I watched the pilot episode for The Beverly Hillbillies this morning.
Made me smile, made me laugh.
Not only just for the show itself but reminding me of how Rick called me his "hillbilly".
I was born and raised just 7 miles outside of Sulphur Springs, TX.
And just 3 miles from where Rick was raised.
But, we lived a life like my ancestors lived.
The first flushing toilet I saw was when I started 1st grade, with Mrs. Pogue.
I needed to potty, raised my hand and she said I could go.
I went outside.
She came after me asking me where I was going - "I am going to the outhouse".
She smiled, took me by the hand and led me to the restroom.
Turned the light on, which scared me.
Then she shut the door.
I was so scared, I just stood there and cried.
She heard me, opened the door, and then knelt down to hug me.
When she realized that I had NO idea what to do in there - she closed the door and helped me.
I jumped when the potty flushed, and I was very confused about where the water came from when she had me wash my hands.
The way she took time and cared for me, meant so much, still does.
Daddy and Momma got running water when I was about 10 and we got electricity when I was about 12.
No more going to the outhouse or using the pee-pot in the night!
No more lighting coal oil lanterns to see after dark!
And we had a shower, which totally terrified me at first!
But no more Saturday night baths only in the #3 wash tub on the kitchen floor!
Soon after, daddy and momma got a propane stove - I could not understand where to put the wood!
It was a miracle to me to be able to simply turn on a burner!
We grew, picked and canned (or froze) all our vegetables and fruits.
Killed our chickens every October.
It was Momma who would wring their necks, and I would wait till they stopped running around - go pick them up, we hung them up and plucked feathers.
Killed our hogs the first of November.
Processed the meat.
The only meat taken to the locker was the beef, one per year.
We ate meat on Sunday's.
Vegetables the rest of the week.
It was my job to draw up water from the cistern and water all of the gardens (3 of them) and the fruit trees (lost count on those).
Momma and I quilted in the wintertime, as she would let down the quilting frames from the ceiling. That was the story times.
Oh how I miss her stories!
Sometimes her sisters, Aunt Ola and Aunt Ollie, would come down and help.
I remember a few times when they were there together - those were amazing times!
The first color TV set I saw was when I was 18, spending a Sunday afternoon at Rick's parents house - and Rick turned the TV on.
We had gotten a black and white set a couple of years before, but when he turned the color set on?
I thought something was wrong with it!
Rick took me out to eat at a restaurant for the time - Bonanza Steakhouse.
I didn't even have to wash dishes after eating!
So many things I knew about our way of life . . .
and so many things I did not know about how others lived.
Rick would tease me, and give me some "edumaction lessons" lol
I have talked to many people older than me - and they were raised this way.
But few who are my age (61) were.
Their grandparents lived like this, and many have memories of going to their homes for a day, or a weekend, maybe a week in the summer.
Rick said if you looked in the dictionary for "East Texas hillbilly" you would find my picture! LOLOLOL
So, watching this episode was sweet to my heart today.
Summer of 2022 was a difficult time for me.
Living in the RV, enduring the brutal heat.
Watching thru the storms that seemed to relentlessly roll thru. Hiding out in the RV park bathroom, or curled up in my recliner just breathing. Many times finding myself in the truck just moments before driving over to Joshua's for safety. Always watching the radar.
Add to the storms and the heat, an abscessed tooth! What I thought was a sinus/ear infection, turned out to be one of the worst abscesses I have ever had! When I finally found a dentist who was willing to work with me, he took the x-rays, pushed on it a couple of times, and out it came! Dentist said that the abscess was so bad that my whole jaw was infected, and it was going up into my sinuses, as well as down into the lymph nodes of my neck! The tooth was very literally floating in the abscess. From start to finish it was almost 2 months solid.
Just about the time the infection was gone from my jaw, a UTI from the pits of hell hit me. 90* degrees in the RV, my temp at better than 100*, and I was shaking, shivering, and feeling like I was sitting in a tub of ice water!
- antibiotics, enough water to float the Titanic drank, and finding out that lemonade works wonders for a UTI . . . 3 weeks later, I could breathe without doubling over in pain.
I did make a trip to SS to see my daughter and granddaughter, and to go to my Momma's family reunion, in mid-June. Enjoyed that so much - it was before the brutal heat, before the abscess, before the UTI. I am so glad that I went - especially as all these things began to hit me from every side.
2 puppies found me in September & October. Were they dumped? Were they abandoned? Not sure. I tried to keep them both, but the boy was so aggressive to the little girl, and to me, that it became apparent he needed a new home. Hopefully one where he was the only fur-baby. A lady in town took him. (I think about him a lot these days, wondering how he is.)
The little girl, I named "Coffee". I was drinking coffee when she found me, and she was about the color of my coffee. She was such a precious little thing. I enjoyed the time with her - about 3 weeks. We were sitting outside one day, letting her play in her pen, and I stepped back into the house for a moment. While inside, I heard the most awful noise - I raced to the door thinking that something had gotten in the playpen with her. Sadly, no. She was having a massive seizure, and it lasted for almost 30 minutes. According to the vet, there was nothing I could have done, and nothing to be done now. Her little body (she weighed less than 2 pounds) just would not be able to recover. She died about 2 hours later.
How does the heart get so wrapped up in a fur-baby when it's only been 3 weeks?
I cried for 3 days, and still, these months later, if I think too much on her, the tears stream hotly down my cheeks.
Rest easy, Coffee.
You were so loved.
Once the little house became available to me, I spent time going thru stuff, and packing at the RV. As well as cleaning the little house and watching as projects there were accomplished and it became time to move.
The RV sold for the same price as what I had purchased it for. The $2000 that I had spent on it, was not recovered. BUT - the money it brought, did pay my truck completely off. I got back less than $1 when the loan was closed out! LOL
Feels good to have that paid, with no payments due!
My cousin, Paul, died in October. I made another trip to SS to see my daughter and granddaughter the weekend of Paul's service.
Time with the family before, during and after the service.
Then, time with my sweet daughter and granddaughter. Found out that I am going to be a Great-Grannee early June 2023!!!
Thanksgiving came, Christmas went.
The Siberian Express moved thru and we endured frozen pipes and cold temps for about 5 days.
2023 entered quietly for me.
2 weeks of being sick with the creeping crud.
Then a round of colitis, which seems to take longer and longer to recover from the older I get!
And here it is - January 25, 2023.
There are moments where time seems to drag . . . and then, it flies!
Momma used to talk about how crazy time was - course, back then, as a child? I thought my Momma was crazy! LOL - I need to apologize to her.
I am going to do better at working on this website, and keeping up with this blog.
Will it ever be something that someone else reads? Or that will help someone else?
Only Heaven knows.
But - I know this, it helps ME.
And right now - I need all the help I can get!
Whew! I am just a tad bit overwhelmed with trying to catch up -
but I will try to make it read as easy as possible. In spite of my mind being a jumbled mess! LOL
I am no longer in the RV.
When I purchased it, I knew that it needed work.
I did not realize how extensive, or expensive, the work would be.
I had a little money saved from the time of working as a caregiver.
Figured it would be just about enough to get the RV comfortable.
I was wrong.
It needed more work than what I could do alone.
It needed more money than what I had saved.
I had some help to get it where I could live in it.
A few people gave from their hearts to help me with the costs.
However, 5 months later, I had to face the harsh reality that this RV was too much for me.
I sat in the living room area, looking around, and cried.
Sobbed great tears of grief, frustration, aggravation and absolute confusion as to what to do now.
After spending the time, and the money - I was worn out, exhausted, and broke.
I looked around at rental places.
No way for me to afford any of them.
I spent hours upon hours searching for a job.
Fuel used even as the fuel costs were screaming louder and louder.
I looked at live-in job situations.
Made lists of all that I can do.
Updated my resume.
Since I am 61 years old, and physically limited - I cannot get on my knees, nor can I climb ladders - as well as being financially limited on what I can make per month due to the widow benefit's . . . no one wanted to hire me.
If they would work with me physically, then they wanted me to work more hours and make more money in a month than what I am allowed.
For 6 months, day after day, week after week - frustration and discouragement.
One brick wall after another.
Finally, I told my kids that I was just going to stop.
Stop looking for another place - be it house, rv, or apartment.
Stop looking for a job.
Just going to breathe thru the winter.
Make the best of where I am.
Make do with what I have.
And go back to the basics of doing without as needed.
Just about 2 weeks after this "stopping" -
I was asked to help a friend clean a rental house.
It was a small house, and empty.
Wouldn't take more than just 1 day to clean the walls and the floors.
I walked into this house, and literally - fell in love.
Rick always said that he believed houses had souls.
That they breathed.
That they lived.
That they felt joy, and sorrow.
Perhaps he was right.
When I walked into this house, there was a sadness.
But as I started scrubbing the walls, cleaning up the floors, wiping down the cabinets
- there was a lifting of the heaviness that I felt when I walked in.
The more I cleaned, the deeper in love I fell.
As I was cleaning one bedroom, I said out loud -
"I hope whoever gets you will take care of you, and give you the laughter and joy that you deserve!"
When the most of the work was done, and I was standing there with the owner just talking
- I was asked what I thought about the house.
"It could be absolutely adorable!"
"This house has a character about it!"
And then, I was asked if I thought I could live here.
Before answering, I thought and weighed my words.
"Yes. Absolutely. Except for the rental cost. I have been pricing rental houses smaller than this, and not in as good of shape as this one - I know what those are. From $800 - $1200 a month! There is just no way."
The owner, took a deep breath.
And offered it to me at an unbelievable amount.
I called my son and asked him to come take a look, see what he thought about the house.
I also wanted him to meet the owner, and just verify for me that I was hearing his offer correctly!
I accepted his offer.
Signed a year's lease, and am moved in.
This little house has 2 bedrooms, 1 bath.
It's about 750 sq ft, maybe.
One large room that is the kitchen, living room, laundry room.
Double pane windows on all windows.
An entryway to help with coming in out of the cold north wind of winter.
Sitting on 1/2 acre of land.
Has a beautiful peach tree in the back yard.
There is a barn, and a 2 car carport.
And it is only about 5 miles outside of town!
Down a dead-end road, with only about 5 houses on the road.
I am excited at this change.
There is so much that I will miss about living in an RV.
But to be honest?
The greatest thing that I miss about living in an RV is the times that Rick and I were doing this together.
He had his things outside that he handled, and I handled the things inside.
I sit here and wonder if I will ever live in an RV again.
And I don't know.
If the RV was newer, in better shape - would that make a difference?
Not sure at this point in my life.
Perhaps I just need a bit more "roots" - to hold me in place during these violent Texas storms that roll thru so often.
I have already had people wanting me to set up a gofund me account so that they can help me with what I need.
But for now, I have PayPal.
My address there is firstname.lastname@example.org
I am not asking for help - but years ago, I learned not to say "no" to anyone who wanted to help either.
I don't want to block someone's blessings.
Yes, Life . . .
. . . it's all about changes.
Everyone has an off day
One of those days when you feel lost
Not really sad,
Certainly not angry
Not really discouraged
Not even frustrated
Is this the way the body catches up to the emotions?
Or maybe the emotions are catching up to the body?
To the mind?
The last week or so have been days of great introspection.
Lots of thoughts, realizations, processing all of that.
My heart is heavy with people that I love and care about – burdened for them, wanting to fix life . . . and knowing that I cannot.
All I can do is pray.
Cry out to Jesus for them.
And yet, as much as that is – it sure doesn’t seem like enough.
Not right now.
Not in this.
News headlines are weighing on my mind.
Is this world a worse place than it has ever been?
Or is it simply because of social media we are right there when it all happens now?
There was a time, even in my lifetime, that we didn’t get the news until it was pretty much done and over.
But these days?
It’s so much like we are in the middle of it all – no matter how bad it is.
The weather is on my mind much.
Whether the brutal heat of this past summer, or the Siberian Express that rolled thru in late December 2022, even the changing weather with this front coming thru since early morning today.
I think about the elderly and the sick.
I think about the homeless.
I think about the men and women who are out working in the weather, for US.
Whether law officers, firefighters, emt’s, road workers, those who work on our utilities.
I think about the farmers and ranchers.
The stock workers.
For whatever reason they are out there, working.
Maybe the feelings of being off centered, lost and empty today just has to do with all of this.
Maybe I just need a something to drink, and a long nap.
Maybe I just need my kids and grandkids for a little while – some laughter, some hugs and kisses, some family time.
Maybe I need a good book that will grab and hold my attention, to get my focus off of all this.
Maybe a movie that will somehow touch laughter deep in my weary soul.
Being alone wears on a person.
Or at least it does on me.
I can handle it for a few days.
But when it goes beyond a few days at a time?
Yeah, I need PEOPLE time.
Eyes to look into.
Eyes to see me.
Voices for my ears to hear.
Ears to hear my voice.
A handshake, a forehead kiss, a hug, a touch on the shoulder.
Skin gets hungry.
And the lack of touch HURTS.
I need to have a Reminder that there is some kind of witness to my life.
At least ever so often.
I sit here this afternoon, almost 3:30 pm.
And these thoughts race thru my head – just like they have been doing since I woke up much earlier this morning.
It’s a weird sensation.
This feeling so very lost and empty.
It’s more than loneliness.
I don’t feel that lonesome right now.
It’s more than a physical pain.
Even though the changing weather brings a sharpness to the arthritis pain.
It’s more than emotional or mental distress.
I don’t even feel in distress!
I am concerned.
Because I care.
And I find that I cry out to Jesus a lot on days like this!
But I am not twisting my hands in worry, nor cowering in a corner because of fear.
I don’t have a sense of purpose and direction today.
Maybe that’s a better way to describe this being lost and empty. ? ? ?
Oh I have plenty to do!
I have a list of things to do that seems to be a mile long – maybe more!
And it’s not that I don’t want to do these things.
But where is the direction?
What do I start on?
What do I do next?
Nothing seems to be making any sense today.
Is this a recurrence of the widow’s fog?
That’s kinda what it feels like.
Nothing making sense.
Almost like just going thru the motions.
Or being outside my own body and seeing myself going thru the motions.
How do I explain this to anyone when I don’t understand it?
God, would YOU just hold me?
I could use a few minutes being held.
I think there comes a time in everyone’s life when we must face our past, deal with the regrets, and move forward.
We all have regrets.
Some of them are haunting.
Some can actually terrorize us to the point of panic and despair.
In my struggle to face a past that I deeply regret, and striving to move forward into a hopefully better future, I am finding being honest is the best way - - but also very hard.
Also finding that 2nd guessing myself seems to be the way of life right now.
Is that right?
Is that wrong?
Or is that just normal while going thru this self-introspection?
Some regrets are so small that it’s mostly like a mosquito buzzing around on a warm summer’s evening.
Some, well, it’s more like a raging river that threatens to take everything in its path along for the wild ride!
My time spent in Kentucky – that’s the wild river ride of regrets for me.
I was so new in my grief as a widow.
Had only been a widow of a few months when the decision was made to travel from Texas to Kentucky.
For the express purpose of helping a friend with his granddaughter, after the death of his wife.
I had no idea just how much missing my kids and grandkids, would affect me – and even more so as I watched him interact with his own kids and granddaughter.
I had no idea how lost I would feel, how overwhelming alone I would be, in a place where I did not know the area, or the people.
Rick and I had moved and traveled for almost 35 years.
It never dawned on me, until I was in Kentucky, that this was not the same!
Being there without him was almost more than my heart and mind could bear!
I did not realize how heavy the burden would weigh on my mind, my heart, my emotions, to be entrusted to care for someone else’s grandchild.
To walk with them thru a time of great health change.
When I had been accused of not caring for my husband good enough to save his life, it was heavy indeed to have someone so young placed in my care to help them adjust to health changes.
To not be in Texas when my sister was diagnosed with cancer, to be here to walk with her, talk with her, and just simple BE here – my heart was broken all over again.
And with every memory of being in Kentucky, the list of regrets grew, and continues to grow in spurts even now.
If there is one good memory of being in Kentucky, there are at least 4 bad memories attached to that one good memory.
I did not realize how deeply it would affect, and hurt, my children and my grandchildren for me to go, and to be there longer than what was intended.
I went with the idea of being there 2-6 weeks only.
I was there for about 3 ½ years!
Vehicle issues, money problems, and more all combined to make me feel stuck.
Well, not so much “stuck” as to clearly hear the words that Rick had said so often thru the years – “when you make your bed, you must lie in it. At least until you can get yourself out of it!”
Then came the time when others decided I was a problem there, and that I needed to leave.
Which turned out to be the greatest Godsend of my life!
God knew that I needed that kick in the butt 😉 and while it hurt, I am over the moon thankful for it!
I have been back in Texas since November 2019.
Is it silly I wonder to be counting the days to that mark + 1 day, when I will have been in Texas longer than I was there?
Like that will be some magical day?
Where the bad memories flood away?
I wonder if forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road of life?
The Bible tells me that God can take all things, work them together and make something good out of it.
I really want to believe those words.
I really want to pin my hope on that promise.
And if He can, if He will?
I know that the broken road of my life has brought me to where I am today.
Sitting here at this computer.
With a lot of thoughts, contemplations, ideas, wonderings, and prayers.
Not a day goes by that I don’t pray for our children and our grandchildren to forgive me for making them to feel even for one heartbeat that not only did they lose their daddy and p-paw that day, but just a few months later, they lost me.
And while I pray for their forgiveness, I pray also that they will NEVER understand.
Because in order to understand, they would have to walk in my steps – and Lord only knows how much I don’t want that to happen!!!
Another regret that I must face and spar with – working for a company where I was a caregiver in a resident home.
While I loved my clients, the hours that I was required to work not only exhausted me, taking a heavy toll on my physical and mental well-being, they took me away from my children and my grandchildren YET AGAIN.
Only this time, I was within 4 hours of my daughter, granddaughter, and at times my grandson.
And I was within 30 minutes of my son, my daughter in love, my grandson, and my granddaughter.
It’s not that I did not see them thru those months.
But it was not the relaxed, enjoyable times that my heart ached for.
Working an average of 108 hours a week for almost a year?
Yeah, just a little bit exhausted even when I was off work!
Another Godsend in my life was when the job ended!
I have not worked now since April 2022.
These months I have spent resting.
Working on an older RV.
Enjoying a few books and more movies.
Taking some walks.
Reconnecting with my God, and with my self.
Enjoying the stillness and quietness.
Even being fearful of the Texas storms that have rolled through here with a consistency that I resent! LOL
I am now looking forward to finding a real LIFE for me.
Being a widow sucks.
It isn’t the life I had envisioned all those years ago.
It isn’t even the life I had envisioned it to be almost 8 years ago when Rick died.
But it is, what it is.
And as Louis La’mour said in one of his books (I don’t remember which one), when he was talking about living in the desert:
Either you fight the desert and die, or you learn to live with it – and live.
Those 16 words are more applicable to a life as a widow than I want them to be!
It’s time for me to stop fighting against the desert.
It’s time to start learning to live with it.
It’s time to let these regrets go on down on the rolling river today.
Let them go.
And if they come back as ghosts in the mists of memories, to rattle their chains at me?
They have no power, no hold, no control, over my life.
Lord, help me do this life better from this point forward.
I owe that to Rick, to the kids and grandkids.
And I owe it to myself, too.
Most of all, Lord, I owe YOU a better living of this life You have given to me.
Father, forgive me
God, help me please.
I wrote these words several months ago, just a few days after April 23, 2022.
I have held on to them, knowing them in my heart, yet refusing to re-read them.
Then, life happening, getting in the way more than I expected.
And these words were put away in a folder on my computer.
January 24, 2023.
I read them again.
And I feel them all over again.
Yet, there is a softness in the feeling today.
And today - I will share them here.
With a cry of my heart all anew,
Refreshing tears from the very depths of my soul.
April 23, 2015.
The day that changed my life forever.
I knew that the 7th year angelversary was going to be different for me.
I felt a turning point coming.
Wasn’t sure I wanted it, either – truth be told.
But just as I could not stop the world from turning on that day 7 years ago,
neither could I stop this 7th year from coming around.
Nor could I stop the turning point – it was stronger than me.
Seems strange in a way to write that.
To think it.
To realize the truth of it.
These were the words I wrote in my prayer journal on that 7th morning:
Thank you God for just holding me while i cried at 4:30 this morning
no more leading up to this day.
my life changed drastically and forever that morning.
he was gone.
he is gone.
today i will remember those years together
today i will remember that moment that changed everything
and today, i will take a deep breath and step into that 8th year without him.
wondering how can it be?
7 years and still this does not feel like my reality
7 years and i still want to wake up from this nightmare
7 years and i do not feel any more settled, directional, or purposeful, than what i felt the moment he died.
7 years and it is still more about me comforting others than anyone taking time to comfort me –
With the realization every day more and more, deeper and deeper
- - God, YOU are my Comfort.
YOU are my Strength.
and yet, i miss skin.
am i wrong?
thank You for always being with me
thank You for bringing me to this moment with You
help me to let go -
- of the life i had planned and dreamed
- of the life i have been living, the struggling and striving so hard
- the trying so hard to not try so hard
- of the hurt
- of the worries and fears
- of the offenses
let it go.
leave it all with You
and walk on.
Those words were from the heart, from the very deepest part of my soul.
They seemed to tear out of me, almost screaming to be heard
… and yet there was a stillness and quietness about them, too.
But that contradiction seems to be following the pattern of life that I have come to know as Rick’s widow.
I was so very loved by Rick.
And I loved him so very much.
I miss him.
I miss our life together, more than words could ever say.
There are not enough words for how deeply I miss him.
Life goes on.
And that makes me afraid as a widow.
Not only do I get older than he was allowed to be
– which in a way makes me smile, because he always said he had married “an older woman”.
Told me how many times that I was “an old soul”?
But I am afraid that others will forget about him.
Forget how his voice sounded.
Forget the lessons he lived, and taught.
That he will fade from their memories and become nothing but a wandering ghost in their hearts and minds.
There is that fighting part of me that says while it may happen with others, and probably will
– it will NEVER happen with me!
Not if I have to grieve in torment alone for the rest of my days!
His life, and his legacy, are worth remembering, worth sharing, worth grieving for.
And yet, came that moment when I realized too that it was time to let go.
Time to lay down my fears and worries.
Time to move forward in my mind and in my heart.
Without doing that, I cannot move forward in my life.
It’s not a letting go to leave him behind.
It’s not a letting go to say that we never were, or that he did not exist.
It’s not a letting go to say that I no longer love him (like that could ever be!).
It’s a letting go of a past that I have regrets about.
Because I cannot do one thing to change that past.
There are no do-overs.
No 2nd chances.
It’s a letting go of a future that scares the “pee-water” out of me, as my Momma would say.
But also, a realization that God is not asking me to live today for tomorrow.
He is telling me to take up my cross TODAY.
One day at a time.
I spent that 7th day alone.
Cooking a roast – Mississippi style.
OMW it turned out wonderful!
I enjoyed it so much.
And while I was just at the RV, alone, letting the roast cook, I read.
First time in a very LONG time that I have read 2 books in one day!
But they were exactly the books I needed to read that day!
One – “The Girl from Montana”, by Grace Livingston Hill
The other – “Texas Roads” by Cathy Bryant.
I love it when a book that was written without you having anything to do with it speaks to the heart, the mind, the soul!
There is something so real, so comforting, so strengthening, about it when it happens.
These are some take-aways from these 2 books:
As I sat here Sunday morning, the first day of my 8th year as a widow, I cried out to God with these words:
God, I’m scared.
I have held on to Rick for over 35 years.
I have held to our memories for these 7 years now.
HOW do I let go?
I know it’s time.
I just don’t know HOW.
Please, help me.
His answer came thru one of these books that I read over the weekend.
As I sat there reading this book, this became my prayer:
Lord, I need to let go.
I have clung to the pain with both fists.
Afraid of releasing the only part of Rick that I have left.
Lord, I lift my hands to You, and I let them fall to my side.
Surrendering it all into Your able, and more than capable, Hands.
Where I was so at home in.
Where I feel lost, alone, afraid.
That scares me, paralyzing me in fear and with too many questions, too much 2nd guessing.
It’s all Yours.
I will no longer fear what road I am on all the time.
God, You are with me.
And You are taking me where You want me to go.
Later that day, I read a book.
It was a rainy & stormy Sunday.
So what better thing to do than to grab a book, curl up in the recliner, pray thru the storms and just read?
This book, “A Daily Rate” by Grace Livingston Hill, had a most needed and blessed message to it.
II Kings 25:27-30 was referenced to several times in the book.
After finishing the book, I read these verses.
I had read them before, but this time, I read them with fresh eyes and greater understanding.
Finding this short poem by Fr Francis Xavier Lasance confirmed what I was hearing in my heart:
“Charge not thyself with the weight of a year,
Child of the Master, faithful and dear
Choose not the cross for the coming week
For that is more than He bids thee seek.
Bend not thine arms for tomorrow’s load
Thou mayest leave that to thy gracious God.
Daily, only He says to thee,
‘Take up thy cross and follow Me.’”
A turning point.
Not sure where I go from here
Nor what will be done with, or in, or thru, my life
But – one moment at a time
One day at a time
Doing what is in front of me to be done
Trusting in the Lord with all my heart.
So why "Scattered Feathers" ? ? ?
You can read it here