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Time for a reset ... and coffee!!!

4/17/2012

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Thanking God for His watch care and protection over us on this trip. Lot of miles. Lots of storms.
And He has delivered us safely to the house. :-)

Today is to be a day of cleaning and going thru stuff - the truck only has so much space ... and after living in it for the last 10 days or so ... well, it needs to be cleaned! LOL

So much calls to be done today ... overwhelmed does not fully describe how I feel this morning. Overwhelmed almost to the point of doing nothing. Ever feel that way? I do. I really struggle at times with it. If I can't get it all done - then why even start and try? I know ... little by little. But there are times that the one step forward and two steps back just takes more drive and energy than what I have! Sigh.

I am wondering just how much of "me" to put on here ... I have already been more open and honest than what I feel totally comfortable with sometimes. But, in a lot of ways - I have held so much back. Which is the reason that there are large gaps occasionally in the times that I write here.
Course, I wonder if it really matters. Cause if no one reads it ...
who will ever know what I write ... and who will care. Sigh.
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Storms ... no like!

4/15/2012

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We left Ft. Morgan, CO yesterday around noon. Drove about 3 hours. Started hearing on the CB about bad weather ahead of us. Checked all the weather on the Internet ....
Rick decided to stop at the Flying J in North Platte, NE. We thought we would be avoiding the worst of the storms.
Plan didn't work!
Less than hour after we parked, we were ushered into the hallway with everyone else - because a tornado had been reported on the ground and headed straight for the Flying J!
We waited until the "all clear" was given ....
Came out - no damage to be seen.
Stepped outside and could hear the warning sirens going off in town - just a couple of miles from the Flying J.
Storms continued for about 6 hours.
We watched the weather closely .... and continue to do so today.

Praying for all those in the paths of these massive and violent storms!!!

***
Rick said that once he got this load of cream to Winnsboro, that he would need to take a 34 hour reset.
Guess I will be cleaning the truck, doing laundry, balance the checkbook, phone calls, pay bills, restocking the truck ... not exactly a "down-time" .... but things that must be done nevertheless.
Sigh.

***
I am beyond ready for some "momma and grannee" time with our kids and grandkids! More than just an hour or two as we are passing thru.
Oh, I know - everyone has their jobs, school, friends, other family, homes .... but I want so much to be a part of it all with them!
My spirit grieves. My heart aches. My mind and emotions torment me.
Sigh.

***
Lord God - protect us. Keep us safe.
Help me to trust in you.
In Jesus' Name ....
thank you.
i love you.
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April 14, 2012 ... 

4/14/2012

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Well, we finally made it over the Crud! 
Took Dr. Arneke's advice and got on Zyrtec. What a difference that made after only 3 days!!! All the "junk" started drying up and we were feeling almost 100% better!!! 
We have been on it now for about 3 weeks, and as good as we continue to feel? Gonna stay on it! 
Allergies still kick in sometimes ... and occasionally there is still the coughing and gagging - but so much less than before! Worth every penny!!! 

***
Life on the road isn't easy - and certainly not easy when it comes to monitoring blood pressure and blood sugar. Not easy to eat right, and not easy to exercise. 
(Which all works together against my mind -- making me question God if this is really where we are supposed to be, and what we are supposed to be doing ... sigh.)

We are trying to make the better choices of what to eat - and what not to eat. We slip and stumble some. Eating more from convenience and lack of time to do anything else. 
Finding out that to eat healthy is a lot more expensive! Course, it is worth it ... just saying it gets frustrating and discouraging at times. 

We are taking time out of the job to walk some - even if it is just around the truck stops or at Wal-mart. Parking farther from the door than we used to usually. 

It's hard to drink enough water to keep hydrated - simply because bathrooms are not as accessible out here ... usually 2 or 3 hours between breaks. So, we are learning when to drink and how much. 

Sigh. 

And, it's not just dealing with the kidney damage, nor gout, not even just the high blood pressure and diabetes. 

Rick has arthritis and injuries. 
I have arthritis and injuries. 
We both struggle with a lot of pain and discomfort. 

I am going thru the "change" - and for me personally, it is hell on the road! (I'm sorry - but just being honest.) 
Horrible periods (sorry if that is tmi for some - but it is a fact of this life). Which makes riding worse ... and the roughness of the loads and the roads makes the periods worse. And it makes finding a bathroom more critical at times. Sigh. 

I also have gall-bladder problems ... but not prepared at this time for surgery. It may come to that at some point, but for now - we simply cannot afford it. So, I have to be extra-careful with what I eat, how much and when. 

My feet and ankles and legs swell horribly at times. Seems that they hardly ever go down any more. Makes getting in and out of the truck more difficult. And makes walking more painful. 

We both have dental needs - which also causes pain and discomfort. And makes us to be a bit more choosey in what we can eat at times. Rick said the other day that if my mouth keeps on being like it is (my teeth are brittle and break, have to be pulled) - that it might be easier on me in the long run to just have all my teeth pulled and get dentures. It has been a thought and consideration for a while. We continue to think and to pray about it. 

So, yes ... life on the road with health issues is a challenge! 
But, we breathe in and we breathe out. 
Praying every day, every step of the way. 
Trusting in the Lord. 
Asking for His wisdom and guidance. 
Depending on the prayers of others as well.
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Some momma and grannee thoughts ...

4/14/2012

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First of all - a shout out to my son ... HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
I am so thankful for the blessing and joy of being his momma!!! I am proud of the man he has become and continues to become. Rejoicing that he knows our Father in heaven and walks with Him. Joshua is a good husband, a good daddy, and a "perfect" son. :-) I love him!!!

***
I have been doing a LOT of thinking and praying these last few days … just trying to deal with this life of being on the road. 
It’s not easy. 

I miss my kids and grandkids – especially at the holidays. Just want to be with them so much!!! Needing some “momma” and “grannee” time!!! Time when we aren’t rushed to get back
on the road. 
 
I realize that this is the life we have – and we have to find a
way to make the best of it … I’m trying … I’m praying! 
 
*There are those that say we have a “choice” in what we do … maybe so – to some degree. 
But at this stage in our life, and with the economy as it is --- truck driving seems to be the answer. Not so much our "choice" as what is available ... 
 
I’m really not having a pity party – just trying to face reality …  
Rick is 52 years old. Not in the best of health.
He has a lot of sales experience, but he isn’t in “demand” … either over qualified, or not young enough. Companies mostly
want someone who has a “degree” … sigh. 

We have lived our lives thru all these years with him working and me staying at home. Me taking care of the kids and the house. When we first got married, he said that he would make the living, if I would make the living worthwhile – and
that is exactly what I dedicated my heart and soul to do … for him, for our kids, for anyone who came to our house. 
 
All through the years, Rick and I talked about the time in our life when the kids would be grown and living their lives, how that it would be the time for “US” … to basically do what we wanted, go where we wanted, enjoy life. 
 
Then, LIFE happens. Loss of job ... moves ... loss of health to a great degree ...
And now? 
 
If I stay at home, we will be apart far more than we will be together. And besides– what will I do with all those hours alone? I spent a lifetime being a wife and a momma. A homemaker for my family. Very few days of working outside the home. It was our choice. A good choice for us. Maybe it wouldn't work for everyone - but it worked for us ... 
until now ... 

And if I go with him, well, life isn’t easy or perfect on the road either. 
Sigh.
 
So, I think and I pray a LOT …. 
Mostly- 
Lord, move. 
Or move me. 

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And once again ... catching up ... sigh.

4/14/2012

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Well, I have a thousand “reasons” as to why I am once again
behind … but none are plausible enough to write here. Only excuses. 

We have been on the road every day … some days have been good, some bad, and some just so-so. 
All of them seeming to work together against my body, my mind and my spirit. Sigh. 

We did get a 34 hour reset this last week in Winslow, AZ – but as tired as I was, I didn’t even open my computer! Just vegged out … sigh. 
  
Anyway –this trip has taken us from Sulphur Springs, TX to Clovis/Portales, NM to Tulare, CA to Hull, IA and now to Ft. Morgan, CO ... once loaded here we will be headed for Winnsboro, TX. 
 
Traveling thru the beautiful state of Arizona … 
Not so hard to worship the Lord our God …. To see His handiwork all about us … the mountains, the valleys, the trees, the deserts, a land of contrasts … Easter morning and to see the sun come up and lightly kiss the snow-capped mountain peaks … How Great Thou Art!!! How great is our God! 
 
Can’t say the same about California. I’m sorry. I know that
there are a lot of beautiful places in California – I’ve done research! LOL … but where we have been? Not much more than the desert. And although the desert has its own beauty and mystic charm … you get tired of it after so long! (Or at least, Rick and I did! I’m sorry.)
For Rick - the hardest part of going to California is the 55 mph speed limit for trucks vs. the 70 mph speed limit for cars. LOL He is NOT patient at those times!!! So, I get to "hear" a LOT about it!!!

Went thru the corner of Nevada – and downtown Las Vegas. No, we did not “drop a quarter” – just drove thru and got out of that crazy traffic!
Goodness!
 
Drove across Utah – I loved the mountains, the valleys, the
trees, the rivers … Rick did too, and would have liked it better if it hadn’t slowed him down so much! He can usually average around 600-700 miles in a 10 hour day … but that day – it was about 500 miles in 13 hours! Average speed was around 40 mph … he was NOT a very happy trucker! LOL 
 
Across Wyoming … been across there so many times the last few years! Still enjoyed the tunnel at Green River, and the mountain between Laramie and Cheyenne J. I am a SUCKER for tunnels! LOL 
 
Nebraska … Iowa … on to Colorado. The prairie lands of America. Just to think about all the pioneer settlers saw and went thru to cross these open spaces! 

Color me tired and sore!!! Goodness. 
 
 

 
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Hold me Jesus ... 

4/4/2012

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God, of all that you are - right now in my life ... just that you don't change. 
You are the same yesterday, today and forever. 
How much that means to me in the midst of all these changes. 
I NEED your stability.

I can't say that I always understand or agree with the way our life goes - but I can honestly say - 
"Blessed be Your Name. You give and You take away. Still I will say - BLESSED BE YOUR NAME."

Thank you for fear. 
And that  you do not condemn us when we are afraid. 
Instead your Word says that "when I am  afraid, I will call on the Name of the Lord" ... 
so thank you for fear. 
It drives me forward in faith, and makes me cry out to you. 

Thank you too that it is ok to wonder where you are in the darkness. 
Even the heroes of our faith have questioned and wondered. 
You just patiently listened and answered. 
Thank you. 

I don't like what is happening in our life, in Rick's body. 
I want my "world", my "nest", all safe and sound and secure. 
I don't like all this!!! 
But, help me to surrender to your care and your love. 
Submit to you. 

If for whatever reason this is where you want us - at least for now - then, help me to accept it and trust in Jesus. 
Help me to find your way thru it all and make the best of it. 
Not to miss one blessing that can be turned back to praise to you. 
My spirit grieves. 
My heart hurts. 
My mind is busy and stressed.
Help me, O help me - to trust in Jesus. 
Help me to remember that I don't live by feelings. 
Dissolve "me" away, until only YOU remain ... 
So that I can live by faith in the Son of God of loved me and gave Himself for me. 
Sometimes I just have to LET IT GO. 
LET GOD BE GOD.
BREATHE IN AND BREATHE OUT. 
TRUST IN JESUS.

Father, help me to leave the battles with you.
The battle against guilt and condemnation. 
The battle with the ghosts of regrets and mistakes that haunt and torment.  
The battle even with the "good ghosts" of memories past. 
The battle with "hopes deferred" and dreams that die. 
The battle that wages in my mind and in my heart ... 
All of which leads to a battle in just breathing and living. 
The battle with fears and worries ...
With second guessing choices and decisions ...
No matter the "root" of the battle - 
Help me please.
Just to give it all to you. 
Leave it all with you.
Let it all go. 
Trust in you.
Stand on the Promises that you have already WON!!! 
It's all too much for me anyway! 
Just too much.
Psalm 131

O God - Abba Father - 
You are all GOD.
And I am such a child. 
But ... I am YOURS. 
All Yours. 
Thank you. 
I love you. 
Be my Strong Defender, my Great Deliverer today. 
Please. 

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    So why "Scattered Feathers" ? ? ? 

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​
God is God over the storms in my life & world -
and I am His.
Trusting in Him. Holding to His Promises as He holds me.

​
Learning to laugh, to love, & to live ... again - without Rick, but with God

Life goes on ... even when we don't want it to.

Great grief is indicative of a great Love.

Rick, my Sweetheart.
Margaret, his Beloved.
Always & Forever.
​
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©Margaret McCoy, the Queen of Kamelot Coffee 
  • Coffee Love
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  • My Recipe Book
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    • Desserts - oh my!
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