn't hungry, so I didn't eat - it sure did look good and smell good, tho. But I know better with this irritated stomach and colon of mine - if I am not hungry, don't eat ... and certainly don't eat much at a time.
Rick and I spent some time talking before bed. We are both struggling with dealing with all that is going on in our lives.
When we have a "plan" of how our lives are going to be ... we never figure in the disappointments and discouragements. We don't make room for the sickness, or the times of want and need. So, when those times happen - we find ourselves really struggling and striving to find peace and calmness in the midst of the storm.
I am coming to the realization that the time to find peace and calmness is BEFORE the storm. That way, when the storm comes - we can confidently say, ALL IS WELL. Sigh.
Thinking that now is the time to just stop ... be still. Not necessarily to physically 'be still'. But to spiritually, emotionally and mentally 'be still'. Quit trying to figure things out. Quit worrying over it all, we are not dogs with a bone! Quit seeking the answers so much. Quit being so focused on all the negative things in our lives (or those things that appear so negative to our human eyes). Just to be still a while. Accept each day as it comes. Look for the laughter, the love, the life - looking for it as if looking for hidden treasures.
Maybe we won't have everything that we want. Nor everything that we 'think' we need. Maybe we won't be able to pay all our bills, or even some of them. Maybe the vehicles will not have fuel, or an abundance of fuel. Maybe there won't be groceries in the house, or the groceries that we want. But God has promised to meet all our needs according to His riches in glory thru Christ Jesus. So, perhaps it is time to lay down all these things - and just let God do what He deems best for us. No matter what - God is still God. And God is still good.
My legs, ankles and feet are swollen very badly. I didn't have one of my diuretics for about a week. (Got them filled again yesterday.) And yes, it is so hard to keep them wrapped - especially in this Texas heat! It's also hard to keep my feet up at all, let alone to keep them higher than my heart. I know that both are important - and I promise to do better. God, help me.
I don't feel very strong in myself to take care of me when I have no one that really supports and encourages me. But at the same time, I know that if I don't take care of me, there is no one else that will. And if I get down ... sigh.
Rick is doing good, so far. He says that he feels better. He is breathing better, not laboring for each breath the way he was when he had the fluid overload and the low blood count.
He still has the nerve pain in his hands and feet. And that pain makes it hard to walk, but walking is what the Dr has ordered for him.
Well, guess it is time to get up from here and get this day started. Dessie fed Monster before she left for work. The little bull calf that Joshua brought home from the sale barn about 3 weeks ago. She also put Lacey - her Blue Heeler pup - outside for a while this morning. Chickens have been turned out to the yard. Laundry is started. Dishwasher waits to be emptied and re-filled. With 6 people, 4 dogs, 4 horses, a bull calf, chickens ... plenty of chores to go round!!!
2 weeks ago we left Sulphur Springs and started out to Joshua's in Graham. We were coming into McKinney on Hwy 380 and the car felt like we had hit a "rub board" place in the road. Well, there was road construction all around, so we didn't think much about it. Just a moment later, the car was like Rick had shifted into neutral - no momentum to go, but sounding like the car was being revved up. ??? Rick said that he didn't know what was going on, but we were fixing to be stranded. Sigh. We coasted about 3 miles, and just as the car was beginning to slow down to the point that we knew we were going to be on the side of the road - Rick said, "What is that company there?" We were almost to their driveway. I looked out my window and read the sign, "Sprouse Automotive, McKinney, TX" - we felt like it was a literal God-send!!! We coasted into the driveway, but because the shop sat on a slight incline above the road, we were stuck in the gate! The owner, David, came out, talked to Rick - Rick explained what happened. David got a small tractor, and chained to the car, pulled us into the yard. He looked at the car a little, said that it might be the transmission. But that he was so far behind it would be a week and half before he could even look at the car.
Rick said that was fine. But we would need to find an Enterprise Rent-a-Car so that we could get our stuff unloaded and go on out to our son's house (which is where his pick up was). David said for us to see the girl in the office, that she would help us.
We go into the office. Talk to her. She found the phone number for Enterprise, the one that was closest to her shop - I was unfamiliar with the area. I called them, arranged to rent a pickup truck. Enterprise told us that they would send someone to pick us up and let us come into the office and get the truck, filling out the paperwork. Fine. I told the lady in the office at Sprouse Automotive what was going on. She said "Fine". Rick asked her how long before they could look at the car. She told Rick that due to a mechanic quitting that day at lunch, that it would be at least a week and a half. Rick said that was fine, because obviously we weren't going anywhere in the car.
Enterprise showed up, asked for "the McCoy's" - we left the office, walking out to his car. This lady in the office of the shop, called to me - I had left my pink planner on her desk. I told her thank you - and that we would be right back to get our stuff out of the car. She said that was "fine".
25 minutes later, we pulled into the parking lot of Sprouse Automotive, and found our car sitting on the back of a tow truck - impounded!!! ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
I went into the office and asked her what was going on - she said that David told her to call the tow truck because we had left and she didn't know where we went, when or if we were coming back. ??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
The tow truck driver said he was only doing his job, and I said, "I understand. But what you don't understand is that my husband is a dialysis patient and his machine is in that car! I have to have it before tonight!!! Plus, our meds, our clothes, even our food - all in the car." He said he was sorry, but it was his job. All the stress, I lost it. I just started crying, and crying. He said, "Lady, calm down. You can get your stuff out of the car." So, in the heat of a late summer day, I unloaded the car and transferred everything over to the rental truck. Sigh.
The tow truck driver told us that he was taking the car to the impound yard, and that we could call them the next day. Gave us a card, and drove away.
Now, think about it - the owner of the shop pulled our car into his yard, parked it where it was, knowing full well that it was not going to be moved without being pulled. Then, his claim as to why he had it impounded was that Rick had left it in the way and his customers didn't have room to drive around our car. ??????????????? But where he pulled us was to the side of his shop, and it wasn't like a drive-thru area either. Sigh.
Many questions to the owner of Sprouse Automotive later, we drive away - continue out to Joshua and Dessie's.
We were in shock of it all ... no understanding ... no explanations ... sigh. Just looking at one another is unbelief.
We have been all over these great United States of America. We have had car/truck troubles in a lot of these states - all hours of the day and night. NEVER have we been treated with such cold indifference or rudeness!!!
And if we had not told the owner, David, nor the lady in the office what was going on? Well, we could understand the impounding then. But, to be in such honest communication with them? To even verbally commit to allowing them to do the repair work on the car? To leave the key in the car? Sigh ...
We have been out at Joshua & Dessie's the last couple of weeks (no Internet yet). Enjoying the kids and grandkids. Laughing. Loving. Living.
Rick has spent countless hours on the phone with mechanics - talking with them about what could be wrong with the car ... and the "thought" (without looking at the car yet) is that the CV joint has broken on one side. Which is not good, but a lot better than if the transmission has gone out. The CV joint will cost approx. $200, where the transmission would be approx. $1200!!! So, we hope and we pray that it is nothing worse than the CV joint.
He has also spent hours on the phone with the Tow Company that impounded our car (at the request of the owner of Sprouse Automotive in McKinney, TX). The Tow Company's owner's wife told Rick that they were going to take $125 off of the initial tow - that she and her husband had talked the situation over and even they didn't understand why this had happened. So, we are thankful for that kindness.
Rick talked to a lawyer, and was counseled to go ahead and get the car out of impound, paying all fees. Then, file an appeal of "No-Tow". If we find favor with the JP and win this appeal, we will have the monies returned to us. (PLEASE pray that we will find favor and will be returned the money!!!)
However, the first order of business is to get the car out of impound. And we sit and we wait on the money to do this. With every day another $22 being added to the total for storage fees. The National Kidney Foundation pays Rick what he has to pay for his insurance premiums thru work - and that reimbursement check is due in any day now. Kathy (Rick's social worker) said that it should be here between October 3 and October 10. So, we wait for the phone call from her that the check waits on us. Joshua has found us a trailer we can rent for about $100 to go and get the car, towing it ourselves to the auto shop in Graham. (Plus fuel to drive 150 miles one way in a diesel pickup.)
So, yes ... sigh upon sigh ... living isn't much fun at times like this. A test and trial of fire for our faith (and our marriage) that is for sure.
I find it a great struggle not to worry about the money for milk and bread and meds. Sigh. Rick has been out of his phosphorus binders now for about a week ... out of his blood pressure meds today. I have been out of one of my meds for about a week now, and my left leg is swelling horribly, as well as the left leg is now weeping. Sigh. My legs were doing so much better, so this is very discouraging (and painful) for me to deal with.
God's promise is that He will meet all our needs according to His riches in glory thru Christ Jesus. Yet, we sit here with a list of what seems to me to be legitimate needs ... and we lack. So, my question is -- are these truly "needs"? Or are they just "wants"? And if they are truly "needs" then where are God's riches for us? But if they are only "wants" - how do we do without? Sigh.
We are so blessed in so many ways. And for those blessings we give thanks. Upon those blessings we struggle to focus.
However, when the storms and fires of life are threatening to overwhelm us - all we can do is Cry Out to Jesus!!!
Jesus, help us please!!!
I rescheduled all our doctor appointments.
Everyone was understanding - well, with the exception of Fresinius in Paris. And the nurse I talked to was insistent that we come in this week. I told her that it would cost well over $100 for us to drive there from here, which we didn't have. And that we couldn't "catch a ride" - cause no one we knew from here was going to Paris. Sigh. We are doing all we can do!!! I am very concerned about Rick - even if she did talk to me like I didn't care!!! I watch him, sometimes over-watching him, cause I irritate him with my care and worry. I know that his blood was low in September, and he had to have those iron IV's - and so, yes, I understand how important it is for him to have his blood rechecked to see how it is doing now. But what am I supposed to do? I cannot get there from here at this time. And I cannot manufacture a way to get there. Sigh.
He is scheduled to go into the dialysis center on October 23.
He is to see the ortho doctor on his shoulder October 30.
And we are driving to Houston the afternoon/evening of October 30 - my appointments at MD Anderson is set for October 31st.
Pray for us that all is good with our bodies thru all this. Pray for us please.
So why "Scattered Feathers" ? ? ?
You can read it here