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A Rambling of Sorts ...

4/14/2019

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Yesterday, April 14, was my baby's birthday. 36 years ago I was blessed and highly favored with a son, Joshua Dalton. He has always been a joy to my heart, and a strength to my soul. Even more so since his daddy died 4 years ago. Happy Birthday my Love ... always. Momma loves you! 
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I'm learning some hard lessons these last few weeks. Things that I am pretty sure I already knew, but somehow in the course of these 4 years they have gotten pushed away into a corner, into a dark hole, or forgotten (?). Wherever they were, they have returned. Lessons re-learned are much more difficult than lessons learned. Growth takes Strength, Courage, Grace. It's not an easy road. But better than staying where you are. 
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Still not knowing what my life is going to be ... nor where. But knowing one thing - I have a LIFE to live and LIVE it I will. I lost the LOVE of my life ... but I did not lose the love FOR life. That was a major step in realizing that this last week. I would have thought it came with guilt ... but it only came with peace - - and freedom. 
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8 more wake ups and it will have been 4 years since I saw into Rick's eyes. 
I wonder how that is even possible? 
We never spent over 24 hours apart, and even then, we were on the phone most of those hours. 
How have I endured 1,453 days without him? 
I miss you Rick. There will always be an emptiness inside of me where our love lived and our life was shared. No matter where I am, or what I do - I will love you, I will miss you. You were the absolute best part of me. 
I have spent a lot of sleepless hours these last few weeks. 
Wondering who I am?
What am I supposed to do?
Where am I to be? 
Is there a 2nd chapter of love and life for me? 
Will my destiny now be followed out alone? 
I miss so much, Rick. 
Arms to hold me. 
A kiss. 
Ears to listen without judgment. 
Memories kept. 
Commitment without fear or worry. 
Oh, Rick. 
I miss you so stinking much. 
I even miss our arguments. The freedom to disagree without fear of reprisal. 
I love you. 
I wish you were here now.

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Website designed & developed by Margaret McCoy

​
God is God over the storms in my life & world -
and I am His.
Trusting in Him. Holding to His Promises as He holds me.

​
Learning to laugh, to love, & to live ... again - without Rick, but with God

Life goes on ... even when we don't want it to.

Great grief is indicative of a great Love.

Rick, my Sweetheart.
Margaret, his Beloved.
Always & Forever.
​
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©Margaret McCoy, the Queen of Kamelot Coffee 
  • Coffee Love
  • My Profile
    • I Believe
    • Stories from the Mists
    • Stay the Course
    • Respect, Honor, Gratitude
    • Favorite Links
  • Scattered Feathers
    • When You Need the Music
    • Coffee Love Images
    • Take it to the Roots
    • Love Notes
  • My Recipe Book
    • Appetizers
    • Bread
    • Casseroles
    • Crockpot Love
    • Meats
    • Veggies
    • Desserts - oh my!
  • Junk Drawer
    • Worth Sharing
    • Helpful Hints
  • Contact Me