And the first week ...

Monday ... Missing my heart. But breathing in and breathing out. Got some business handled today. Laughed a little. Cried some too. Heard from a couple of friends. Time with a sister. Coffee and time with my daughter. Phone time with son and daughter. Hugs. Went for a mile walk with my daughter and granddaughter. Life goes on ... because the world doesn't stop for my broken heart. I love you Rick.

Tuesday ... More phone calls...business being taken care...starting to go thru things, but going to take it slow. Seems like forever since i heard his voice or felt his touch. Lord hold me.

Yawn and stretch...longest night of sleep i have had in months! Thank you Lord for holding me and blessing me with sleep and rest!
I love you Rick and I miss you too!

A lifetime of firsts began 5 days ago. Yesterday was my first day alone. Made some phone calls. Talked with a couple of friends who loved Rick almost as much as I do. We laughed and we cried. Got more business handled. Death certificates came in. This is real. First time to go to church without him. More hugs and more tears. More laughter. Out to eat with Angel McCoy and grandtaters. Oh the laughter! And another day. God is good ... all the time!
Rick I love you! I miss you so much!

This day begins the 2nd week of this chapter in my life. It has been a week since I heard my sweetheart's voice saying "I hope you know how much I love you". It has been a week since I saw into his eyes. It has been a week since I felt his touch. One week since we kissed last. After 35 years together - it has been the longest week of my life. And yet, it was just a moment ago. Oh Rick McCoy - do you know how fine you are to me? I love you! I always have. I always will. I miss... you - with every breath I take. I miss you.
A million smiles and tears. A thousand corny jokes that still make me laugh. You are the Greatest Goober of all time! I Love You!!! My Sweetheart, my Soul-mate. 

Spent part of yesterday with my sister, Tina McCoy-knotts. We drove to Greenville and took care of some business. Then we stopped at the Christian bookstore - and I was loved on and blessed. An older black woman and I were talking, and I told her that my husband had passed away just one week ago. She loved on me. How sweet. I checked out, and just as the clerk handed me my bag of goodies - she said, "Now, child - you stand right here. Just be still a minute." Ok - I thought s...he might need help. But instead - she handed a journal/devotional/study book to the clerk and said - "You just check that out and put it on my bill. I want to give it to her right now before she leaves." Oh, how sweet! I will forever cherish this journal!!! I hugged her and kissed her on the cheek. What a precious act of kindness to a lost and lonely little girl. I pray that God will love on her today and open the windows of heaven to pour her out blessings that she cannot contain.
You never know when you really are being Jesus with skin on to someone.

Yesterday was a quieter day in some ways. Talked to a couple of friends. A little phone time with Rick's dad. Spent a good part of the day writing. Remembering. Praying. And crying. Took a long hot shower, had a good talk with Rick - really felt his spirit with me. Went to the Recovery class at church with my daughter... and then we went out to Juan Pablo's with a group from Recovery - laughed and had a good supper. Came home and watched and LAUGHED with Chonda Pierce - oh my she is a funny Lady!

Today is another first. A quieter Saturday. Angel McCoy & I are going over to Dallas to get a phone screen replaced. Sounds like Pizza for lunch. Once we get home we are going to work on getting caught up on some of the laundry around here - Thank you Angela Reynolds for helping with the dryer!
I still find myself listening for Rick's call ... my mind and my heart say that either he is off on the truck and will soon be calling me to let me know where he is, or... that he is asleep somewhere and will soon be waking up needing/wanting something. So, it becomes a struggle within to keep telling myself that he isn't going to call, and he isn't going to come home. He doesn't "need" me any longer - He has Jesus in the fullness of LIFE.
God will carry us thru all of this grief and sorrow, and He will do it with tears and with laughter. Even if ... God is still God, and He is still good.
I love you Lord ...
and I love you Rick.