Yesterday, April 14, was my baby's birthday. 36 years ago I was blessed and highly favored with a son, Joshua Dalton. He has always been a joy to my heart, and a strength to my soul. Even more so since his daddy died 4 years ago. Happy Birthday my Love ... always. Momma loves you!
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I'm learning some hard lessons these last few weeks. Things that I am pretty sure I already knew, but somehow in the course of these 4 years they have gotten pushed away into a corner, into a dark hole, or forgotten (?). Wherever they were, they have returned. Lessons re-learned are much more difficult than lessons learned. Growth takes Strength, Courage, Grace. It's not an easy road. But better than staying where you are.
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Still not knowing what my life is going to be ... nor where. But knowing one thing - I have a LIFE to live and LIVE it I will. I lost the LOVE of my life ... but I did not lose the love FOR life. That was a major step in realizing that this last week. I would have thought it came with guilt ... but it only came with peace - - and freedom.
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8 more wake ups and it will have been 4 years since I saw into Rick's eyes.
I wonder how that is even possible?
We never spent over 24 hours apart, and even then, we were on the phone most of those hours.
How have I endured 1,453 days without him?
I miss you Rick. There will always be an emptiness inside of me where our love lived and our life was shared. No matter where I am, or what I do - I will love you, I will miss you. You were the absolute best part of me.
I have spent a lot of sleepless hours these last few weeks.
Wondering who I am?
What am I supposed to do?
Where am I to be?
Is there a 2nd chapter of love and life for me?
Will my destiny now be followed out alone?
I miss so much, Rick.
Arms to hold me.
A kiss.
Ears to listen without judgment.
Memories kept.
Commitment without fear or worry.
Oh, Rick.
I miss you so stinking much.
I even miss our arguments. The freedom to disagree without fear of reprisal.
I love you.
I wish you were here now.
I wonder how that is even possible?
We never spent over 24 hours apart, and even then, we were on the phone most of those hours.
How have I endured 1,453 days without him?
I miss you Rick. There will always be an emptiness inside of me where our love lived and our life was shared. No matter where I am, or what I do - I will love you, I will miss you. You were the absolute best part of me.
I have spent a lot of sleepless hours these last few weeks.
Wondering who I am?
What am I supposed to do?
Where am I to be?
Is there a 2nd chapter of love and life for me?
Will my destiny now be followed out alone?
I miss so much, Rick.
Arms to hold me.
A kiss.
Ears to listen without judgment.
Memories kept.
Commitment without fear or worry.
Oh, Rick.
I miss you so stinking much.
I even miss our arguments. The freedom to disagree without fear of reprisal.
I love you.
I wish you were here now.
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