Can't sleep thoughts ... uh-oh

I don't know what I did to my upper/outer right thigh - but oh my! I am guessing that I either pulled or twisted a muscle & pinched a nerve. It is swollen and warm to the touch when compared to the other leg. I feel it - and not in a good way - whenever I move! Finding a place to sit or lay or stand where the pain is at a live-able level is the most trying thing right now! Sigh. But when I am able to find that sweet spot of comfort for a moment - it's easy to fall asleep! LOL ...

Rick took me out to eat last night. It was raining and cool. We went to the Brazos Catfish Café - oh my! Such good food! And if you like the 50's and Elvis? Well - this is THE place for you!!!
And in trying to make better food choices - we chose the 5 piece catfish plate (knowing that we would have leftovers for Sunday :) ), I had the mixed veggies, Rick had the roasted corn on the cob, we both had a salad, pinto beans, and 3 hush puppies. Then, we splurged and got dessert - Rick chose the cherry cobbler with one scoop of vanilla ice cream (that we shared) and I chose the Sawdust pie. Oh my! The food was AWESOME!!!!!

Got woke up this morning at 3:30 a.m. - by my stomach. Acid reflux in full array! Not the most pleasant form of "good morning" that's for sure! But thankfully, had a Cranberry Sprite ... so my tummy is calming down now.

Not that I am glad to have had this tummy "episode" - but glad for the quiet time to work on some things. A quiet morning to pray and seek God's wisdom and direction.

And a quiet time to listen - for in the quietness God speaks.
--I have been struggling with living a life that is honoring to the Lord. Struggling with the difference I find between the humanity of "me" and the desire for it no longer to be I who lives, but Christ who lives in me. Struggling so much that it seems I spend more time second guessing everything I say or do, that some days there just is no peace or rest. (Ever do that?)
Well, this morning I was praying about all this, writing it out in my journal. Actually, been praying and writing about all this the last couple of days. Just being brutally honest with God and with myself. Then, this morning I prayed and wrote this ... not really realizing the truth of it all until I went back and re-read it -

I still have those second guesses, the questions, the confusions - all that we talked about yesterday afternoon. ---thank you for that conversation with you. Cause even tho I still have all this - the weight of it is gone. Kwim? I no longer carry it. I bear it, I must find your way thru it all - but I don't carry it. Thank you!!!!! Never realized what a difference there is in that. Thank you!!! I love you!

When I started this website a few years ago, we were going thru trials and troubles like we had never had a nightmare about. I honestly thought that at some point, God would swoop in like a Knight in shining armor and rescue us from these storms. Uhhh...guess not! Rather than do that, He has become my Knight in shining armor - carrying me thru these trials, troubles and storms. He holds me in His arms. He fights the battles with me, and sometimes He just fights FOR me! Not the rescue I would have chosen in the beginning of all this - nor in the times since. But I thank God for the rescue He has done, every day, every trial, every trouble, every storm! He is my Knight!

Rick's UF numbers (dialysis) is 1992 this morning! Praise the Lord! Shows that the fluid overload is coming off - but not too fast. He would like to see the numbers even greater - without cramping. But that's hard to do. Especially when he is having his fluid intake restricted. It is such a balancing act.
We live in such an "instant" world - makes it hard to be patient and wait things out. Please continue to pray for him (and for me).

Not saying either one of us is right or wrong - but we are different. We look at things different. We deal with things differently. But sometimes, more than we like to admit, those differences make for rough days. Sigh.

8 years ago today ... Rick and I left Cheyenne, WY in the early hours of the morning. Drove to York, NE as fast as we could. Stopped for gas. Called to check in with the nurse who was watching over Momma's last hours. The nurse said that Momma wasn't going to last much longer. I told her that I was a good 10 hours away. She said that she just did not believe Momma could hold out. Her body was so tired and weary.
The nurse held the phone to Momma's ear - and I told her just how much I loved her and that it was ok if she couldn't hold on, but I was on my way! No sound. No acknowledgement that she had even heard. We hung up.
I looked at Rick and God love that man -he had done his best to get me to Momma. We were too far to turn back, so on we went. Me driving this leg of the trip.
5 p.m. leaving York, NE. Heading to Sulphur Springs, TX. Knowing that Momma won't be there when I get there - no matter how hard we had tried, no matter. Sigh.
Just as I got on the road and up to highway speed - 2 white trucks passed me, Texas license plates, and hauling butt! Rick said to fall in behind them. I did. And a few minutes later, looked down - 90+mph! Rick said hold fast. I did.
When they slowed down, I slowed down. And when they sped up, I sped up. 3 times in that trip we thought we had lost them - because either they got off, or we did. But all 3 times, we were either found by them, or found them.
Rick took over driving when it got dark. And he stayed with them. All the way to the Texas line!
Then, from the Texas line to the nursing home - I was on the phone with family and with the nurse. Momma was still there!
We pulled into the parking lot and I rushed into her room. 11:55 p.m. November 23, 2006. She was still with us. I leaned over, gave her a kiss, smelled deeply of her -- and stood there, holding her hand, talking and laughing with my kids and my sister.
A little bit later - Bettie called my attention to Momma. She was gone. 12:37 a.m. November 24, 2006 -- Momma walked into Heaven and rested in the arms of Jesus.

I loved you Momma -- and I still do. Just as much, no - MORE than I ever did. I miss you Momma. More today than I ever thought possible. Oh to be able to pick up the phone and call you - hear your voice. To be able to drive to you, walk into your room, hug you, get a sugar from you, and smell you deeply once again! Oh how I love you Momma!